a train wreck waiting to happen

VERY sad news

2006-12-05T14:20:00.000-05:00

I am her brother.

On Jan 1st, 2006 my sister and her girlfriend "Lady" were on their way for a family visit when my sister's car was slammed into by a fucking drunk driver, at a high rate of speed.
They were critically hurt in the accident, which sent them to the hospital. Lady was in a coma for two days and was classified as "brain dead" by the doctors. My sister, while not overly critically hurt, upon hearing that Lady would be taken off life support, stayed with her in her room until she died (Jan 3, 2006), whereupon my sister committed suicide and died an hour after her girlfriend Lady.
It has taken me nearly this whole year to come to grips with what has taken place and to also be able to find her password to this site and decide to place this entry here.
It is my hope, as it was her's as well, that those who came across this blog found both some pleasure reading it, as well as compassion for other people.

My sis was a wonderful person, as was Lady...

yikes! what a "holiday"

2005-12-29T23:15:00.000-05:00

thought i'd never be able to get back onto this Blogger blog---first, out of nowhere and without any advance notice, on Dec. 24 my mother and "Grant" pop up at my door, if that's not bad enough, trailing behind them is my older brother, his wife and kids...if that continues not to be bad enough---an hour later my Aunt "M" and her daughter (my age): all for Christmas, as if i had gone out and invited every one of them to come over to my house, right?
originally all it was going to be was my younger sister, her bf, Lady and myself...and maybe my cousin (Aunt M's daughter).
see what happened was this---my older sister A began a battle of wits with our older brother, our mother and even with Aunt M, since they were going to Canton Ohio for Christmas there with Aunt M & "Cousin Jayne." so my sister calls up Aunt M, out of the black (no, not the blue LOL) and starts in on her.
thus it ends up that they all decided, at the last minute, to come to my house for Christmas, as if i really wanted all of this dumped on me!
luckily they all left on Monday, however then came a whole slew of work to catch up on, so it's been overtime up at work too.

Lady and i actually spent all but Christmas weekend at her place, this week we'll be there too, next week we go back to my place for the next two weeks. both of us had our own individual session with Peggy and then had two couples sessions (a day apart, at that!). i think we're doing really well on avoiding certain topics, maybe we do this so that we're able to not face ourselves...i know that Lady is jealous about J coming for a visit, especially the last one, however i am jealous about her relationship with her friend too. i guess we're not too different in certain ways though. how odd that we haven't let our relationship take a whack because of Lady's friend and J.
in the end, we (Lady and myself) spend more time with each other than we have with our own friends (that is Lady's friend and my friend J). we took a look at it and discovered that the same amount of time i spent with J, Lady had spent with..."Kelly," so i guess that might mean something too, i don't really know.

so we're working on our relationship and trying to figure out this commitment thing and even though we have our "romantic interests" such as Kelly for Lady and J for me---we do seem to have a, uhm, well, okay maybe the words "committed relationship" is a bit off-whack, but, well, anyway. LOL

Lady and i are going on a "Girl's Night Out" thing with the group on Saturday, it's our New Year's Eve party, however we're going to have it somewhere else, not at the club where we usually do, but somewhere else (i believe at a country club sort of place). we've reserved a suite at a hotel near this place we're going to party at, since it is out of town and neither one of us wants to drive all the way back home after the party.

so i guess that's it for right now, sorry that it's been a while since i've been here...

The weekend with J---complete entry (combined)

2005-12-23T03:01:00.000-05:00

Note: i basically have finished the entry for Saturday night with J, it had been in different entries, now i am just going to join them all together as one entry for that Saturday night. if you have already read the first portion of it, or even the second---i'm going to apologize for not designating the parts, but simply combining the whole thing together.

i have also moved the little note about Lunatic Fringe (w/a link)...and i have also put up some pictures (not many at all though) on my own "fav pix blog," so i added a link to that too.

***************************

so the Friday and Saturday with J, it was full of surprises, that's for sure! when she got to my house, we just sat and chatted, catching up from the last time she was here and some things in our email. she told me she's been keeping up with the blog, has been doing so "in private," because B doesn't know about the blog and she feels doubly guilty about it all. guilt sucks, it really does and a lot of it is really something we shouldn't have to deal with. she told me that nearly all the way back home, while on the jet, she thought about the weekend, thought about Hawaii and tried to figure her own self out, when it comes to this "interest" in what's been going on between us.
she's never really been attracted to another woman at least not in this fashion that she is to me, or i am to her. she's like a lot of heterosexual women, or at least this comes from the ones that i am friends with...many of them, as i've been led to believe, both from my friends as well as from reading, at some times have a "subdued interest" in some kind of sexual pleasure with another woman. some of these heterosexual women also have fantasies and wonders what it'd be like and never go any further with it than fantasies and don't have any desires to go further.
there are, as i've been told, some heterosexual women who aren't "full fledged" bi-curious in the sense that they actively participate in some kind of woman-to-woman relationship, while others, like J are caught in a spot where they feel guilty because they first have these fantasies, then when they feel comfortable enough with another woman, to act upon these desires to "find out what it's all about..." and then feel supreme guilt because they're a heterosexual woman and they've stepped over the line, especially if they've enjoyed it.
J told me that since she was at least around the age of 21, she "wondered" what it would be like to be with another woman, she wasn't attracted to any particular one, i don't believe you have to be attracted to any particular one to wonder about it or even have fantasies about it. now she feels guilty because she has experienced, albeit very slightly, the "pleasures" which women can give to each other and on top of it, she want's to continue to learn more about it---however--she has found it only possible to do this with me since she claims to be really comfortable about it, when it comes to us...part of it as she says, is the ability to be "disentangled," i have an idea what she means, however even she can't explain it really well, so how could i?

so we chatted for a couple of hours Friday night, mostly about the thoughts she had about this relationship and what's going on within her own head when it comes to what's going on. she's also trying to deal with the guilt; part of it is society-driven (or culture-driven), some of it is based on the "ethics" or "morality" (which is, at most, based on religion) taught to her by her parents and then comes the bigger one, the guilt pushed upon all of us by religion.
we had about a half-bottle of wine as we chatted, then i discovered i was actually hungry, so when she agreed she was too, i called up Dee to see if she wanted to go for a late dinner. we all met up at this place we really like and spent at least a couple hours there, having dinner and continuing our chat. Dee has some really unique insight into the situation, she has never been one to classify herself as either being bisexual, bi-curious or even a lesbian. most would put the label of "bisexual" upon her and those who don't know her all that much would say she might be bi-curious, none, i don't think would refer to her as a lesbian since she's really not one. in her whole "adult life," since the age of at least 21, Dee has only had 3 women lovers; one was me, then when she moved off out of the city we lived in, she met somebody she had a serious relationship with for about a year, however since both also had "interests" in men, they also dated men while they dated as well. she was married for a while, she has a daughter, as i've said, however after about 4 years of marriage, the guy cheated on her and they got a divorce.
after their divorce she moved back to the city she used to live in, which was the one i was in and we started up a relationship again which had what we called "infrequent moments of romance" LOL.
it seems that the only guy who ever bugged her about her "lifestyle" was her husband and he's the one that ended up having an affair with this woman who worked at the same company he did, and divorcing Dee to go off with her. for the 4 years that they were married, it was she who honored their vows and never screwed around---yet he started the affair up the second year of their marriage.

so we chatted for about two hours at the diner, Dee had to get home, so she left at around 10pm, soon after that, J and i left and went back home.

she'd had a busy day, part of the morning she spent at a conference, the rest waiting in the airport, having her flight delayed and then finally got here, so she was a bit tired. while i went to busy myself online, she took a shower and then slipped into a cute little silk nighty...she paused at the door to the office to let me know she was finished in the shower. we had decided to stay up for a couple more hours and watch TV, so i hurried through a shower then slipped into a night gown.
J was already comfy on the couch, all covered up in a blanket and watching TV, she looked really cute. at first i was going to sit at the other end of the couch, however she insisted that i sit closer, so we simply cuddled up, sort of nuzzling up a bit together on the couch, under the blanket.
now you know, yes there's this deep attraction we share, it's really strange too, i mean i love Lady, i'd like to spend my life with her, we have shared each other's souls, our dreams, hopes and even our intellectual lives together---we have this strange kind of, well, maybe a partial commitment to each other. as Peggy calls our relationship, since we, as individuals are a "work in process" (i hate that term!), so is our relationship. this relationship with J, it's hard to explain, it's something very strange for me and i suppose especially for her since she's never had these sincere yet unexplainable feelings.
oh well, i'll just quit trying to understand it as fully as i might want to...at least for the moment.

it's not as if we were fully intending on anything, we really weren't. i think it's the "comfort factor" plus the attraction we have for each other, i hate to call it this because it makes it sound hokey, but there's "magic" between us...yeah, hokey, right?

as we cuddle up with each other, we find ourselves drawn to each other's lips, it's so subtle at first, a sensuous shadowy urge for our lips to touch---when they do, it just feels so nice. we kissed, these were slow, luxurious kinds of kisses, where you share tongue tips and lips, and softness...and an eventual slip of the hand so that fingers can caress breasts. the whole thing feel so natural, i guess that is the one major thing that we're drawn to, the natural sensations of it all.

all we did was kiss and cuddle, we nuzzled up a bit, sometimes caressing each other's breasts over the material of each other's nighty, lost in each other's special scent, mixed with perfume, tired bodies just so relaxed in each other's embrace.

so comforting and comfortable that we slipped off into a very warm slumber...

The Weekend With J; Saturday Night

we didn't do much during the day on Saturday, we actually woke up kind of late---around 1pm we went out to a local hamburger joint and had some lunch, then met Dee at our favorite coffee shop. we sat around and chatted for a bit, before we split up, Dee asked if we were going to the club. i asked J, she figured "why not?", so we made plans to meet Dee up at the club.

spent most of the afternoon watching old movies as we sat on the couch, around 6:30 we had dinner, J wanted to cook, so i just showed her the kitchen and what i had for food and away she went.

7:30pm we went our separate ways to get ready for the night, there's a small bathroom downstairs with a tiny stall-shower, it's right at the base of the staircase, so it isn't all that far from there to the bedroom that i use for a home-office. two months ago i rearranged the room a bit, i had a single sized bed in there, up against the wall and of course my desk (w/PC, etc stuff) opposite and a bookshelf and old small dresser. the room is medium-sized and though there was still some room left over, it still felt a bit on the cramped side. i went out and got a really cool small couch that has a pull-out bed built in, there's more room now to walk around in (and to exercise if i want!) and with the bed pulled out, it's basically the same space as when the single was in there. so J went from the room, out the door, down the stairs and right into the tiny bathroom with its equally tiny shower.

i had decided to wear some simple stuff, a nice blouse that didn't show off much at all, though it did kind of "adhere" to my form a bit and, well, okay, it was a bit low-cut, it's a shiny silver, gold and black knit blouse...and a medium-short skirt and black knee-high boots. it's what i'd basically wear when i go out sometimes, it's borderline sexy i guess. J wore a really cute frilly pink silk blouse, now her breasts are just a little bit smaller than mine, and she certainly filled out the blouse in a nice way, it was just low-cut enough to show off a conservative amount of cleavage and a simple black skirt. i guess both of us had decided to be borderline sexy, while somewhat conservative...if that's possible.

we met Dee outside the club, she was a bit cross, letting us know that since the *&*&^#W*@ hotel chain bought the club (which was right next door, almost "affixed" architecturally), the hotel owner decided to start charging a cover charge, which we all thought was rather stupid, however a lot of clubs are doing that anyway. after a few minutes worth of discussion, we decided to go ahead to the club, we could have gone to elsewhere, however this one had always been a pretty cool place to go for a casual time of dancing and having some drinks.
even though it was a Saturday and yeah, even though it was about 9pm, the place wasn't too busy, mainly because the club had been closed down for remodel and most of those who came here regularly hadn't come by to see it was open again. Dee found us a table kind of at the rear corner, a bit from the dance floor but close enough to enjoy watching folks having a good time.
J likes Strawberry Margaritas, so while she ordered one of those, i went ahead and had a Tequila Sunrise...can't remember what Dee had, something "on the rocks." for a while all we did was sit in our little dim corner, sip our drinks and chat for a bit...as we did this, more folks showed up, however at around 11pm, when the place usually was beginning to get loud and full of folks, it was still kind of skimpy out there.
now usually when i go to clubs, which is kind of rare, maybe once a month or more rare than that---it's usually with Lady or with Dee or a bunch of us. when Lady and i go to the club, we always dance together, sometimes when Dee, Lady and i go, we'll switch around a bit, though Lady doesn't dance with Dee---so it's always either Lady-me or Dee-me.
i got the courage to ask J if she wanted to dance, i guess she's like a lot of people when it comes to two women dancing together, most think it's rather odd i guess. finally she decided to, and we went out for at least a good four dances...breathless, we got back, sat down to rest and start on our third round of drinks.
around midnight, we all decided we'd had enough, so Dee went on home while J and I headed for my house. i just happened to have an old bottle of Tequila left over from a bar-b-q i'd had earlier, so J and i exchanged shots...i guess about four apiece, which came as a surprise to me that we were able to do that!
we decided to "get comfortable" and so went our own ways to do so, i to my bedroom, J to the extra room. i stood in front of my mirror for several long minutes trying to figure things out: there i was trying to figure out what to wear and how i felt about J...and what i kind of wanted to happen. i'm naughty, okay, i'll admit to it. yes i am in a, well, a quasi-committed relationship with Lady, we've spent every week with each other, either at my place or her's for the past three or four months, with the exception of the time she went out of town on her job or on a date with her friend---yeah i'll admit that Dee's been by a few times and spent the night and yet all we ended up doing was, well, i guess "playing around"---and now here's J---and yes Lady knows all about it, just like i know about her "casual girlfriend."

so i figure if i wear something conservative, it might mean one thing and if i wear something considered sexy, well...i was sure that J might get some ideas. i already know that she's attracted to me, we've had some very intimate moments, but nothing close to making love, most of it has just been some "innocent fondling" and such, i hate to use the term "experimentation" but that's basically what it's been for J.
i know she wants to take it further, to "experiment" further, it's just that she's nervous about initiating it and i'm nervous if i go and initiate it. to a certain degree, i think we both have initiated things, or maybe we just "went with the flow" or whatever, letting our minds, bodies and desires kind of mesh together.
i've never worn, while with her around, anything overtly suggestive or overly sensual, i guess in a way you don't have to do such things, if there's already this tight connection between people---you just know it---yet the "visual stimulus" of something sexy or sensual...or even suggestive, it's, well, something visual and a turn-on, right?

so i must have stood there for upwards of 20 minutes trying to figure out if i wanted to wear something conservative or maybe something more sexy, sensual and softly suggestive. yes, i did want something to intimate to happen, i'd be a liar if i said otherwise and i felt that J was in the same mind...but...oh hell, i went with something softly sensual.

i have this slinky, silky long gown-like nighty---it's all wonderfully pink, low cut up front and in back...low cut up front enough to show, politely enough at least half of my cleavage, now the back, it went down to where it showed off quite a bit of butt...it also somewhat see-through and adhered to my body really well. put it this way: if i had pubic hair, you'd be able to see the shadowy patch of pubic hair...since i don't have pubic hair---well, guess what you see? oh shameful, shameful...and the problem was, i wasn't horny, i can't call it horny at all, i just, well, wanted to be with her.

of course all of this consideration of what to wear and what it would visually show (physically as well as otherwise) and all the rest, was unknown to J...and in turn, of course, i knew nothing of what was going through her own head, of her thoughts, her doubts, her desires and all the rest, nor did i know she was, at the very moment i was trying to figure out what to wear, so was she!

it kind of ended up with us meeting each other at the bottom of the stairs, i wasn't sure how anything was going to go, i wasn't sure how J would take it, with me dressed in this sexy, see-through night gown: what i hadn't taken into account was that it might have been possible that J had made some decisions about things, as well.
when she first saw me, at the base of the stairs, right after she had gone into the living room, her eyes went wide and she blushed---i guess i blushed too, i felt this warm sensation all around me as she looked at me. first our eyes met, then she allowed herself to look me over real well, a smile came to her face when she took in the way my breasts looked behind the material...then on downwards, she blushed even more when she fully realized that she could see right through the material and see my nakedness down below. i heard her mumble in a soft whisper: "my gawd, you're so sexy..."

it was my turn to look at her in surprise: she was wearing this real short black nightie, enough see-through to easily see the shadows of her breasts...the top was a rather "scooped" down sort of thing which showed plenty of her breasts, yet the top 3 inches of the material, all solid lace, really hid well her areola and nipples. the nightie was short enough that i could plainly see she was wearing a pink thong and if my eyes were seeing right, she too was of naked pube! her little outfit, it showed off her body really nicely in all the right ways, including showing off her very pretty butt. by the way she was dressed and looking so sensual and demure, i knew that we had been thinking alike, or at least in our own ways, as i stood there, somewhat frozen in my spot, all i could say was: "you're very pretty..."

nervously we went to the couch, we cuddled and nuzzled---our lips meeting, tongue tips touching, playing little games as we kissed and i could feel my own nipples growing stiffer with every minute. she moved her hand upwards, just barely along the material, the warmth of her hand surely was warming my flesh as she moved her hand upwards towards my breast. as she slipped her tongue's tip into my mouth, she cuddled my breast in her hand, very lightly massaging it as we kissed. after kissing, she moved her head downwards, using the tip of her tongue to trace my cleavage, even through the material, it felt so divine and wonderful---she paused at my nipples, teasing them until they were even stiffer...then we met for another kiss, with tongue tips lightly touching, exploring each other's mouths.
i leaned back just a little, facing her somewhat better, allowing her to get a full view of my breasts: as she looked at me, her eyes went down to study my breasts, i could tell that for the first time in her life she was allowing herself the pleasure of finding pleasure in looking at another woman and it gave me a rush. i could also tell that she wanted to touch me, to fondle my breasts, to let her fingertips trace my cleavage, something that she had, in a less intense fashion wanted to do in Hawaii, so long ago, but wouldn't allow herself to.
slowly she brought her hand to my right breast, fingers under it, holding it through the material; she brought her mouth to my breast, getting the material damp from her tongue as she licked it lightly, tenderly...exploring my breast for the very first time in any real way. as she explored my right breast, she brought her other hand to my left one, palm directly pressed against the areola, her hand so warm and my nipple, so stiff against her hand.
J continued to explore, with her tongue's tip, my areola and nipple and very nonchalantly, maybe without really knowing it, she brought her other hand upwards until it was on my shoulder and when she brought her hand back downwards, she brought along with it, part of my gown...pulling back, our eyes met...and my breasts were now completely bare.
bringing her face to my breast, she let her cheek rest against my right one, her hair soft against it, her breathing warming up my flesh, the tip of her tongue teasing my other breast's nipple, as well as she could. moving slowly, she brought her mouth to my left breast, barely just above, she daubed her tongue's tip at my nipple, surely it couldn't go any stiffer, however my areola was growing more taut and creating a basis for a more erect nipple.
she lavished my nipple with her tongue, soft lips and warm breath---sometimes lightly licking it, sometimes exploring it with the tip of her tongue, sometimes nervously using her fingertip to explore it as well. after a few minutes of exploration and pleasure, she moved back over to my right breast, leaving her hand to cup and caress my left breast, she brought her mouth onto my breast, taking as much of my large firm breast into her mouth: giggling when she realized that i indeed had a couple-more mouthfuls than she could take. suckling, yes...she suckled upon my breast, then moved her mouth so that the very erect nipple was between her lips, licking lightly, gingerly until she let her mouth take in just the nipple: suckling upon it.

she moved off just a little and as she found a good place to relax a bit better, i let my own hands move over to her pleasantly large and firm breasts (her's are just a bit smaller than mine)---no sooner did i take them into my hands, that she arched her back, pressing them more firmly into my hands and letting out a soft murmur. i easily slid her nightie down off her shoulders, her breasts now bared, i brought my mouth to one of them, licking lightly, doing some exploration of my own. she brought her hands to my head, lightly caressing me as i licked and teased her nipple until it was erect as my own. lightly i let my tongue explore her cleavage, under her breasts, around the sides, to her nipples and areola and then lightly nuzzled between...then to lightly suckle upon first her right and then her left.

we went back to a kiss, my body pressing against hers, our breasts against each others, the warmth was incredible, the sensations were fantastic as we kissed. it was a slow, luxurious kiss; where tongue tips played with each other, where we took our time to dabble within each other's mouths and feel the warmth of each other's body against our own.

when we pulled apart, i could hear a tiny voice in my head...yet it was J's voice which said the exact thing i was thinking: "let's go to your bedroom..."

we decided to go on up to my bedroom, i was incredibly nervous, so much more than i'd been in a long time, i guess the last time i'd been this nervous was, well way back in college with nona.
when we got to my bedroom, we just stood at the end of the bed, i wasn't sure what to do and i knew that J didn't either. "this is all so new to me," i heard her say as she sat on the edge of the bed. "i never once really thought that i'd be, well, intimate with another woman," she admitted: "i'll be honest and say that i've had thoughts about it, something like fantasies i guess, however i never really believed..."
i stood before her, my breasts bared since she had loosened my nightie downstairs and so i softly jiggled about a little and it fell all the way off into a pile at my feet. she looked at me as if she'd never seen me naked before, however she had that first time she visited, when we went to Steve's hot-tub. J leaned forwards, resting her head against my right breast, her hand moving upwards to caress my other breast, her face was warm against me and when she lifted away just a bit, her lips took in my nipple, tongue's tip daubing at it gently, then she opened her mouth, took in some of my breast and suckled for a moment. i let out a moan, followed by: "i just love to be suckled," it sort of escaped me, i couldn't help it, but it's true. she looked up at me, smiled and moved over to my other breast, lips around nipple, playing lightly with it with her tongue's tip, then suckling somewhat. she let her hands slip down to my hips as she suckled, slowly she slipped her hands on around, lightly caressing my butt before she caressed it lightly as she continued to suckle, then play her tongue on my areola and nipple---once playing with one, she moved over to the other.
i finally stepped back a little, somewhat breathless as i watched her stand up, jiggle a little bit until her nightie slipped off---i gazed at her nude body, it was superb, she was, as some might say, a woman with slight curves, my dad would call her "pleasingly plump," her breasts were full, firm and, well, i guess medium-large. her body was naturally brown, which helped to show off her dark-reddish brown egg-shaped areola, which had all those delightful little bumps which encircled her erect bulb-like nipples. down below she was clean shaven, just like me, however she had nice full lips, somewhat puffy naturally, however more so because she was turned-on...and i so wanted to drive the tip of my tongue between those lips and play with her clitoris.
jittery and with an incredible nervousness she reached towards me, fingers trembling, eyes wide, she reached for and barely touched my naked clitoris---i almost jolted out of my body!
quickly she withdrew her fingertips, halting a little bit away from me, our eyes met briefly, cautiously she smiled and then scooted back onto the bed...and i slipped onto the bed, laying next to her, moving upwards until i had my face against her left breast---licking her areola lightly and resting my hand on her delightful tummy.
once again i took an exploration of her breasts, using my tongue, lips and mouth and as i did, very carefully, very lightly i teased her belly button then...so slow, i let my fingers search out her clitoris...breathing in the luxuriating sensations of her naked flesh. when i blindly found her sweet nubbin, barely touching it for the first time, it was her turn to jolt---and she had an orgasm at that very moment: "oh my goodness!," she let out in a rush, her face, neck, shoulders and most of her breasts turning a wonderful light pink shade of a blush.
i slipped my hand back downward, letting it rest between her thighs, palm against her swollen lips: suckling upon her breast, i listened to her breath in the pleasure. very slowly i pressed my fingertip against her, feeling her dampness and her entrance...her body softly shivering with new pleasure as i drifted my fingertip upwards between damp swollen lips, resting at her nubbin. she arched her back, pressing her breast against me, i took some of it in and suckled.
slowly i made intricate circles with my fingertip atop her very damp clitoris, rubbing very lightly, she lifted her pelvis, enjoying the new sensation and pleasure as i massaged her clitoris before i moved my fingertip back downward. as i continued to use my fingertip on her clitoris, i quit suckling upon her breast and we met in a lingering, soft kiss...the whole time, continuing to massage and tease her clitoris. i brought her very close to at least two really good orgasms, simply by playing with her clitoris; massaging it lightly, teasing it a little bit and then slipping my fingertip downwards between her wonderfully swollen lips.
she moved a little bit and i had to abandon my play---tenderly, nervously, she moved her hand between my thighs, timidly she touched my clitoris with her fingers, lightly teasing me for a brief moment before she slipped her fingertip downward, making me more damp as she explored the supreme softness. before i knew it, there she was, moved once more, her tongue's tip lapping at my juices between my own swollen lips, tongue's tip dancing lightly at my clitoris! i reacted to the pleasure by lifting my pelvis somewhat and her hands moved upwards, to cup my breasts and then to play with both of my stiff nipples as she explored my clitoris with her tongue.
J was really enjoying her explorations, she was suddenly liberated somehow and able to simply enjoy the pleasures of what she was doing and it was, i must admit, making me really hot. after a few minutes she had brought me towards a large orgasm, she must have felt it because she backed off a little bit, our eyes met, she licked her lips and smiled at me. all i could say was: "i want to..."
she automatically moved so that we were in a perfect, side-by-side 6-9: i licked at her juices, i played my tongue's tip at her clitoris, between lips, playing happily with her; teasing, exploring, pleasuring---and J, in her own way, doing the same for me.
oooh and how wonderful, she softly moaned, murmured, mewed, sighed---all with the pleasure she was receiving and hearing her just made it so much more sensual.
maybe it was because it was her first time to be with a woman, maybe it was because of all of the first time pleasures that only a woman can give another woman---and maybe it was because she wanted to feel the pleasures as much as possible (or maybe she was naturally this way); J just seemed to be able to build up in an orgasm, only to sustain the extreme pleasures, then stave it off, only to go and rebuild once again. i attempted to go along with her, to be able to go for a while, hold it, and then slip off away from the orgasm, most women have the ability to gather up the pleasure, to hold onto the pleasure, to get so close to an orgasm, only to let it go and start all over again, sometimes it is done on purpose, sometimes it is done by accident.
we continued to pleasure each other in this glorious 6-9, just going and going, our pleasure building, then hitting a plateau, then slipping back downwards again, it was like surfing an endless series of incredible waves----until finally: in a rush, J came, it just exploded, her thighs shivered, her pelvis jittered, her whole body jolted...and then...my body joined hers in an incredible orgasm.

we laid in our 6-9 for a few more moments before we moved ourselves into a position where she was nuzzled up against me, her head resting on my shoulder just a bit...our bodies still jittery, still softly jolting, shivering with the slowly waning orgasm.

eventually we fell asleep nuzzled up together in our sublime afterglow of pleasure...

************************

Flux Cluster has updated her (and her brother's) blog, I was just over there a bit before I came here to write, so I thought I'd do a link over to their blog... :)

LUNATIC FRINGE pix

i have added maybe four more pix to my own favorite pix site, here's a link if you want to visit there, i will be adding a few more this week, hopefully on Thursday!

Train Wreck's Favorite Pix Blog

quick note--- J over for the weekend

2005-12-12T18:36:00.000-05:00

just a short note, rather busy right now for an extended entry about J's visit.

i was able to get away early on Friday, J's flight had been delayed, which made it a bit better for me because she wouldn't get in until around 3:30pm.
so by around 3pm i was headed home, got there in record time, regardless of the weather. did a bit of quick work on getting the place a bit nicer than it was, got dinner started, checked other things out to make sure everything was fine.
Dee called to verify that we (her, J and i) "might decide to hit the club on Saturday night..." and i reaffirmed the possibility for that and told her i'd call on Saturday.

around 5pm the doorbell rang and there she was---J had arrived!

the rest later sine i have some work that really needs to be finished up on the current project my department is working on to finish by Dec. 27th...taking home some reports that need to be gone over for corrections and verifications that it's ready for transfer to digital data stroage.

memories of my college days 1 (nona)

2005-12-09T21:29:00.000-05:00

last week, i guess it was around Dec. 2, i recieved this medium-sized box from my mother. she hadn't called or written to me, so i wasn't all that sure what was in it. i left it sit on the coffee table for a couple of hours while i did other stuff, then before i went to bed, i opened a bottle of some Austrailian wine (which a friend gave to me) and opened up the box.
lordy...old college essays, notebooks with notes from lectures and other stuff from my classes from over the 4 years i was in college. it amazed me that this box could hold all my notebooks, papers and the like, i'd thought i had so much stuff.
in the bottom of the box i came across a cigar box, it was one that i had been given by my dad, i had intended on using it to put in stray pens or things like that in it. what i actually did was to keep the love notes i recieved from my first real girlfriend; i'll call her Nona. i have no understanding why i choose that name, Nona. i'm not sure where it came from, it was just in my mind, it seems to fit her for some reason, if only i knew why i have this feeling that "Nona" fits her.
we had met during the summer, when i had gone up for the summer session, i had gotten a "research assistants's" position with a history professor, i wasn't taking any classes, but i met her in one of the classes that the professor lectured.
Nona just attracted me for some reason, she was maybe about 5 foot 5 or so, kind of petite in a really cool and sexy way, with medium-large breasts that looked so divine under her blouses and shirts: from the first day we met, i wondered what she looked like naked! i couldn't help it really.
she had short black hair, it was naturally black and cut in this kind of "pixie" fashion, like Tinkerbell or something, however she dressed in a kind of "fringe" Goth fashion. dark eye liner, with dark blue or light blue eye shadow, dark glossy red lip gloss, dark circular "granny glasses" and always dressed in a more "hip chick" Goth style than most dark Goths might dress in.
she was doing some kind of historical research project that the school of history was doing and she was taking this professors class. he had asked me to help her out on some of the research, since we both had that area in common, so the first afternoon we met, after class, we went over to this cool, dim-lit Italian oriented "pub" off campus. we took to one of the dim-lit corners, ordered some wine and small things to eat and shared notes and other information.
later on, since i lived in an apartment complex across the street from her dorm, we walked across campus together, simply chatting about things before we came to this college. i was from Lexington Kentucy, she was from Nashville Tenn., i'm not sure the similarities there, however it felt as if we did have something in common there. maybe the similarities was in family: hers was as dysfunctional as mine, but instead of an older brother in the Army, her oldest sister was in the Air Force.
we started to hang out together on M, W F days, that's because those were the three days of the week that the class was on, afterwards we'd hit the Italian "pub" for some wine, then go to the historical library to do some further research. i guess it was during the middle of the second summer session that i got enough courage to actually ask her out on a date.
it felt really odd and somewhat strange to ask her out on a date, i mean i'd only been with one other girl before and that was the previous summer, after my graduation and before i went to a 2 year college (i ended up only going one year there and transfering to the college i was at).
even before i actually asked, she figured out that i was going to, so she accepted even before i had a chance to do so: that started a full 1-year relationship with my first real girlfriend. after that first year at that college, she realized that she would be unable to achieve the degree she wanted, what with the cirriculum at the college and made the choice to transfer. it wasn't a very happy choice, at the time, that was for sure and for at least the first 4 months after she left, we did write and call each other.

i plan on writing a bit about that relationship in a couple of other entries, to follow this one. yeah, this is, i guess, part of what Peggy wants me to write about, i most likely would have anyway, eventually. these love letters and other things from that time sort of pushed some of the memories from where they were, back into my conscious thoughts.

short note & 2 pictures of a REALLY sexy Jelina Jensen (w/link)

2005-12-08T18:57:00.000-05:00

been a busy couple of days for me up at work, they hired this "kid" fresh out of high school who is supposed to be some great computer geek and all he wants to do is flirt with "Bev" (Steve would call her a MILF) and since she's "way single" and he's like 19, she's all goofy-eyes over the whole thing. i had to call the kid into my office and attempt to set hims straight about how to act at work. all i get from him is "my bad...", he just seems so blank!
i don't want to call Bev in and talk to her about the situation, however she is sort of leading him on and is enjoying the whole thing. but at work, you work, if you can get in a few flirts without causing problems at work, that's fine---but this between them is interrupting work.

i was going to write a bit more on some other stuff, a little bit about my past, when i was in college, so as to go along with what Peggy (therapist) wanted me to do. i'm just not in the mood for it right now, so i'll wait until i am "in the mood."

earlier i was going around to the other Blogs that i visit and visited Fuck It All, by Herr Verargert. He's got some pictures of this, my goodness, beautiful woman by the name of Jelina Jensen. i just had to see if he'd let me post a couple of the pictures here that he had posted on his blog...if you want to see the rest, you'll have to go to his blog (just follow the link!)

this woman is incredibly sexy!

Jelena Jensen 02

Jelena Jensen 03

LINK
F'it All

friday-&-saturday

2005-12-04T13:41:00.000-05:00

Dee called me at work on Friday afternoon at around 3:30pm, she was going to run late because she had to do some "after work" work (play catch-up on paperwork) and wouldn't be able to be at my house until 5pm. our workday ends at 4pm, most times, sometimes we stay until 4:30 or 5pm; i decided since Dee was going to be late that i'd hang around until 5pm.
got talking to a couple of people who work in a different department, i had gone downstairs to our little in-house coffee shop and joined them at a table. they've been here for about 2 years and love it, so we started talking about work and other things going on in the world. it was quite enjoyable to take the time to get to know new people.
once i got home, i figured i'd have enough time to take shower, once in it though, the nice warmth carried me away into one of my pleasant trances. i'm not sure how much time had passed with me in the hot shower, however the ringing of my cell woke me up. all wet and dripping, i answered the phone, it was Dee, she was at my front door and it was 6:30!!
got my robe, put it on regardless of being wet and went downstairs to let Dee in...once in, she got a real thrill of me being wet from the shower. she followed me on back upstairs and i gave her a really good show, once we got to the bedroom. i guess i was in one of my more exhibitionist's moods, which is rather rare, really. i turned on the stereo and did a little dance for her, stripping off my robe and then doing a lap dance, just for her.
she'd reach for my big boobies and i'd pull away from her giggling, then dance up close again, she'd either reach for my boobies or otherwise and i'd just dance right off away from her. i love to tease her, she's just so teasable. she did pretty good with trying to fondle my breasts when i was dancing close to her, what with me always dodging her, so finally i just figured "what the hell," and as i danced right up in front of her, i went ahead and let her cop'a'feel or two. now when she tried to suckle on my breasts---i just went on and dodged her.
she helped me pick out an outfit, then i got dressed and she complained that she was "all bothered," what with my dance and letting her finally fondle me and though the idea of a little fun intriqued me and her complaints that i was "being mean" (smile and giggle from her) and that by teasing her like that i was just plain being a "mean x-girlfriend." hmpth on her!
once downstairs i just had to stand my ground and turned to her and reminded her that for an "x-girlfriend," she certainly teased me enough over the past few months...so what's good for the goose is good for the other goose---so "stop your complaining!" (all in good fun!)
the Harry Potter film was too crowded, so we went and saw this other movie instead. some low budget thing that i can't even remember the title of or who was in it; guess that shows how good it was!
9:30pm, we headed up to a mall that was across from the theater, the stores were all going to remain open until midnight and there's this good coffee shop there too that stayed open, so we went over to the mall. i guess during our walk in the mall, we ended up holding hands and got a few strange looks from the older set of folks. it's odd that it seems female-female couples seem to be more accepted by the Baby Boomers and younger, however those who grew up as our grandparents and the like, seem to have a really difficult time accepting things. well okay, maybe it's not actually that hard to understand, however it seems a bit odd that the people who can't seem to understand such things are the same ones who raised their own kids who are more apt to accept.

so we're out in her car (she just bought a 2005 PT Cruiser), and, well, we sorta just started kissing. it wasn't really all that hot or whatever, just simple smooching. when we part, here's this 20-something couple, standing in front of our car, all googly eyed and watching us. the guy looks as if he's really fond of watching women kiss (etc!) and his girlfriend also seems rather intriqued by it. they profusely apologize for standing there like freakin' idiots, watching us, but: "...we couldn't help it, it looked so cool!" the girl says.
i was half-way tempted to ask her if she was "curious," she certainly acted as if she was, by the way she talked and acted. Dee and i figured that if she had been alone, without the boyfriend, she might have felt a bit freer to talk to us, or at least ask the questions she really seemed to want to ask.
after they left and went to their own car, we left the parking lot and headed on back to my house. it was a nice drive, though we ran into traffic a couple of times since the theater and mall were a bit away from the neighborhood.
it was midnight by the time we got home, turned on the TV to watch CNN, since i wanted to see the national news and stuff. after it, neither one of us really tired, we put on our "jammies," and i let Dee wear one of my other robes and i put on mine and we watched this silly '50s romance movie on the "Romance Movie" cable station. we were cuddled up under a cozy blanket, nice-warm and nuzzled up as we watched the film.
it was really early and we were both getting tired. i asked her if she wanted to sleep with me ("no funny stuff!") and she said sure---so we went to bed, cuddled up again, with her nuzzled up to my breasts, which seems to be her favorite place to nuzzle (i don't mind, really). and yes, we were still in our jammies!

woke up, noon on Saturday and spent the rest of the day (mostly) at several different malls, visiting the book stores, music stores and yes, Victoria's Secret.
Saturday we went out to a club, had a few drinks with a couple we know (man-&-wife), 11pm came home, watched a couple of movies, then went to bed.
it was a nice Friday and Saturday---next weekend, i think, is when J will be here! nervous! nervous!

posted some fav pix to my "fav pix blog!"

2005-12-01T19:16:00.000-05:00

996S62

Link
FavPix!

11-30-2005 (new addiction---THE SIMS #2 !!)

2005-11-30T21:47:00.000-05:00

i can't believe that it is already November! damn! it is amazing how fast the year seemed to go, i could resay that to mean: i can't believe how fast time goes by.

Lady got called away to an emergency in a different state, she left Tuesday, late at night and will not be back until Sunday.

over the holiday, while at my relatives house, my cousin introduced me to a PC game; The Sims (#2 with the expansion pack, University), we played for a couple of hours one night, she was showing me how to do things on it and before i left, she saved the character i created in a "package." i "cloned" the character and then played around with altering it before i played it in the game. i call her "Lipp Locke"
so when i got back, i went to the PC game store and bought me The Sims 2 and the expansion pack, they didn't have the newest one, Nightlife, so i ordered it. Lady enjoyed it too, however we're having to build up the relationship between Lipp Locke and Lovie Cravesit (a character from a Matt Helm spy movie---Dean Martin), and right now they're just getting into some solid flirtations. it's a really neat game and i surely do respect the folks who came up with it, must be some pretty complicated software, that's for sure.

well this is just a quick note, i'm on my way to take a long hot soak in the tub...have a date with Dee for Friday, all we're gonna do is go see the new Harry Potter movie (again) then come home to my place for a few drinks and TV (her daughter is visiting her father this weekend).

o-btw: here's a pic (not really good) of Lipp Locke, my character for The Sims...it's not a very good pic, can't see the detail too much, it's a "screenshot" for the "story." we used the program that came with it, the "build a Sim" program and i made it where her sexy lingerie could be worn as an "everyday outfit," figured, what the heck, right? now i want to study up on how to use that "create a Sim" program so that i can do my own!

what a holiday

2005-11-28T21:50:00.000-05:00

well i was going to use the laptop w/wifi, however the internet wasn't accessable to me at all over the past few days! hmpth!

on Tuesday, real late, we left (my sister, her BF, Lady and i), the flight was delayed due to bad weather and we got to Lexington kind of late. instead of Aunt C and Uncle H meeting us, as was planned, they sent my two cousins (and their spouses) to get us. i haven't seen my relatives in almost 8 years and i hardly reconized any of them. M (younger sis) had seen the relatives last summer, when they all did this sorta-reunion (since they didn't make it to my brother's retirement party) at a resort near Mammoth Cave.
my Aunt/Uncle have this really large house outside of the city a bit, so it's really nice out there and what with all of their kids (they had 6) coming for the holidays and bringing their spouses, it was good that they did have a big house.
nearly everybody with the exception of Aunt C and "Great Aunt" J, slept late on Wednesday because we were up very late on Tuesday. around 1pm i was able to borrow Uncle H's car, so Lady, myself, M and her BF went out for the day. we visited the area a bit, finding what's new, what's old and what's left over from the old years we spent time there visiting. it was pretty cool visiting the old haunts for a while. we met up with some of the cousins (etc) at an old resturant, however it was shut down so we ended up going to one of those "yuppy" like places that is the "in thing" nowadays.
had a couple rounds of drinks with some snacks, chatted quite a bit with the cousins, catching up on all of the news of the family. one of the things we spoke about was something really funny and to tell the truth, right up there with exactly what my older sister A would do. she's always been in communication with the family in some fashion, maybe she doesn't write often and most people are thankful about that, believe me. however after she had her titties made bigger, the doofus-shit woman sent everybody in our family a "before big titties" and an "after big titties"---topless of course, like the one i posted.
everybody got a great laugh at her expense, mainly because we all know her personality and attitudes real well. of course the cousins all claimed that they "couldn't believe she'd send pictures!", however we all know that it's something she'd do. and of course, she refused to be here for Thanksgiving: well, she ain't missed one damn bit.

Wednesday night, starting at about 8pm, along with Aunt C, Great Aunt J and some of the cousins (etc), we popped the cork to several bottles of really good Greek wine ("Cousin L" returned three weeks ago from her honeymoon to Greece) and a bottle of Greek Ouzo and as we did the prep for Thanksgiving "Lunch," we all drank wine, ate cheese and listened to '60s and '70s music. it was so much like that kitchen scene in The Big Chill (i think that's the movie), where everybody was drinking wine, dancing around and having fun while preparing food.

mom and her rich BF, Grant showed up at around 10pm, they had arrived earlier and spent some time at their snazzy hotel before they came over for a short visit. everybody went freakin' gaga over his new car, he actually traded in his '04 Chrysler Crossfire for an "early release" model of the '06 Crossfire SRT(whatever), which is really fine! he's into showing off his wealth, with the fancy car, expensive suits, lots of bulky gold rings...mom whispered to me that he gets a hard-on standing in front of Tiffany's. LOL

there was about 24 people (including kids) at the Thanksgiving Lunch, it started around 1pm and lasted until about 2:15pm...there was plenty of food, wine and good times, that's for sure. it was a whole lot of fun and i really did enjoy it.

i've never had a problem with my family (extended too) when it comes to who i am, that is, having the lifestyle i do, perhaps it's because of mom, who knows for sure. everybody, including the relatives i haven't seen in years, all accepted Lady for who she is and for being my girlfriend..."partner?" sheesh, i do so hate that word, "partner," it's just something idon't like to use. now my sister A uses it all the time and it sounds as if she's talking more about a business partner than a "mate" or a girlfriend, or a lover (even!). it's always sounded sort of cold to me, however this is my own opinion for me and how i feel about it.

Friday a couple of my cousins who're single (but cohabitating with their boyfriends), M and her BF, Lady and myself hit a cool nightclub, had a few rounds of drinks, did a lot of dancing...then mom and Grant showed up and, well, caused a rukus with Cousin "Chili" who has been in the Peace Corps for the past three years, working in South America as a teacher. Grant, as i might have said is a rich bastard and has a dim outlook on certain topics, so he got into a "disagreement" with Chili about "what's the use of the Peace Corps?" did i mention he's an asshole? LOL
Chili held her on, that's for sure and pretty well put Grant in his place so he decided to act even more moronic, so when Chili got up to leave, he pinched her rather perky posterior---which pretty well pissed off her boyfriend (whose from Brazil)---but she stood her ground and slapped the ever-lovin' shit out of Grant. it was a hoot to see him put into his place by a petite, perky, very pleasant woman, like Chili.

to say the least mom and Grant didn't come back to the house Friday night, they went off on their own to do whatever it is that they do to entertain themselves.

back at the house, at around midnight, we chatted for another hour then went our own ways off to go to sleep.

most of the cousins (etc) left on Sunday, being that they live closer to Lexington, however we (M/BF, Lady and i) left around 8pm on Saturday.

it was quite an enjoyable time, i really liked it a lot. i extended invitations out to several of my cousins to come for a visit, Chili might within the next month, so i'm looking forwards to that.

when i logged onto the internet Sunday, there was an ecard from J, with a note to tell me that she's coming out on business (one of her company trips) in two weeks and wanted to know if she could come over, like she did last time, for a weekend. i wrote her back, extending a "you're welcome to visit!", so that's something neat to expect.
Lady and i will spend this week together at my house, we've worked out a plan where two weeks out of each month, we'll spend with each other, either at my place or hers. the rest of the time, we're on our own, though we'll meet up for dinner or breakfast...or maybe a date during the other two weeks. oh yes, we'll also do our couples therapy too.

that's it for right now!

11-21-2005 (met Ms CEO, perfume & A sent me an Email!)

2005-11-21T23:03:00.000-05:00

rather cool place to work, i really do like it here. it's so much more laid back here than it was at the other job. i even met the biggest boss today. this whole time i thought that the ceo of this business was some middle-aged guy, yet it isn't, it's a middle-aged woman! Germanic with a bit of Irish blood in her; the accent is like, well, really weird. Irish with a tinge of German?
she came down from NYC, to pay a visit to this office, i already knew that this office was #2 on the company list, so her visits seem to be quite regular. Ms CEO came today to hand out "incentive cheques" (as she calls them, even the sound of check sounds like cheque), to some of the employees who have done their jobs real well over the past 6 months. this was done around 10am and the office-wide meeting, where the checks were handed out and other adulations were given, lasted for an hour. after the meeting, we all divided up in our appropriate departments and had a "can we do it better, or are we cool enough now" meeting. Ms CEO decided to attend ours and sat right next to me, she had this perfume which just about drove me nuts with wanting to find out what kind it was, it was so cool.
after the department meeting, which lasted an additional hour, we had a Thanksgiving office party, or i should say, each department did for their employees. Ms CEO decided, once again, to attend ours. what surprised me was that there was no "sucking up" or brown nosing at all going on from the managers or employees, when it came to any kind of treatment with her. it was as if she was "one of us," and it certainly looked as if she was really enjoying herself.
"Ned," who is the department liason between us and Human Resources comes up to me and whispers that Ms CEO and "Mr Grand" (one of the big shits upstairs) has been having an on-going affair for the past year, and even though they're both divorced (and currently "unattached"), they're acting as if it is some kind of lurid affair. i guess it adds a lot of excitement to the relationship, acting as if there's something provacative about the whole thing.
i finally get enough courage to go up and ask her about the perfume, she puts her hand on my shoulder, looks at me with these really cool, soft blue eyes and whispers, as if it is the most covert thing in the world: "oh, it's Elizabeth Taylor's XXXXXXX..." she pauses, gives me a more covert smile: "i love it, i put some between my cleavage and...well, you know where..." then she blushed about it. damn! i can't believe she told me about where she puts her perfume, it's just astounding how open she was about it all.

since i had a therapy session, which will be the last one until mid-December, when Peggy gets back from her "extended holiday" (she's taking a tour of Scotland with her husband), i left early and even before i actually went to Peggy's office, i stopped and bought some of that perfume. in the lady's room at the store, i put a bit of perfume where i normally do...then, for the fun of it, put a tiny dab on each breast (inner-part). no, i didn't put any down there.

we leave for Lexington Kentucky tomorrow...Lady and i will leave her house, head over to my sisters to get her and the boyfriend, then to the airport. this will be the first time in a very long time that i've brought a girlfriend with me to a family get-together. the last time was a couple of years ago when Olivia came with me on an Easter holiday to my mother's. we are coming back home on teh 26th but since i have a laptop, i am going to try to write a couple of entries while we're on holiday.

oh, i did get an email from older sis A, she's in better form, she must be on meds or something, she didn't even toss out an insult or complaint once. maybe she's feeling better, who knows. she did rant about her "new titties" a bit, i think she's quite obsessive about that issue and needs to work on her self-value and self-image a bit. why is it that women are made to feel less attractive or less important if they have "small" breasts, or ones that don't seem to be "culturally" large enough? yes i have nice firm large breasts and i've seen some horrid small minded people oogle them ever since i was a teen and i hate it. i'd like to slap some of them (and even women...even straight women!) upside the head and say: "my face is up here, not there, those are my freakin' tits, you moron!"

yeah, okay, i'll admit it, i contradict myself over this issue because i too like large breasts, however even though i prefer them, i also find smaller sizes delightful too---well Lady is calling to me to put a finish on this, so i'll sign off for now!

weekend BLA.....with a little pleasure with Dee, Friday night

2005-11-20T17:58:00.000-05:00

Lady recieved a call early Friday: she had to go to Boston for an "emergency" conference with some big shots who is having the company she works for, install a new system for their computers. she's been gone since Friday and isn't to return until around 9pm tonight.

i had to interview four ladies who applied for my secretary---my secretary! now that's something special, i have a secretary! they all have the right stuff for the job, two of them are quite stuffy and i don't feel they'll fit into the rather cozy atmosphere here in the department. one is a bit too giggly, fresh out of college and to wide-eyed, however she's also intelligent and knowledgeable about the system. the fourth is a woman in her mid-40s, attractive, business-like (but appears to know how to relax, which is important) and really knows her stuff. so it's between "Ms Giggly-Jiggly" and "Ms M40," i have them come in on November 28th for another interview, however i think it'll be Ms M40 who'll get the job.

i met Dee up at a resturant on Friday, it was quite pleasant during dinner. we had a couple of drinks after dinner as we sat around chatting. her daughter is off to grand-parents for T-giving, she left early Friday, Dee will head out by car on Monday to her parent's house.
after dinner and our drinks, i invited her over to the house, she had to go home first, so when we left the resturant, she went to her home and i went on to mine. i was in the mood for a Strawberry Margarita, so i fixed myself one after i had a shower and got into some more cozy clothes (a t-shirt, sans bra and a pair of old sweatpants). around 8pm she got to my house, i fixed us a pitcher of Strawberry Margarita and we just watched TV and chat for a bit.
in a near whisper, which she always does when it has something to do with being...uhm, "naughty," she asked me if i'd help her shave her pube. now Dee and i have had some intimate moments with each other within the past several months, which is, i must admit a bit unusual for us. a long while back, before i even met Olivia (or Lady for that matter), Dee and i were lovers and lived together. we "split up," eventually she met this guy she married (and had a child by) and i met Olivia. we've remaind really good friends ever since and, well, rarely had any intimate relations; well okay, more so these past four months. i guess its' because we're so comfortable with each other and that we fit so well with each other that we sort of "ease into" the intimate stuff.
we headed upstairs, i watched her as she stripped, she's got a nice body, that's for sure. i suggested that we take a "quick shower," so we went ahead and did that, no, we didn't get intimate, we just showered!
i got one of my older robes, gave it to her and she went on out into the bedroom while i got the shaving stuff, so that i could take care of that for her. when i got into the bedroom, she was laying on the bed, the robe partially off and ready to go.
yeah, we make a whole big ritual about the shaving of pubes...it's fun to do. she always likes to have no hair at all around her pussy, with only a little bit above her clitoris, which means we have to use one of those dilapitory (sp?) creams first and then to get closer, i use Edge shaving cream and a good razor.
well of course, when you shave, you have to touch---that is inevitable, right? Dee is very "sensitive" when it comes to touching her pussy lips and clitoris, played with right, the woman can have a full-tilt clitoral orgasm in only 5 minutes! however she's also got some incredible stamina too, though she has this initial and potent orgasm, only 5 minutes later, she can sustain her pleasure for quite a while, which means she can have more pleasure and repeat her orgasm again later.
okay, so while i was shaving her, i had to use my fingertips to move her pussy lips a bit, so as to get in all of those special places. i swear, she was on the verge of an ograms the whole time i was shaving her (and to be honest here, it was unintentional on my side!).
for the 30 minutes that it took to give her pube a shave, she was going back-n-forth on the orgasm see-saw; almost, then just pleasure, then almost...etc.
when i finished, her nipples were extremely stiff, her neck and shoulders all fuzzy pink and this incredible smile on her face. i knew she hadn't had one, however she got close at least three times: "so Dee, did you have one?" i asked her as i put the stuff away.
there was this long pause, then with a pout: "no i didn't, i almost did several times," she admitted as she just lay there on the bed.
then this weird urge came over me, so i slid out of my robe and jiggled my big breasts right there in front of her face: "want one?" i joked with her.
i used my hands, on each side of her head, to hold her and then smooshed her face between my breasts and listened to her mumble: "wanna masturbate?"
i drew back a bit, in my head i was thinking: 'yes i do, but i want you to suck on my titties first!'

Dee must be psychic, she nearly always knows what i am thinking. she leaned forwards again, cupping my left breast in her hands and sucked...licked, teased and taunted my nipple until it was extremely stiff.

well both of us was now extremely horny, so after i pull away from her, we sit on the bed facing each other and, well, we begin to play with ourselves until we're laying on our sides fully masturbating.

Dee cums first and it must have been a really good one because her whole torso was fuzzy pink with this delightful blush and her body jolted with her orgasm. as i watched her orgasm slip over her, i had mine and once both of us came down from the pleasure, we scooted up a bit, cuddled together and just lay there in bed.

Saturday morning i awake first, Dee is cuddled up against me, her face against my naked breast, her mouth right there on my areola, and her subtle, warm breathing is driving me nuts. she's in just the right position, cuddled up to me, that i can easily put my hand on her hip and slowly i slip it over her a bit and tease her pussy from behind. i do this for only a few minutes, until she opens her eyes, licks my nipple and then says: "good morning..."

we continue to stay cuddled in bed, though i moved my hand away from her and she's moved just a bit to where she's resting her head on my shoulder. i am tempted to see how well i did with the shave, it looks nice and smooth, but i'm not sure if it is...and i so love the tactile pleasure of a shaved pussy and clitoris. i look at her, pout and she purrs out: "yes, go ahead, you can..."

i slip my hand down between her thighs, feeling the utter smoothness of her pube, the way her pussy lips feel is spectacular, her naked clitoris is just delightful---and guess what, even from this light touch, she has an orgasm.
"oh dear," she gasps when she starts to have the orgasm.
i giggle, i can't help it, all i did was to put my hand on her, pressing my palm against the smoothness of her pussy and to just hold it there---okay, i sorta fondled her clitoris just for a minute.
for as long as i've known Dee, she's been this way, easy to orgasm. i once wondered if it was like some kind of male premature ejaculation or something, however Dee had seen a doctor about it once, soon after she had gotten married and the doctor said that though it was an unusual medical case, it was "just one of those unique and weird things..."
after a few more minutes, i move my hand, give her a quick kiss; "want to take a shower, then go out for breakfast?" i asked her as i slipped out of bed.
she watched me for a few minutes as i stood there before she agreed, so off i went to the bathroom to get the shower going.

got ready, went out to have breakfast, drove around for a while, took a "day trip" with Dee out of town to search for some antiques and books...around 4pm got back home. we had an early dinner and then went out to see the new Harry Potter movie. it was quite crowded, but the movie was really great.

after the movie, went home and then that's when Dee and i said goodnight, when she left to go home.

about an hour ago i recieved a call from Lady letting me know when she's expected to be home tonight, we're going to stay at her house again. of course we leave for the holiday soon too, so i have to get hold of my sister M pretty soon.

that's it from my corner of the universe! LoL

"Wicked Queen" & "Secretary Strip"

2005-11-19T12:32:00.000-05:00

Wicked Queen

i found this on the internet, though i can't remember where. it's supposed to be, i guess, though i'm not sure, the "wicked queen" from Disney's Snow White...right? LoL
i thought it was kind of neat, so i wanted to put it here---

*******************************************************************

secretary strip

also found this one on the internet, i call it "secretary strip," though i'm not sure what the name of it is, i like it too, so here it is:

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okay, i feel like being naughty!

2005-11-16T21:44:00.000-05:00

..

picked up Lady from her job at 3pm, was running a bit late, can blame the fact that i had to go a different direction than i used to have to go and it added about 8 miles to my drive. went out, had dinner, then decided "what the hell" and went to the mall just to walk around. we left the mall at around 6:45 and then headed over to her house.
it started off innocent enough, lounging on her big old couch and watching TV. we started to kiss, then we cuddled, nuzzled and...ooops!...her hand slips downwards, under my skirt and she starts to play lightly with the edge of my panties. i help her along and let her slip them off of me and then we go right back to kissing.
her fingers start to tease my clitoris, driving me nuts as we kiss, so i reach over to play with her, however...so we take a few minutes for her to slip out of her jeans and panties. before we get too far, she decides that it might be nicer if we just go take a shower. now we love to shower together, it's so much fun, so, well, how can i turn her down?
i'd say that within at least twenty minutes after getting into the shower, she's got me leaned up against one of the walls of the shower, she's suckling on one of my breasts, her hand cupped over my mons, middle finger teasing my pussy.
down she moves until she's got the tip of her tongue driving me crazy as she plays with my clitoris, she's streatched her arms upwards, hands cupping my breasts as she continues to lick my pussy lips and tease my clitoris with the tip of her tongue.
she brings me really close to an orgasm and then stops, slips back upwards and we kiss. my whole body is shivering in the hot water, as we kiss and as we fondle each other. when i reach down and use my fingertips to tease her clitoris, she steps back, gives me this smile and turns off the water..."to bed?" she asks lightly as she steps out of the shower.

after we're dry, we're laying on the bed, initially under the covers, however as we kiss, play and roll about, the covers are soon on the floor. i start with her neck and shoulders, lightly kissing them before i head down to first her left, then her right breast, their so cute and petite with delectable erect nipples. i kiss her tummy, play my tongue's tip at her belly-button then move downwards until i've got my tongue's tip at her clitoris.
i drive the tip of my tongue from her clitoris, down between her quickly swelling pussy lips, down to her sweet spot and then back upwards. after repeating this a couple of times, i return my attention to her clitoris and for a few minutes just bringing her all the pleasure i can.
abruptly she moves, forcing me to quit and she gets out of bed and heads to a drawer. when she returns, she bringing along Mr Wabbit, and with twinkling eyes, she hands it to me.
soon i'm slipping it into her pussy, turning it on, it revolves and massages her g-spot and the ears of Mr Wabbit is pleasuring her clitoris.
oh, did i mention that she had taken to a position that would allow her to use her tongue on my clitoris?
we're in this sorta 6-9 position, with me using the Mr Wabbit to bring her pleasure, however i do add a bit more to the ears of Mr Wabbit by daubing my tongue's tip at her clitoris too. in the meantime, she's using her tongue on me and the whole thing is just driving both of us wild with pleasure.
after a bit she asks if i want her to use Mr Wabbit on me, which i enjoy sometimes, especially the ears bit, however at the moment i'm more into what she can do with her tongue, rather than what the ears can do---and she's got her finger massaging my g-spot anyway!

enough talk!!!

oh yeah, it was really good!

afterwards we just laid in bed...then decided to go downstairs for a bite to eat and watch some more TV...we didn't even get dressed, we just decided to stay naked...

new job!

2005-11-15T22:07:00.000-05:00

started the new job as department boss!!! yep, new job, new position, new (and better) pay! hot damn! :)

actually on Monday the Twiddles and i, spent four hours in "training" for the new job(s); basically all we did was to learn more about the history of the company, the big shots in our local office and in the "head office" in New York and then a break---then---about what our own duties were. we also had a few more papers to sign and then after that, we went on to get used to the new digs.
wow! their system is twice as good as ours, actually it's a system by the same company that Lady works for and was installed in early 2004, not by Lady but by some other person within the company she works for. it is a lot like the "new one" at the old place, but a lot easier to use and with a lot more power to it.
our department is on the fourth floor of this ultra-mod, really cool building. our department takes up about half of the fourth floor, my office is along the wall that faces towards a rather pleasant view and is in the center section---i actually have big windows too! the PC that they have in my office is a brand new Dell, and the company has its own private company-run internet (certain employees of the management level get "free" access for home use!), so i'm gonna drop the servier i have since i don't need it anymore. they gave me a broadband modem for my home PC and all of the other stuff i'll need for it. there's 24 people in the department, pretty well divided up equally in male-female ratio and i already know about 10 of them from "the business."
the department spent about an hour in the conference room, basically a sort of "get to know each other" type of thing, which turned out to be more like a post-lunch hour party. once-a-month the department gets together for two hours, usually before clock-out time, to have a "conference" over how the month has gone and to go over projects, however as they say, that part only lasts for about 45 minutes to an hour, so they spend the rest of the time having a party.
the company is "employee oriented" which means that they do special things to keep employees happy, so that the work load is shared amongst employees and departments, there's better communication between the department heads, the workers in the departments and the upper-folks. there's even two gyms on location too, just so that the employees can have a place to go during lunch breaks or coffee breaks (or before work or after work) to work out.
the person i am replacing had been in the position for about 3 years and took an option for a trasnfer to their Chicago office, the one that was supposed to get the promotion decided to transfer to a different department (Human Resources), so that meant my position and Twiddle-Dee's position were open for applicants.

yeah i think i'll like it here. at least the only overtime will be during specific times of the year when the workload is expected to be heavier and the pay will be better. since there are 24 department employees, the work is spread out better and there should be no backups on the projects unless something goes haywire.

the only "problem," which isn't a bad one, is that i have to take a 45 minute drive to and from work, which isn't all that bad since i have a more direct, though off-the-track route that i can take. no more major city roads or highways for me, when i got to work or go home! no more traffic jams! the only main, large road that i have to take is for about 5 miles, which is right near my neighborhood, then its off onto a smaller, less used road, all the way there.

am at Lady's for the week. we both have the 23d-through-27th off (go back to work on Monday 28), so i asked if she'd like to go to Lexington Kentucky, where my aunt-n-uncle live, for Thanksgiving. Mom and "Grant" (her boyfriend) are going to be there, and my sister M and her BF are going...my older brother and his family might come, if he can get away from his own new job for a while. Lady said she'd love to go, so we're gonna all (Lady, myself, my sister & her BF) take a flight out...sis is going to get the tickets on Friday.
our "couples therapy" was pretty good, as was our individual one too, she's really happy that i got her to go and we're both "making headway" with it as well. basically we've been together, either at my house or hers for the past week and will be together until whenever...it's been very enjoyable being with her, though we did get into a tiff a couple of times, but that's normal anyway. it wasn't too much of anything and we ended up giggling about it anyway (i needed some extra stuff for cooking and i asked her to go to the store and she didn't want to since she doesn't know my area as well as i do...hmpth! LOL). we made up within 20 minutes and had to interrupt the cooking of dinner for an hour, since i took her to the store, showed her how to get there and back and then...well, we did have to make up, right? :)

i'll write a bit more on these past few days, most likely tomorrow!

epiphanies??? from J's weekend visit

2005-11-13T08:09:00.000-05:00

some quick notes...

my last weekend with J proved these points to me:
it's nice to simply have somebody to sleep with, having her beside me in bed, all nuzzled up and cuddling up while asleep is really nice. it makes me feel secure, it gives me peace, it is something that i truly do desire.
she is the type of person that would be easy to fall in love with because she's such a sweet, kind and loving human being.
i enjoy the sensations of being adventurous and having fun, these feelings i have when with J are very similar to those i have with Lady...maybe that's one of the reasons i enjoy being with J so much.
it's time for me to search within myself and find out why i have this problem with commitments, i so want to enlighten myself and figure out why.
i want to continue to go to therapy, mainly to work on my own insecurities as well as these commitment problems i have...and i want Lady to come along on some of them so that we can work on things together.
i feel sure that there is a solid chance for a long-lasting relationship with Lady, if we can both get over our past experiences enough to figure out why we both have these commitment problems---why is it that i always seem to have relationships, initially like the one with Olivia, where it was a long-distance relationship with somebody who also had problems with commitments?
i did enlighten myself enough to come to the realization that the relationship with Olivia just wasn't working and thus had to end it.
i do feel that my relationship with Lady can be the one, if we both just figure things out.

i am tired of living my life alone...and...i am in love with Lady and i know she loves me too, so why is it that we can't make a commitment to each other? is it something in our past that keeps us from doing so?

this weekend, from Friday afternoon, i've spent with Lady, we plan on staying with each other for the rest of the week, it has been really nice to be with her and it's been great. Monday through Wednesday we'll stay at her house, then Thursday through Sunday we'll stay at mine.

Monday i have a session with Peggy on my own, Tuesday Lady goes in, on her own and then Thursday we have a session together, so things are pretty cool right now with the therapy stuff.

i wonder what the percentage is, when it comes to the amount of people in this country who seek professional psychological therapy for just about any reason...as well as for help with "commitment problems..." and of course, "couples therapy." sometimes i just feel like a nut, sometimes i don't ...

did some transfer of pix from HERE to THERE :) (new)

2005-11-12T12:55:00.000-05:00

this is just to say that i redid the format of my favorite pix blog, d/l a "blog skin" and played around with it until i have it the way i want (well sort of); then i went and did a transfer of some pix from here to there.

if you want to check them out, here's a link to it!

link: TrainWreck'sFavPix

To "Walkin" (aka Jen) & etc...and changes to the comments & pix notice

2005-11-10T03:40:00.000-05:00

first i'd like to apologize about never doing a reply to your lovely comments so long ago, i just get a a bit dimwitted at times when it comes to this blog (loll).
i hope that you have continued to come here and will accept my apology for being rude about not giving a reply to you.
i was going back over the blog and finally noticed your comments from a while back, i want to thank you for them, they're very nice to read.
see i don't go back and look at my entries sometimes, i forget about the comments being there, i guess in a way it's easy to forget about them, due to the format here at Blogger. see, at the other online journal that i originally started at, it was set up so much different than this one. there was the "journal" and then there was a link to our "forum," so it was so much easier to simply hit the link to the forum every time i went there to write.
i made a copy of your first comment, i'd like to write an entry using it, so as to give a reply back to you. actually you have some very valid points and i've come to similar conclusions, i guess that is why i want to dedicate an entry to it. your comment, way back when, actually has gotten me to do some additional thinking on the subjects.
so i hope that you have continued to come by, i hope that my not replying back got you to leave, it's just me often just not checking the comments things as i should.
some i guess i replied to when i noticed a comment, some i noticed and gave none, some i noticed and deleted...some i just came across today and didn't comment on either.
i will try to do the entry over that comment as soon as i can, or at least after i've given it some additional thoughts.

****

now some may notice, if they do, that i have changed the format for the comments, i had it completely open for just about anybody who wanted to, to leave a comment. i hate to change it to the one where you have to be a registered Blogger person to leave a comment, however i have changed it to that. i changed it for my own reasons and though i feel like a censor by simply deleting certain comments, i deleted them nae-the-less. thus i also decided to change the comment format, so if you're a registered user, it's available for you, if you ever want to comment.
if on the other hand you're not a registered user or you chose to be one of those "other" or "anonymous" commentors, the "C-Box" tagboard is there for you to use.
for those who use the comment, if you'd like to make sure i do backtrack and check for comments (lol), then just leave a quick note on the C-Box (ie: "i left a comment on _date_"), that way i'll be sure to find it.

****

as for pictures for my favorite pix blog, i have decided to transfer a majority of the pix that i had here, over there, i shall do that possibly today (Thursday), or maybe on Friday.
newer pix are in the near future...it's just hard keeping up with both this blog and that one, what with all of the outside things i am doing right now.
sorry for not keeping up with the writing here, the pix there, and the comments! lol :(

the weekend with J, part 2

2005-11-09T23:30:00.000-05:00

just a short one to finish off my weekend with J...

so on Saturday we decided to head out again, i took her to some other sites around town, then to a couple of malls, where we just walked around and looked in windows and such. did stop by a bookstore and picked up a few books that i've wanted, then a CD/DVD store, where i bought some three CDs and two DVDs that i've been wanting.
first went to the coffee shop, sat in the corner and chatted about a few things, nothing overly serious really. it seems that we both kept away from the topic we really wanted to talk about though.
around 6pm, after we had left the coffee shop, we headed over to this nice Italian restaurant and had quite a nice meal, along with two glasses of some really good wine. from there we headed back to my house, for about an hour we watched TV, then around 8pm we decided to go ahead and hit the hot-tub at Steve's house.
J seemed a bit nervous, i don't blame her, so was i, however i had a swim suit to wear but i kind of felt sorry for her since she didn't have one. so what i did was to wear this kind of filmy bra and a thong, at least that way we'd both be in our undies...yes i suppose i also, in a subconscious way wanted to be dressed kind of sexy for her. before we headed off to our separate ways to get ready for the hot-tub, we agreed that it'd be best to wear some bathrobes, so i got her one of my old ones.
twenty minutes after heading off to change, we met down in the den and then headed on over to Steve's house, using the backyard gateway into his yard, from mine.
i had already gone over that morning, while i waited for J to get ready, i had turned the hot-tub on, did the water thing and had it all set up with warm water; so everything was ready, with the exception of swiping a bottle of really good Italian wine from Steve's cabinet. when we got into the hot-tub room, i dialed down the light to a lower setting, opened the wine, poured a couple of glasses then looked over at J expectantly, still unsure what to do.
basically at the same time, we removed our robes, J was delightful looking: dark golden brown skin, firm large breasts (not as big as mine, though), she's really quite cute, though she insists that she really isn't...she has this self-image problem, like i think a lot of us do. she was wearing this black lacy bra, just the shadows of her areola and nipples could be seen and she was also wearing a pair of black satin, high-hip panties---i was certainly looking forwards to see her when she was all wet!
at first she just gave me some covert glances, not wanting me to catch her looking my way, however i knew she was and that made her even more cuter.
we got into the tub and immediately relaxed as we took to the warm water. after a moment or two i handed her the glass of wine and we just went on relaxing in the tub. yes, her bra, when wet, did go see through and i could see her nice breasts, however back in Hawaii, i had seen the naked before anyway, but they were quite impressive under that wet bra. of course the water made my bra just completely see through and after a few minutes, i decided to just completely discard the bra altogether.
i waited for a moment before i took it off: "do you mind if i take my bra off? i see no use in it since it's all see through now," i asked in a whisper.
she blushed, "well if we were both topless in Hawaii that time, we both might as well..." with that said, nearly simultaneously we removed our soaked bras, tossing them over the edge of the tub and onto the floor.
i noticed that J's areola had gone from their medium-large state to quite taut, making up a rather large egg-shaped base to her big erect nipples...she was such a delight to look at and i began to wonder how her nipples would feel between my lips. when she caught me looking at her breasts, i blushed!
"thank you..." she said in a low whisper. i guess my confused expression let her know that i was unaware of what she was thanking me for, so she blushed: "thanks for complimenting my breasts, i could tell you think they're sexy by the way you look at me."

it was a bit strange, there we were, trying to avoid looking at each other's breasts and attempting not only not be caught at it, but also avoiding each other's eyes...the strange thing was that we just sort of scooted over a bit towards each other and then, there we were kissing.
after the kiss, she scooted back over to where she was in front of me and after a few long minutes of silence, we started to chat and finish off the bottle of wine. somewhere along the time we were chatting, after the third glass of wine, i slipped out of my panties and sat there in the tub naked. J even slipped out of hers, feeling rather bold, and the both of us sat there in a very nervous state, quite totally naked.

abruptly: "i have this friend, she's got a hot-tub," J admitted as she began to look around at the tub, "she has one that has a...uhm, nozzle like thing in just the right place..." oh, then she gave such a delightful blush.
i knew what she meant about the nozzle, this hot-tub had one too, just in the right place for a little bit of, uhm, well, masturbation pleasure.

"yes, it's right over there," i pointed out at a spot between us in the large hot-tub, "to be honest, i use it, uhm, quite frequently, when i'm in the tub, it's really great."

she scooted over just a bit, examining the nozzle, "yeah, this tub does look like the one my friend has, they must be made by the same company..." she replied as she turned a bit to look over her shoulder at a flat spot on the top of the rim of the tub. "i bet the control are right over there...", then she looked at me expectantly.
"oh yes, that's them alright, you can control the water jets from that panel," i replied, attempting to make an expression that would be translated into...do you want me to turn it on?

she moved over to the panel, looking at it, then flipped a couple of switches, going through each nozzle until she came to the one she wanted, and left it turned on, shooting out its gentle jet-spray under the water. "i bet whoever designed this tub, designed that nozzle for exactly the reason that makes it popular, i bet a woman helped to design it," she said as she scooted back over, closer this time to the nozzle.

we sat there in silence, neither one of us saying anything, but both of us showing signs of being horny, just the same. i knew she wanted to give it a try and she knew that i wanted her to give it a try---on top of the fact that she also knew that i wanted to do it too.
it was like we were having a little battle on who would give first...the strain was really getting strong between us, we both wanted to, but we both didn't want to be the first one.
finally J, in what i know was very counter her usual demeanor and attitudes, glanced at me: "so, how do you do it?" she asked.
i thought for a moment, the image of her using it was too strong in my head. "oh, well, you get on your knees on the ledge where we sit, and kind of lean forwards a bit, the nozzle itself can be adjusted either up-n-down or sideways, so that you can point it to wherever you want it to be doing its jet-stream of water...then...well, you just enjoy it."

she gave a full blush, i mean, her whole body seemed to blush, it was so cute and sexy all at one time. i could tell she was having this inner argument about doing it, then she just slipped up onto her knees, facing the side of the tub, her hand on the nozzle.
"oh my!" she let out, right off, as the she first experienced the jet-stream of water..."ooh yeah!"...and then she kind of leaned back a bit, thrusting her pelvis forwards.
i watched in total amazement as she got off on that jet-spray of water, then dared to scoot over towards her. i really wanted to slip my hand under and upwards a bit, playing with her pussy from behind, or at least touch her clitoris as the water jet-sprayed onto it, but i held myself back, not doing it. instead, i boldly reached up and caressed her breasts with shaking fingers. she opened her eyes, looked my way, then closed her eyes again, just getting into the rush.
her nipples were already pretty erect, i couldn't believe that they'd get any stiffer, but her areola just sort of went more taut and her nipples just went so big and erect. i had the urge to get up a bit and suck on her nipples, i almost did, however i just went on and played with her breasts and nipples...my body aching to suck on her nipples.
i moved behind her, pressing my breasts against her back, my arms looked under her's, my hands on her breasts as she continued to "ride the jet-spray"...she was murmuring and moaning in pleasure, really getting off and in the end, it just made me more horny than i could almost stand.
it must have been at least 20 minutes or so that she rode the spray and i played with her breasts, when a tremendous orgasm rocked her body, it was so intense that her pelvis shivered, her body covered in goose bumps and finally her knees giving out. i moved away from her as she slowly turned around and sat down and leaned back against the side of the tub: her big erect nipples like two giant mountains rising out of the water.

with eyes closed: "oh holy shit," she let out in a murmur. "that was incredible, i've never experienced anything like that, and that includes using that Mr Wabbit toy that B bought me several months ago..." she admitted without opening her eyes.

oh how much i wanted to lean over and lick those two big nipples...all i did was to sit on the other side of the spray, waiting for the right time to ride it too.

a few restless minutes later, she opened her eyes, glanced towards me: "okay Missy, it is your turn..."

i took to the appropriate position, used my hand to adjust the nozzle and then...wham!, i was on the road to a very good orgasm! usually, and this isn't boasting, i can ride that spray for up to a maximum of at least 40 minutes, of course getting myself close to an orgasm, only to cool it just a little, then to return to it. one tends to learn from a continued experience of its use and the more one learns, the more one is able to control the orgasm. i'm not sure how long it was, however when i felt J's body pressed against mine, like i had done her, and to feel her hands on my breasts---i almost had an orgasm!
at first she was quite tentative about caressing my breasts, at first all she did was press her body against mine, resting her hands on my hips, then very slowly and as if she were experimenting on the sensations of it all, she moved her hands upwards: examining the curvature of my breasts, their fullness and then finally to cup her hands on them. it was glorious, though deep down i'd love to have had her play with my clitoris while this was all going on...and i wondered if she could sense that desire within me.

then---not quite what turned out to be 30 minutes later, the orgasm hit me, i continued to ride the jet-spray for a minute or two, letting out my own moans and murmurs of pleasure before she moved off, sitting down and watching me orgasm.

"my oh my," i let out as i finally left the jet-spray and sat down opposite her, "that was quite nice," was all i could say.

how odd though, neither one of us even looked as if we were embarrassed about masturbating like that, we just felt the wonderful energy of each other's and felt it combine as we sat there. it was one of the most glorious moments i've had in a very long time.

there was this strange silence between us for a while: "did i cuddle up to you last night?" she asked, then added: "i have this impression in my mind that i even held your breast as i slept."

yeah, that was nice, as i have said, i woke up to find her nuzzled up to me, her hand up my pajama top, holding onto my breast. "yes, you did," i said, then told her about waking up.

this time she blushed, it was such a cute blush at that. then she asked something incredible and what i figured very hard for her to do, "could we sleep together tonight?"

it was asked in such a soft way, i knew right off that it wasn't the kind of "sleep" that people would normally define it as, when it took in two people, no, she actually just wanted for us to be together as we slept. "sure, i think that would be really nice," was all i could say before we finished off our last glass of wine.

around midnight we got back to my house, we were both still naked and both of us pretty tired, while at the same time, still buzzing from the pleasure we'd experienced in the tub. at the foot of the stairs: "i'll be up in a minute or two, let me get dressed for sleep," she let me know.

i left her and hurried upstairs, hitting my room in a fury, trying to figure out what to wear to bed. i didn't want something overtly sexy, no Victoria's Secret or one of the outfits that i might wear when Lady and i were together...something simple yet, okay, somewhat sensual anyway. i finally settled for a shorty-chemise sort of thing that came about four inches below my breasts, showing a bare midriff, and a pair of pink high-hipped panties that went with it. i studied myself in the mirror: okay, i sort of looked sexy, i wondered if it was too much, or maybe too suggestive or something...then there was a knock on the door and it was too late to change.
when she came in, she was wearing this really cute beige mid-thigh length silk-like nighty, it was quite cute with a somewhat low neckline which showed plenty of cleavage without being overly sexy, her nipples, still stiff (but not as much as before), could easily be seen under it, along with her large dark brown areola. she also wore a thong, which really showed off her delightful butt. she was very cute and quite sexy.

we stood by the edge of the bed facing each other, our arms going around each other and we kissed. at first it was just a soft one, then it went kind of heavy...breathlessly we pulled apart, both of us wanting to keep going on the road, but both of us not really knowing how.
we parted and i sat down on the bed, looking up at her, "you know, if i were to make love to a woman, for the very first time," she let out in a whisper as she sat down and took my hand; "it would be you..." she admitted.

my heart thumped several hard thumps and ended up in my throat. i wasn't sure what to say, wasn't sure what to do, it was simply too confusing...in a way it felt as if it were indeed my first time to make love to another woman. i mean, i felt the very same sensations, doubts and confusions...and desires...as J did, at that very moment.

"a part of me really wants to experience it, wants to experience it with you," she admitted again, "that same part of me wants you to show me all the possibly wonderful things that can be shared between two women..." she paused briefly, our eyes met, "but...well, another part of me is scared and confused...i don't want you to think that i led you on, or anything by this, i'd very much just like to nuzzle up to you and fall asleep with you...is that okay?"

she was so beautiful, and how much this experience reminded me of my first time, it was rather uncanny. "i would really like to make love with you too J, i really would...however i want you to be ready, to make love for the first time on your own terms, when you want to...i can only hope that it might be me..."

with that said, we kissed again, a long lingering kiss and then slipped under the covers. she nuzzled up to me, her hand slipping over to me and caressing my breast...

Sunday morning we awoke, still nuzzled up, at around 9am, very bleary eyed we got up, she went downstairs to get ready and i got ready upstairs. before she had finished, i was already downstairs and getting ready to fix breakfast. we basically ate in silence, both of us unsure what to say to each other. in an hour she'd be gone and i'd be by myself at home, watching TV and hanging around on my own until M came over and then the two of us, went over to her house to pick up her boyfriend, then went over to Lady's to pick her up and we went out for a late lunch.

around 1am on Monday, i decided to get online before i went to bed, there was an email waiting for me from J, she had gotten home okay, gotten settled in and then decided to email me. it was a nice, intimate sort of email, it made me have all these warm and wonderful feelings about her visit...then she ended with: "...the company wants me to do a return visit to Boston in three weeks, seems like we now have the contract and I am in charge of the project...maybe i can come over for a visit again?" ...ending it with one of those delightfully cute pink, blushing emoticons.

the weekend with J

2005-11-07T15:23:00.000-05:00

on Friday J arrived, she called from the airport to get driving instructions and then she rented a car, almost an hour later she was at my front door---we chatted for a bit, catching up on as much as we could before we went ahead and hit the town.

Friday night we hit this club i like, J dressed up in this pretty pink satin-n-lace top and a black skirt and knee-high boots: she was really quite cute and delightfully sensual in her outfit. she told me that she "doesn't consider" herself cute or sexy, but she really is and the many glances she got from guys surely proved the point, but she said they were looking at me, not her. excuses, she always came up with excuses, even when she knew that they were looking at her. several guys asked her to dance, but she always turned them down politely, though i know that she wanted to dance. i was going to ask her about that, but i didn't, i figured if she wanted to tell me, she would.
Dee showed up for a while and we all sat at our table just chatting away, having a couple rounds of drinks, listening to the music and watching the folks dance. it turned out to be a rather loud Friday night at the club, so after Dee left, we hung out a bit longer before we left. neither one of us was really to head back, so i drove to this quiet coffee shop that stays open all night, it's sort of an "after hours" hang out, so we found a corner spot and had coffee and chatted for quite a bit.
she told me that ever since that night at the beach in Hawaii, she's been thinking about what went on between us and how comfortable she was with me that night. J says she still feels a bit guilty about what happened, mainly that she feels guilty because were both women, not that she feels she "cheated" on B. what she seems to have problems with is what a lot of women go through when they have these "unusual feelings" about another woman, even when one has fantasies about being with other women, the guilt can show up. it's all a part of our culture and society i guess and it affects us in so many different ways. J doesn't classify herself as bi-curious, nor even bisexual, she's only ever "done anything" with me, back on Hawaii, so the logic is: "how can i be bi-curious or bisexual?"
we backed off that subject, i don't think either one of us was comfortable discussing it, i suppose subconsciously we both decided to just sort of "go with the flow" or whatever.

we finally decided, after getting ourselves full of coffee and caffeine to head on back homeward. there was no way, even at around 2am that we were tired, thanks to all of the coffee, so while i changed out of my outfit and slipped into something silky and a robe...J also got more comfortable and we met back downstairs. the munchies, that's basically what we had, so after getting something to eat, we sat on the couch, with the TV on and continued to chat.
it seems that it always goes back to that subject though, so we spoke about various things when it comes to that. she's rather confused, somewhat shaky about it all. she told me that i was the first woman she's ever felt this comfortable with, to be able to talk about it and what we did on the beach back in Hawaii. J admitted that back a couple of years ago she found herself attracted to this other woman she worked with, they were "work friends" and that's about it, however she found herself having these fantasies. it kind of unnerved her, that she found herself attracted to her and that she had fantasies about it. i let her know that, as far as i was concerned, from what i had gleaned from therapy and reading stuff, that it's "normal" for women to have fantasies and to wonder about things...that those sorts of things don't mean they are bisexual or bi-curious or even lesbian.
she asked me if i felt that there was "anything wrong" with what we did at the party, back in Hawaii and all i could do was ask her in reply: "did you really enjoy our kissing and caressing?"
J thought for a few minutes, i could tell that she was thinking about the guilt, the confusion and whatever else...then she told me: "yeah sure, i did enjoy it, but..."

all i could do was smile, it's something that we all go through, this guilt and confusion and there's always a "but" attached to a lot of it as well, it's all this psychological stuff attached to it, i suppose.

for some strange reason i leaned over and gave her a kiss, it was just a normal kiss, nothing passionate or anything like that. we kissed, we parted, she blushed.
then...she kissed me in return, that was a big step for her, taking the initiative and when we parted, she certainly went into this very embarrassed blush.

i got up, put the plates and glasses away and when i came back to the couch, i just sat down in the corner of it...J sat there for a few minutes, unsure what to do, then she just moved over and cuddled up with me, nuzzling up to my breast, her hand on my tummy. i put my arm around her, got the blanket and was able to toss it over us with my free hand. i guess we just naturally fell asleep, because around 10am Saturday morning, i sort of woke up.
we were still cuddled up on the couch, she had her hand up under my silk pajama top, her hand cupping my breast and she was still nuzzled against my other one, she was soundly asleep, looking quite cute. i carefully re-adjusted my position and in so doing, she moved her hand off my breast and back to my tummy...her fingertips just a scant half-inch from the edge of my pajama bottoms. the palm of her hand was so nice and warm against my tummy, it just warmed me up all over as we lay there in our cuddled sleep.

the next moment, i awoke, it was almost noon, her hand was still on my tummy, she was still nuzzled against my breast and my hand had slipped downwards a bit and was actually under her nighty, resting on her hip. J let out a soft "g'morning," and then realized where her hand was, but she let it stay there anyway. nonchalantly we kissed before we completely straightened up and separated on the couch. "i guess we fell asleep," she let out after a moment and i wondered if she had any idea that she had slipped her hand up under my top and held my breast.
after waking up just a bit more, i glanced at the wall clock, let out that it was noon and too late for breakfast, we both decided to go ahead and get up, do our morning rituals, then dress and hit the town for something to eat.

while i used my own bathroom upstairs to get ready, J used the one downstairs, so around 1:30 we met back up in the living room, both of us wearing jeans and blouses and ready for the day.
right as we were leaving, i got a call from Steve, he was on one of his out of town jobs again and wanted me to check up on things around the house..."i'll be gone for another week," he let me know before i hung up.
a thought hit me: "how about a hot tub tonight?" i asked J...who just stood there for a moment before she let me know that she had nothing to wear for a hot tub. all i did was grin and remark: "well, you have panties and a bra? wear those then..."
it seemed like an odd idea to J, however after a few moments, she came around to the idea of it, so it was decided that Saturday night we'd spend some time in Steve's hot tub.

11-06-05 (just a quick note)

2005-11-06T21:57:00.000-05:00

well what a weekend, starting with Friday! J got into town, as i said, we just went around town on Friday afternoon, showed her the limited sites around here, went to the mall, had dinner early and then went to a club i like. Dee showed up, we partied together for a while, around 11pm Dee went home, midnight J and i left and hit a coffee shop. spent at least an hour at the coffee shop chatting before we went back to my house, where we stayed up really late, chatting and...watching tv. slept until noon on Saturday, after lunch went to a few places, J and i just hung around the house Saturday night, watching tv and chatting...

i'll write about the weekend later, it turned out pretty interesting, that's for sure!

have next week off too, don't know for sure what i'll do, other than the therapy session on Tuesday, Lady will be there too, she also says she'll spend the night on Tuesday and Wednesday.

the Twiddles' last day at work is Wednesday, they're taking their final two days off, so that they'll have a "long weekend" before we all start the new jobs on Monday. got tons of paperwork and some files to look over, the new company sent them over to me on Tuesday, so that i can acquaint myself with the new job.

my older brother and his wife will be coming through town around 11-19, on their way to visit mom in Lewisville, so M (younger sis), her boyfriend and i are going to take our brother and his wife out to dinner, somewhere nice.

A called, she's still full of shit, still bitching about everything. so damn proud of her "new titties" and all, sheeesh, i wish that woman would just get over it and get on with her life. i'm starting to see her in a completely new light, i mean, all these years since my 20th birthday, to be jealous of me because of something physical, like breasts? actually, as A says, she's been jealous of me and my figure (especially breasts), since i was 16...i just don't get it, i really don't. there must be more to this whole thing than just breasts! i told her to go see a therapist, she says she is, but she "isn't getting any place with it," well hell you nitwit, of course not, you don't want to!

J is here for the weekend

2005-11-04T19:04:00.000-05:00

Lady indeed came over for the night(s)...i'll write about that later. also had therapy session on Thursday, Lady came along too, yes i'll write about that as well.

J got in around noon, went out to have lunch, went shopping, showed her the sights (not much around here!) and then came back home. we're just about ready to go out for the evening, she's finishing up getting ready and then we're off. told Dee that if she wanted to, she could meet us up at one of the night spots we always like to go to on the rare nights that we hit the town.
guess that's it for right now, we're almost ready to head out, i thought i'd leave a quick note anyway.

11-02-2005

2005-11-02T18:23:00.000-05:00

Monday morning, really strange start for the whole week! i go to the office, actually getting there about 45 minutes early and Greg is already there, he's waiting in the lobby for me. he lets me know that the "big guys upstairs" know that i am leaving, the "paperwork has already gone through, as of late Friday..." damn! that was fast! so we go up to my office, ha, my old office and he lets me know that as of noon, on Monday, i will be on vacation, which means, i officially don't work there anymore. talk about surprise and very fast! i mean i didn't actually put in my official "i am leaving" paperwork, online, Friday at around 3pm. i didn't expect to have my travel papers done until Tuesday! oh well, that's fine with me!
i gather up my stuff, which is mostly pictures, some manuals that i bought, some software that belongs to me and the nice laptop that the company bought me back in June. around 11:30, the department gives me a "goodbye, good luck" party, the Twiddles let me know that they'll be seeing me at the new place in two weeks and around 1pm, i'm leaving. kinda sad really, so many memories, so much time spent here at the company. in a way i will miss it, however i am also, though nervous, looking forwards to a new position, which shows a lot of promise.
on my way home i suddenly get this mood to do something, to go somewhere so i call up my younger sister, M and ask if she's gonna be busy Monday on through Wednesday afternoon---she can skip her classes, since they're all "self research" sorts of things and since i have some money stashed, we make an unexpected and spontaneous trip to Boston. by the time i get home, she's called a travel agent and gotten us two tickets (which i paid for anyway), by the time i get packed up, she's at the house and we're off to the airport.
we spend most of Monday afternoon at the ritzy hotel, getting settled and then we hit the sights around the area before we go to a fine restaurant to eat. Tuesday is spent seeing the historical sites (which i've seen plenty of times, however i love Boston!) and then we go off and spend some time shopping. i buy a few new outfits for my new job and then we go to Victoria's...i fret over several sensual lingerie outfits, thinking about getting a couple, my subconscious mind doing all these mini-fantasies about when J comes to visit. i have to literally tell myself that they are fantasies and that there isn't much of a chance that what was really a pleasant moment in Hawaii, has a chance to continue when she's visiting. oh well, to hell with it, i buy a special outfit anyway, then get some other things there as well as something sensual for Lady.
M and i return to the hotel about 6pm, put the bought stuff up then decide to go to a couple of local nightspots. the first one is pretty cool, yet it's a bit crowded, so we only have a couple of drinks, while some Harvard type hits on M, who keeps letting him know in that girlie way that she's already taken---but the Harvard type doesn't care.
around 10pm we leave there and head over to this other, more quiet spot that i know about and we end up having another bite to eat as we have a couple more "after dinner" drinks. midnight came really quick though and we hitch a ride with a taxi back to the hotel, and once in our room, we chat it up for another couple of hours before we decide it's really late and time for sleep.
today we spent from 10am to about 1pm seeing some other sights before we took a commuter flight back to our hometown, it was a bit of a rushed trip, however it was great to get out of town.

tonight while i'm online, i get this email from J, she lets me know that she'll be in town on Friday and once more makes sure that it's okay for her to visit. even in her email i can tell she's nervous about coming to visit and i wonder if she has had these fantasies about coming to visit. what took place on the beach in Hawaii was really special and really sweet, to be truthful, i wouldn't mind...well anyway, so she will be here Friday, about noon.

Lady is coming to spend the night tonight and maybe Thursday night...guess i'll dress up in my fancy, sexy lingerie and give her the outfit i bought her...

way early!! [ i will be taking the job w/the other guys! ]

2005-10-30T05:51:00.000-05:00

woke up, couldn't sleep, even with Lady laying in bed with me. i stayed in bed for a while, her body so nice and warm and just too damn alluring for me to stay in it with her, while she sleeps, because all i'll want to do is cuddle up and caress. so i got out of bed, put on my robe over my naked body and went to my office to log onto my blog.
a lot of things have gone on in a very short time. i called the Twiddles into my office on Thursday to see what they thought about the offer from the other company, they said that if i went, they would too. i've been thinking about it seriously since Friday night, maybe that's why i can't sleep.
it has been made clear to me by not only Greg but the higher-ups around here that the only way i will get a promotion (that means to Greg's job) is for him to either quit, promoted or...well anyway. for him to be promoted, that means the one over him has to be promoted, quit or etc...it goes on up the line until you get into the stratosphere of management. they stated to me at least, that there are no plans to promote anybody for a long time, however they did offer to raise my pay.
now see, it's like this: i have been here for quite a while, however it's crowded around here, which means that nobody is going anywhere, at least around here, very quick. the way i see it, i should have been promoted to Greg's position either late last year or at least around March of this year, i've been here long enough, hell i was here before Greg was. Greg was an outside hire, they hadn't even really even thought of me for the position when he came here because as they said, and i agreed: i hadn't been here long enough to acquire the necessary "tools" for the job, Greg already had them. hmpth.
so it goes like this: the one person in my department who is next in line for my job, shall i quit, get promoted, or etc is Twiddle Dee, even though Twiddle Dum has the same qualifications, T-Dee has the "tenure" so to speak. but for him to get the promotion, i have to be promoted and for me to be promoted, Greg has to...etc. so nobody is quitting and nobody is being promoted.
according to both Twiddles, the upper management called them, individually, into meetings, especially since it has become quite known that all three of us might be leaving for the other company (thanks Greg, you nut). they were individually promised, if they stay, an increase in their pay, however if you look at it logically all it is will be a "natural increase" that they would be getting at the end of the year---and of course if they got the increase now, they wouldn't at the end of the year, so it's no real big deal. they made a similar offer to me, except with me, i get not only an immediate increase but half of my end-of-year natural increase in pay. so what? even that doesn't equal the amount offered by the other guys.
now the offer from the other guys is really cool: it's basically the same as what Greg does here, i'd be the boss over not only the archive department but also the research department, this is exactly what Greg does here (for lessor pay). the benefit package is double what it is here, sick time and vacation time is better by half there than here...and the pay? oh yeah, the pay is half more than what Greg makes here and he thinks i don't know what he gets paid! all that stuff is really cool but what's better is that for a "bonus" to sign on with them, they will let me take my time off, which has built up to about two weeks worth, they'll let me take immediately, which means that even before i start working there, i'll have a two week vacation, which means i'll not actually lose my vacation (only thing, i don't get paid for it, since they say it's not "their vacation time allotment," but so what?).
if i switch over now, starting say Monday or even Tuesday, i'd be able to have the two weeks off immediately which means i'd be off while J came to visit and Lady has already said she'd take some time off too. that's the second layer of icing on the cake, so to speak!

i've decided to switch, i feel that i should, i have the need to switch jobs. it just feels right to switch. as my dad might say, which was one of his favorite quotes when we were at an impasse on what we should do: "Damn the torpedoes full speed ahead!"...and as one of my favorite movie characters, played by Tim Curry would sing: "Don't dream it, do it..." so, on Monday i'll call the other guys, let them know and let Greg know and...well, Wednesday start my two weeks off. i had already given the other guys a tentative yes, so the paperwork is already started, as far back as Friday afternoon, they even called Friday, right before i left for the day, telling me that all that is left is for me to fill out my tax info and "package deal" paperwork! so, in reality, everything is set.

Lady and i rented about four DVDs to watch, it was fun, went out for dinner, went to a nice pub afterwards, had a couple of drinks, then came home, cuddled up on the couch and watched the movies. it's nice to be able to spend time with her, next Wednesday we have a meeting with Peggy-the-therapist, it's cool that Lady has chosen to make it a "couples" thing too. she's individually seen Peggy twice too, says that it is helping her quite a bit. i know that going, as a couple, has helped us both, it has given us an insight to each other and to many other things too about relationships and commitments. it's a shame we're both wacky though, this commitment thing is really a drag, that is, our problems with being able to commit. it came to me a long while back that in a subconscious way, whatever i witnessed between my parents, as i grew up, must have had a deep influence on my psyche and personality when it comes to how i view life and commitments.
it's not a cool thing to have to carry all of this unwanted baggage around, especially when the source of the baggage is not from us, but from the side-effects of what our parents did and how they lived their lives. what's that saying: "the sins of the parents are visited upon the children"? i'd have to agree with that, even if the meaning behind it is initially religious---in truth, i think it also means the psychological and emotional too.

well it is incredibly early Sunday morning, i'm shivering a bit because i'm naked and nervous about things---and i'm also a bit more tired now than i was an hour ago. so i guess i'll call this entry quits and slip into bed and cuddle up with my sweet Lady...

A's (older sister) "new titties" [profile]

2005-10-28T12:29:00.000-04:00

a long while back, when A found out that i had a large influx of finaces (when i got my two big bonus checks), she insisted that i loan her some money...originally i was going to loan some to her, thinking that she was going to use it to come to our brother's retirement-reunion party. upon finding out that she was going to use the money to "get new titties"---i simply refused to loan it to her. after that, she refused to have anything to do with me, with the exception of rude-angry emails and phone calls.
apparently she went to her head shrinker and got him to write some kind of letter to her medical insurance company, stating that "having breast augmentations is part of her therapy..." or something such as that, and the insurance company set aside their original decision to not pay for her breast augmentations.

so she went and had her titties made bigger and she is so proud that her breasts are better than what they were before, as if having large breasts is something so wonderful...as if large breasts define who a woman really is. there is so much more behind her "breast fetish" than just actually having large breasts, i don't think that her psychologist has had any sort of serious discussions with her concerning this, all she ended up doing was giving A "permission" to buy into her own personal problems of self-worth and self-image---which i, unfortunately seem to be a part of.

anyway she sent me two different shots of her, a frontal and a profile: the frontal picture didn't come out well over the email, however the profile did. as her "just rewards" for finally "one-up'ing me" and being able to be "the woman i should be" (according to A, her new titties make her a "better woman")...and to glorify my sisters decision to be this "better woman"...i am posting the profile shot of her "new titties."

oh, btw: how interesting that her term for herself prior to the augmentation was "my breasts" or now as "my old breasts," in comparrison to her term for herself as "new titties"...why "breasts" for the old self's breasts and "new titties" (titties, generalized) for her "new pair?" odd how she degenerates herself, is this yet more psychological shit, or what?

profile of A's "new titties"

today--- 10/27/2005

2005-10-27T12:58:00.000-04:00

up at the office, not much of a big day today, kind of slow actually. today is "archive day" which means that the department is busy taking what was done for the past two months and putting it all into the archive. the Twiddles don't like archive day since they're in charge of it, archive day is the day that they really have to work at, since they're the ones that are in charge.
i've spent the morning hours in my own little office, doing some catch-up on some of the projects that i work on, IE: the North Carolina clients.

got a birthday e-card from Olivia, as well as an email from her. she says that she's doing fine and that she and Lilly are going to Chicago to visit Lilly's parents. Lilly's parents have known for the past five years that she's a lesbian, however she's never introduced Olivia to them. i guess the "time is right," or whatever else, that makes Lilly more comfortable in introducing her partner to her parents.

oh yeah, I'm now 30. what? thirty years old? OMG!!

no, it doesn't really bother me that i am now 30. i haven't exactly achieved some of my goals that i wanted to, however i feel it is harder to live up to our own expectations than those of our parents...though it appears that they are more disapointed. in the long run, i'd rather have a disapointed parent than to be disapointed in myself: so i've got one of them---i'm disapointed with myself.
whose to blame when we, ourselves, as teens or college kids set goals that, if one was to look at them logically and with reason, could never reach? who is to blame? us or our parents, or our culture itself? i'm doing a job that i am good at, however it isn't what i really want to do, however the pay is really good. last week i actually got a job offer from a different company that does much of what we do, however the offer included a promotion to basically Greg's level and with a substantial raise in pay. yes i am considering it, seriously. it's still the same old shit that i am doing here, only at a higher "boss" level, for more pay and benifits. if i compare my ability to replace Greg (should he quit or be given a promotion & based on "the unknown factors"), i'm not going anywhere fast at this job.
they even gave me an "incentive" to move over to their company---that if i decide to do so, that they will "accept" four of my chosen fellow employees from here, and will make them a good offer to move with me. now that would be cool, so i have to now secretly question the four folks that i'd like to see move over with me.
as i look at it and i laugh at myself about this, especially since i poke fun at them all the time, i'd like for the Twiddles to come along. i already know where they stand on this, since we've already spoken, quite candidly about the possibilities. if they were made a "good, sound offer" for a better position and pay, they'd move in a flash. so, that's down solid.
it's the other two that i have to think about, but then again, i really don't have to have four people, that was just a suggestion. so i might settle for the Twiddles and one more, just have to figure out who.

Lady came over on Tuesday night, we didn't celebrate my birthday over the weekend since she had company, so it was left up to Dee, Steve (he was in town) and myself. went out to a nice resturant, then to a club, had a few rounds of drinks, then came back home. Steve had a new heat pump installed in his hot tub and suggested we try it out: so we (Dee and i) surprised Steve by getting in naked!
when he came into the screened-in area where the tub was and spotted us naked in the tub, he almost pissed his shorts! it was so funny, the way he looked at Dee and her delightful body. he's seen mine frequently enough, but he's never seen Dee undressed. before he even got to the tub, we could tell he had a boner. so in he slips and sits opposite us, trying really hard not to look at either one of us. after about twenty minutes, Dee insists that if we were naked, that Steve should be naked. at first he balked at such a deal, however we stared him down, so off went his shorts...his cock all stiff, to Dee's delight.
we just lounged around, chatting and having two more rounds of drinks, so when it was about 11pm, i finaly went home, leaving Dee and Steve alone. both of them seemed more interested in being left alone together anyway.

i went home, called up my mother and we talked for about thirty minutes about nothing really. before we hung up, she said that she "almost forgot" my birthday, which doesn't really surprise me at all...odd, eh? anyway she said that she sent a card to me, so to expect it really soon.
after that, around midnight by then, still naked but wrapped up in a light blanket, i watch TV for a bit before i head upstairs. did a last minute check of email, got a birthday e-card from J (who says she'll be "around and in town" most likely the second weekend of November) and an e-card and email from A (older sister). big surprise, the e-card from my sister and the email was rather surprising too! she sent me a picture of her "new titties," as if i care about her getting them made bigger! she's just so funny and so wrapped up in herself. think i might post her "new titties" in a forthcoming entry, ha!

Monday Dee came up for lunch and we went off to a fast food place. she was all embarassed and the like, blushing, she told me that she had given Steve a hand-job, right there in the hot tub. he had returned the pleasure by giving her both head and pleasure via his fingers---i had to giggle about that one because, honestly, Steve is really good at pleasuring the clitoris with his tongue and his fingers. so Dee really got off to being masturbated by Steve...and thinks she got the better pleasure out of it! after lunch, Dee hung out up at the office for twenty minutes before she left.

so on Wednesday i came in around 11am instead of the usual time, however i stayed a couple of hours late to make up for it. Lady and i had a really good time together, we had dinner at home, cheap take-home Chinese and plum brandy (not that i liked the brandy all that much!). after dinner we watched TV until around 9pm, turned it off and just listened to some smooth jazz as we chatted, sitting on the couch. we slowly began to make out, she is certainly a fantastic kisser, i've always liked that about her too. as usual, the kissing soon included caressing and fondling, which was very enjoyable.

and yes...i'll be back later to write about the rest of the evening!

******************************

no, don't ask why i have included this animated gif...

email from J gets me to thinking---an "arrangement," a possible cop-out in the making?---Dee's visit Friday night

2005-10-23T05:04:00.000-04:00

it's been a rather interesting past few days, yeah work has been sucking, had to do extra work couple of days ago because one of the folks decided they had "anal myopia" when it came to coming to work ("can't see my ass going to work")...so, of course, i have to do their work too. assholes. somehow i have to find a way to gain vengeance on them!

i got this email from J, the woman we (Olivia and i) met in Hawaii on our trip, the one that i was strangely attracted to, who was also very intrigued with the woman-with-woman experience...you know, the one that i sorta made out with on the beach, at that party? come to find out that she is making a trip to this area within the next couple of weeks, without B, who can't get out of work. J didn't tell me what was bringing her to the area, but she asked if she could come and visit while she's "near" here. it'd be really nice to see her, i still have these fantasies about her...and me. i wrote her back telling her if she comes this way that she's more than welcome to come by for a visit, just to give me a couple days notice.
i think that Pandora's box was opened, way back this past summer when J and i made out on the beach. she's a bit naïve, i like that about her, she's so sweet, caring and understanding. she's also quite cute, sensual and a delight to be with. i surely did enjoy our short time on the beach and to be honest, a part of me hopes that she is still interested in...well, in what we discussed back in Hawaii.
for a whole couple of hours after i read her email, i thought about Hawaii, thought about what we had talked about, thought about our really nice moments of innocent making-out...innocent? that's an interesting concept, "innocently making out," how is that possible to innocently make out with somebody?

i was sitting there at my desk, my brain on automatic, just all in the clouds, thinking about Hawaii, fantasizing about what might have gone on, if we'd not be interrupted by Olivia and B as they came back---i hadn't realized that my hand had slipped downwards and it wasn't until i was on the verge of a slight orgasm that i realized what i was doing. damn!
yes, i will admit to it, i am still interested in making it with J, i can't help it. she's cute, she's caring, understanding...naïve, and that's what makes her sexy and appealing. being naïve about her feelings, being naïve when it comes to the pleasure that she wants to experience and the guilt she has for wanting to experience it. now i'm feeling guilty a bit for wanting to share that with her! what would happen, if she comes to visit and the feelings and the desire to experiment with those interests are rekindled?
yes, it is true, i'd like for us to be able to just lounge around, chat a bit and as we do, for her to ease herself into allowing her interest to come to the surface...and...for a return to that time on the beach in Hawaii. i can't help it, J is just so intriguing and delightful to be with, so full of life and a naïve, nervous spirit of adventure.

to be honest, it's been already said...Lady and i have had three sessions with Peggy since the first one a couple of weeks ago. we both have problems with commitment, she read my blog and that is what got her to agree with seeing Peggy, however it also got her to admit to a couple of things too. this summer, when Olivia and i were in Hawaii, Lady had an old friend visit her from Denver for the whole time that we (O and i) were in Hawaii---an old girlfriend of hers and they too, shared pleasure. yes, i suppose it made me feel jealous, why wouldn't it? yet it also seemed to take away some of the guilty feelings and that is troublesome, in a strange way.
then she made a further admission, her last trip, the one she was on when my mother was here, when we three (mom, M and i) went to the nightclub for that party...well, while i was there having my own fun, Lady was in Denver, with this same old girlfriend, having her fun too.

are we ready to make a commitment to each other? are we ready to become a couple? obviously not!

we're crazy, all of us, every human being on the face of the planet is crazy. i'm not the only one. it's okay to masturbate, we all do it, we all have done it, we'll all continue to do it. so why should i feel guilty about it? we all have fantasies too, everybody has them, i have them, Lady has them, Peggy has them...you, me, all of us. so why should i feel guilty about having them? why should i feel guilty for having these fantasies of threesomes with Lady, Dee and i? Lady has assured me that she too has had threesome fantasies too! Lady has assured me that she's had fantasies that didn't include me---if she can have these, then i can have mine.
she has been with another woman since we've been dating, honestly, why not? it's not as if we've made a solid commitment to each other, or that it's even been suggested, either openly or silently. why should there be guilty feelings? shit, because i care for her, she cares for me, so there should be some guilty feelings involved...yet at the same time, if there's been no "agreed-upon" commitment to each other, why is it so wrong for us to date? there shouldn't be anything wrong with it at all, yet Lady has admitted that she feels "somewhat guilty" about her time with her old girlfriend and i feel somewhat guilty too...yet it isn't anything that will break us up.
in the end, we decided that we will work on this mutual psychological issue of commitment, and to singularly as well as individually work on it, as well as other psychological or emotional problems with Peggy (yes, Lady has agreed to go on her own too!)...and to, well, of course for us to continue to be with each other...but...(isn't there always one of them?), until we're able to work through our own individual commitment issues (and other issues) and mutually work on them to a point where we feel we're able to...then, well, if we want to "date" others, then...why not?
fuck, it sounds like an "arrangement" to me, doesn't it? in the end it can either benefit us, giving us time to individually as well as mutually work out our problems with Peggy (and with ourselves) and give us a chance to "naturally" ease into a committed relationship, monogamous with each other...or...we can drift apart and ourselves not with each other. that is the bad part of this whole thing, yet it is also, well, a natural part of it too, isn't it?
i mean, it isn't as if there's any real "love interest" in my life right now, other than Lady...and the same can be said of her. we're not out there on the hunt or whatever else. i'm not apt, anytime soon, to initiate any sort of relationship with any specific woman, or whatever else...and neither is Lady, so she says. however, we have agreed that while we're "working on the issues" (mutually as well as individually), maybe the best thing to do is not to attempt to make a commitment to each other, in the long run (or even the short run), we both feel that the chances of a committed relationship between us, right now, before we're psychologically ready, is a bad idea, for we both feel it is doomed.
now this might sound like a cop-out, it might sound as if we're giving each other an "out," so to speak and maybe in a way it is, maybe in a way it is only us playing tricks, not only on ourselves, but each other. however, deep down, even if it feels as if this "arrangement" gives us an out, it also gives us an "in" too, doesn't it?

we all came to this conclusion last week, on our second session, our last one was where we just chatted about our pasts and why we might be the way we are today, because of something in our past. as we continue to have these mutual sessions, we continue to learn about each other. i think, even though a part of me dreads this whole thing and wishes it could be a different way, i accept the facts that, even if we foul up and don't actually become a committed couple and perhaps this arrangement might spell its doom---at least we have seriously tried to work things out.

and yes...Lady had, all the way back to the last week of August, made a date for this weekend and even the next, with her old girlfriend, who is coming for a visit. and yes...i will admit to it, i feel jealous. that's normal, isn't it?

we agreed that "ignorance is bliss," so we'll be working on certain past issues, some present issues that have an impact on our relationship and our ability to make a commitment...

life---so freakin' confusing, isn't it?

*********************

so Friday night, since Dee's daughter was spending the weekend with her grandparents, Dee came over. one thing that i have fully noticed about our relationship is that anything romantic just sort of happens, it isn't like we plan it, it just happens. we're so comfortable with each other, yet we know where the dividing line lays when it comes to certain things. we've been friends for such a long time, been through so much with each other that we find it quite easy to read each other...i know when she's sad, or glad, or happy...and when she horny and wants some fun. she knows the same thing about me too.

we decided to be somewhat naughty Friday night, so after i fixed up a big pitcher of Strawberry Margaritas, we cuddled up on the couch, naked, sipping our drinks and watching naughty movies on the PayPerView. yeah, sure, okay, we started fingering each other a tiny bit, nonchalant and leisurely, not really interested in anything hot or horny...just simple pleasures. after the pitcher was all gone, both of us were a bit fuzzy and i made mention that i needed to take care of my "muff hair," and always had a problem with doing it myself. well Dee volunteered to help out...so upstairs we went.

okay, so while she was shaving me, she kept teasing my clitoris with her fingertips and sometimes she'd even make an attempt to slip her finger into my pussy...and yeah, i liked it, liked it a lot. when she used the Polinex shower thingie, to rinse me off, she did take a bit more time on spraying me than she needed too, and she did use her fingertips too...yeah, there's nothing like spraying water and fingertips to raise you to an orgasm. oh, the little wench, she halted her play before i had a chance to have one!
we finished up after a bit, my clitoris and pussy now free of pubic hair, it was all smooth and wonderful and she kept looking at me as if she wanted to see how smooth it was, with her tongue.
once on the bed, i let her see what kind of shave job she gave me and so, she explored my with her tongue. once again, it didn't take her long to bring me to the edge of orgasm, however this time i called a halt to it. i "wobbled" my breasts at her and she certainly knew what i wanted---she moved on upwards, caressing my big breasts with her hands, suckling on one while she played with the other. as she did this, i let my own hand wonder down to her clitoris and soon both of us were pretty much into the pleasure.
abruptly however after a bit, i pulled away and rolled off the bed---she looked at me as if i'd gone wacky as i searched under the bed for a small box. when i brought it up, laid it on the bed and brought out Mr Wabbit---her eyes lit up...and i let her know that she was going to be having some incredible pleasure!

the "mom essay" part 1

2005-10-20T23:41:00.000-04:00

i guess i was about 14, one late night i snuck into the small room that was off of my parent's room, i was looking for something when i heard my parents talking, i really didn't understand much of it then since i didn't have any idea what their relationship was, i mean they were simply my mother and father.
obviously my father was mad about something, he was ranting at her about her friend, a woman that we knew as "Dee" (not her real name, obviously). now Dee had been a family friend for as long as i could remember, she'd been over a whole lot of times and my parents would get a babysitter for us kids and they'd go someplace with her. what dad was complaining about, at the time, didn't make any sense at all.
he didn't like the fact that..."recently when we've had our threesome, it is more like just you and her, i've been sitting on the sidelines watching you two have fun...used to she would have fun with the both us..." and on and on. i wasn't sure what he was talking about, but it was obvious that he felt left out of something. mom really didn't say anything, other than something like: "okay, we'll try to pay more attention to you," and that was about it.
i wanted to talk to my older brother about what i had overheard, however he was already in the military by that time, in boot camp, so i never got a chance to talk to him about it until years later. however by the time we felt comfortable enough to talk about our parents, i already knew what a threesome was and that my mother had been a "closet bisexual" long before bisexual was, well, a part of our culture.
later on when i was in college, after mom and dad divorced, she came to visit at college, we both got stoned on some really good weed and i suppose it helped to relax her enough to be somewhat uninhibited. she basically "spilled her guts" to me, not a whole lot, but enough for me to realize that as far back as her being around age 18 or so, she "knew" she liked both men and women. she also told me that her "first time with a woman" was when she was 19 years old, the summer before she went into college and met dad. it was then that she discovered that she indeed liked to be with women, however as she said: "...not as much as i liked being with men," however she did "continue to experiment with her attraction to women," yet back then things were so secretive that things were kept at such a low key.
dad seemed to be quite open to accept many things, he "accepted with reservations" the idea that mom liked him (and men), but also liked women, she even confided that though they (her and him) weren't officially boyfriend-girlfriend, she had also "been seeing" this other woman she knew at the dorm she lived at. in other words, while she was dating him and having a relationship with him, she was also having an intimate relationship with her...secret girlfriend.
once they decided to "become a couple," she drifted away from her experimentations with other women and "went heterosexual and monogamous" with dad. but, well, as she says, her libido and adventuresome spirit got the best of her, two years later when she met some "secret lesbians." one of them was "liberal enough" to be bisexual, so they became lovers. after about four months of this relationship, as she told me that time at college, she felt guilty about it and went to dad (still her boyfriend) and confided in him that she had been having "trysts" with this woman. at first he was pissed off, they split up for at least two months, then got back together.
it wasn't until after they got married that they came up with this "arrangement," which they decided to have since it was apparent that mom still wanted to "experiment." as i said, dad seemed to be more open minded about things than other men, however as mom believed, he tolerated it because in his mind she wasn't "cheating" on him since she was having an intimate relationship with another woman.
i never understood that concept though, for isn't having an intimate relationship outside marriage adultery and cheating? what matters if the wife is having an affair with another woman?
so the arrangement went like this: that if mom wanted to have her experimentations, then the woman she had one with had to accept dad and agree that they would all have a relationship---in other words, mom's lover had to agree to having a threesome at various intervals during the year.
mom says that at first dad suggested this arrangement simply to shock her and maybe feel some kind of jealousy, like dad did whenever she had some tryst, but all it did was intrigue her...and she agreed. during this whole time she only had like four girlfriends over a 10 year period of time, so how interesting if not coincidental that they were all single women, about her age, who were bisexual and liked dad.
perhaps it would be called an "open marriage" or something like that, however neither one of them considered what mom was doing, being with another woman sometimes, as being adultery, nor did they consider it adultery when dad joined them for a threesome. i asked mom if dad ever took to having affairs, since she apparently had at least four of them before their divorce. all she told me was that she was "90% sure that dad never had any affairs, outside the threesomes that they had with her girlfriends..."

dad must have been one hell of a person, to be able to accept mom for who she was, a secret bisexual who continued, as she insisted to call it, experiments with intimate relations with other women, she never until only two years ago admitted she had been bisexual. even after their divorce, when she began to have a lesbian relationship with "Dorothy," she refused to admit, at least openly, even when it became more acceptable in our culture, that she had been bisexual or was even a lesbian.

their divorce came about when i was just getting ready to go off to college, most of what i write here comes to me from what my mother talked about when she visited me during my senior year in college. i guess she was feeling somewhat guilty about things, or maybe she just was stoned enough, once again, that her inhibitions were lowered and she felt it easier to talk.
one night they had a discussion, dad was not very happy with the way things had been going and he too felt some guilty feelings about something. he admitted to her that he had been having this relationship with a woman lawyer in the firm he worked for, it had started "innocently enough" on this trip they had to take out of town for business. another thing that had been bothering him for at least the last six months about mom and their arrangement was that "Dorothy" (who then professed at being bisexual) had slowly been "paying more attention, pleasure wise," to mother during their threesome and that neither one of them "seemed very interested" in him. he told her he felt like an outsider, as if he wasn't supposed to be there and that in truth, he wasn't welcomed to be there with them.
mom admitted that she and Dorothy had "moved onto the next step upwards," which meant that they had decided it was time to profess that they were indeed lesbians and both of them "wanted out" of the arrangement.
mom said that in a weird kind of way she was relieved that dad had been having an affair with this woman for the past couple of months, that it made it easier for her to tell him the truth of the matter---that it made it easier for them to get a divorce.
actually the idea for the divorce was dad's idea, mom said that he admitted to have "been toying with the idea of divorce" for the past six months and when he started his affair with "Kelly," it just seemed natural for them to get a divorce.

i can remember the night that dad packed up, kissed me and M (younger sister) goodbye, called A (who was off at her Jr year in college) and told her that mom and him were getting a divorce. A almost went freaky over the news, she already had an idea as to their relationship, she certainly knew more about what mom was up to with Dorothy than he was, or even than i had been. even though she knew about things, A simply didn't consider the facts that our parents were at a point in their lives where they no longer "felt right" about being together. it was soon after this that A cut mom out of her life and only would continue a relationship with our father until his death a couple of years later.

no sooner did i get off into college that Dorothy moved in, M, though in her mid-teens accepted this rather peculiar relationship, she wasn't all that ignorant, like apparently mom or Dorothy thought she was. she knew what was going on, that mom left dad to be, well, a lesbian and that Dorothy was her partner. mom's and Dorothy's relationship lasted for at least two years and came to an end when Dorothy got a promotion with the large multi-national company she worked for and along with the promotion came a transfer to a different city. mom didn't want to move from Louisville Kentucky, she liked it there, she had a home there and so---their relationship came to an end.

after Dorothy, mom remained unattached and "non-dating" for about eight months, then she met "Ted," who she began a relationship with, leaving behind her lesbian lifestyle, though she still, at times, "went bisexual."
mom and Ted's relationship last for a while, however when he suggests that they move in together, she balks at it to a degree that he tells her that if they don't move in together, that he's halting their relationship. mom never did like ultimatums, so she kicked the dude to the curb and went on with her life.

then dad died...all of our lives went stupid., more on this subject some other time.

she "dated a bit" here and there, but nothing serious, she dated men, she dated women, though had decided to revert to her "secret bisexual" status again, she claimed she just felt it was necessary to keep "that part" of her life secret again.

well then, then she met Grant, who was as about as "flaky about relationships" (her words) as she was, on their second date she felt this "oddball and weird compunction" to tell him all about herself, including her bisexual tendencies, her "lesbian year" and all the rest. he patiently listened to her and then, as she said, shrugged his shoulders and replied: "so?"

they've been together since then, though she has, at "certain times" had trysts with women she has known for years and Grant has even joined in, at least four times, for threesomes. she really hasn't told me much about Grant, he seems to care for her very much, they don't officially live together and he does admit that he has a girlfriend (on the side), who he has been friends with for years.
it's a peculiar relationship, i'm not sure how similar or even how different it is from her's and dad's relationship, other than the one with Grant seems to work right, in some way, a lot better than her's and dad's. maybe dad just got tired of things...i'd like to have been able to talk to him about it, but we never did, i could never seem to get the courage enough to talk to him about his relationship with mom.

i'll leave this portion of the essay come to an end, i'm still learning about my mom, even at this age...which in two more weeks i will be having my birthday. oh boy! hmpth. i'm not sure if this is even anywhere near what Peggy wants or expects, it's the best i can do from not having any kind of specified set of ideas as to what was really wanted out of this essay. i wrote what came out and this is what came out, and i'm sure i'll write some more later...

past couple of days---pix of "Kira"

2005-10-19T13:16:00.000-04:00

what a dreadful past couple of days!

Greg insisted that he heard the calling of our clients in North Carolina and the call included me and Twiddle Dum.
so very early Monday morning the three of us got a flight to N.C., so that we could do a meeting with the clients on Monday and Tuesday. i told Greg that from now on i want "hazard pay," if i am to go off out of town, it's one thing for him to do it, since he's the bigshit around here, however to drag me to these dull meetings that end up not enlightening at all, is just silly.

Lady was over on Sunday night, we spent most of our time watching TV though until maybe around 9pm when we finally went upstairs to my office, she wanted to check her email since she's expecting an important email from her home office in Denver. so i leave her in the office for a few minutes and come back and there she is, looking over this CD of pictures that Steve gave me. she's looking at some of this very outstanding, beautiful, large bosomed beauty with red hair. "She's very pretty," she lets me know, "...her bosoms are about the same size as yours, don't you think?" she adds as i take a look and see that it is the model known as "Kira."
i don't reply, i just look over Lady's shoulder at the pictures and finally admit that Kira is attractive and quite sensual to look at, then tell Lady that there's some of her with another woman.
"Oh? do you think she's bisexual? she sure is pretty," then she pauses, looks up at me, i guess i had this pout and she pats me on the butt and reassures me that i'm beautiful and sensual too. hmpth.
when i don't respond to any of her replies or whatever else: "Oh come on, if you had a chance to spend one night of lust-filled pleasure with this Kira, you'd do it, wouldn't you?"
i really didn't have to think about it at all because it's true...there's just something about her pale skin, breasts and red hair. "yes, sure, you're right," i admit, then reach down and cuddle one of Lady's breasts with my hand...quickly adding: "only if it is a threesome with you!"

Lady just looks up at me with this surprised expression on her face, then lets out a giggle before we kiss.

so as a make-up for getting me to come along on this conference trip to N.C., Steve is letting me have Friday off. i guess i'll just sleep late and then go shopping or something. i have been wanting to see about a new stereo for the house, maybe a HD TV too. i have some extra cash to spend, some that i've saved up since all the way back to June. i decided that i might as well spend some of it, since i already have some of it in savings and a little bit in money markets, so why not spend the remainder of it when i can?

yes Peggy (my therapist), i have been procrastinating on doing those silly essays of yours. so i promise to write them ASAP, okay? but no, i will not do the masturbation one over again, i said what i wanted, so there! my first one will be the essay about my parents and of course about my mother.

Dee will be coming over Saturday night, her daughter is off for the weekend to her grandparents house, so Dee asked if she could come over on Saturday. i asked Lady if she minded, she said it was cool, so the three of us have plans on watching a whole bunch of DVDs, having some Strawberry Margaritas and whatever else...

Monday w/the therapist, Lady & some sad stuff

2005-10-14T22:11:00.000-04:00

on Monday we went to the therapist together, it was pretty good even though all we did was just chat. nothing overly serious or big, it was just pleasant chatting about various things in our past and how we feel that they influence us today. we only edged a tiny bit to the topic of not being able to commit. it'll take a while to get there, but we will.

Lady spent Tuesday through Thursday over at my house, i leave first though since i have further to drive, but she gets up with me anyway. on Tuesday morning, we got up a bit earlier than normal, spent some time "wrestling" in bed, trying to take each other's bra and panties off and once we were able to, we just went right on wrestling for a bit longer. all we needed was some baby oil to make it all erotic!
spent about 35 minutes in the shower, making out. starts off as kissing, then fondling, then Lady slips down and uses her tongue on my clitoris---this is what showers are also meant for, right? we nearly always end up, even after she's given me a wonderful orgasm, if we have enough time, on the bed, where it's my turn. one thing that Lady has taught me is that she also really loves for me to use my tongue on her clitoris (as well as my fingers), so i've devoted a lot of our intimate times together, letting her "teach" me all about it. sometimes we end up in a wonderful 6-9, which is, i will admit, one of the best ways to have a mutual orgasm.

Tuesday we got home about the same time, so we hurried up to freshen up a bit, she keeps some of her stuff here and she has this really nice black nightie that she looks really good in, so she wears it. i told her to pick out a nightie for me, so she goes and finds one of my oldest ones, one that i wore when i was in college! it's just a simple light green one with a "fall" pattern of leaves on it, the material is somewhat like silk, so it really helps to show of my big boobies, which she seems to really enjoy. it's like she can't leave either her hands or her eyes off me when i wear it, or when i'm naked, or half-naked...cute girl even likes it when i'm wearing clothes! i admit it's a bit of a turn-on, knowing that she gets aroused simply by seeing me naked, or half-naked---and that my big boobies are special to her. it's all just so cool to have that feeling. i feel the same way about her, sometimes it's rather hard to keep my hands off her, especially her cute butt, she's simply got one of the cutest butts on a woman that i've ever seen...her body is just so sweat too.
what makes everything even more special though, setting aside the physical attractions we have for each other, it's also what is "inside" that is special too. i've never met a more caring, understanding and loving person in my life. she's always there when i need comfort, she's always there when i need a giggle and she's always there as a friend, as well as a lover. Lady is quite intelligent, though she doesn't admit to it, she's got these very impressive brown eyes, with tiny glints of gold in them: now she says they're "just plain," but she can't see them, as expressive and beautiful as they are, as i can. Lady is certainly my best friend and it just feels right being with her.

so after dinner, we continue to watch TV, then we cuddle up with each other to watch Boston Legal...we just love that show, Spader is excellent and William Shatner is pretty cool in it too. oh, Candice Bergen is in it, talk about an attractive woman, when she was younger, it was like woo woo!...and now that she's in her 50's she's still attractive.
i am missing NYPD Blues though, it was one of my favorite shows, i guess they finally got to a point where they felt it could end, but i sure do miss it.
then there's Law & Order, i've watched it for such a long time, it sure did sadden me to find out that Jerry Orbach had passed away last December though. he had left the show to go to the new spin-off, they said that there were only two, maybe three with him in it, before he passed. so sad, he was so talented. what's interesting is that he started off his career as an actor for musicals on Broadway! wow! that's a surprise. well he did do the part of "Luminaire" on Beauty & The Beast.
oh, and Frank Gorshin, the original Riddler from the 60s Batman TV series, he died too, the last show he did was CSI: Vegas, they say he died a couple of days before the show aired.

such a real shame...

so now that i'm here at a sad note, i guess i'll quit for now, it's getting late and i have to get up early so that i can get to work an hour early, so that i can leave an hour early so that Lady and i can go out of town for the weekend!

Columbus Day?????

2005-10-10T10:20:00.000-04:00

nearly everybody at work forgot today was Columbus Day...isn't that just totally bizarre? yeah, i even showed up for work today, along with a bunch of others. the security guard at the door tells everybody: "hey, like it's Columbus Day..." and we're all "yeah, so?" it's like a non-holiday "holiday," you know? i mean take for instance Labor Day: you're supposed to be off for that day, it's in "celebration" of the worker, or something like that, right? yeah right. another day off for the US Mail, banks and government offices. maybe some people get to celebrate Labor Day by being off of work, but that doesn't mean everybody gets Labor Day off. could you imagine if the whole country was actually off for a full day from work, all at one time?
so a bunch of us are up at the office by 7:50am, and the security guard pokes fun at us for showing up for work on Columbus Day. well there was no warning that today was Columbus Day, there weren't even any ads on TV for the usual "Columbus Day Sale" at stores either. aren't there usually special sales on Columbus Day, like there is on Labor Day?
i head back home and call up Lady to see if she's got the day off, she asks: "what day off?" and i tell her that today is Columbus Day...come to find out she has today off too!
right after i hang up from talking to her and planning on going back upstairs, getting back into some comfy clothes and get some breakfast going before Lady gets over---the phone rings, it turns out to be Peggy's assistant. "can you come in earlier today(?), say around 1pm instead of later?"
i ask her if i could call back in a few minutes, that i have to ask Lady if she can make it earlier too, so after we hang up, i call her, she tells me that "any time today" is okay; so i call back to the assistant and let her know and all is cool with the time change.
finally get into the kitchen and am getting ready to do breakfast, when the doorbell rings: it's Lady...so she comes on in, helps me with breakfast and as we eat, we watch the morning news show on NBC.
we just sit around, cuddled together, watching TV and having coffee for a good hour or so. it's nice to be with her, to have her here and just to be together. i'm half-way tempted to ask if she'd like to move in, however i'm not sure if she (or me) is ready for that yet.

Steve the MILF-freak calls, says that he's going to be going to Houston for a consult job, i act aloof and rather non-caring since he's been such a prick lately, the horny bastard. he's going to be gone for about a week, "maybe a bit longer," then he once more apologizes for being a horny bastard, but he "...couldn't help it, since your mom is so sexy..." yeah, as if i give a rat's ass Steve!
you know, then it was like this light bulb moment again and i realized that it just wasn't his fault, not to be laid all on his feet---mom was the one who initiated the flirtation with Steve and got things rolling by acting the way she did. it was my turn to apologize to Steve for being so hard-headed about the whole thing.

once we hang up, it hits me that i still have those idiot essays for Peggy to write and no, she didn't actually accept the masturbation one, however i don't care, i'm not going to redo it, so she'll have to be satisfied with that short one i wrote when i was pissed off. so there!, i'm taking charge and taking a stand on that issue!

for about 45 minutes Lady and i went over one of the CDs that Steve gave me that had some naughty pictures on it and while going through them, she pointed out one from the '50s that she says reminds her of us. i'm not sure why it reminds her of us, i asked why and all she did was giggle about it...sometimes she can be so cute and puzzling at the same time. so i decided to post the retro-pic here, because she thought it was rather cute and reminded her of us.

am i looking forwards to our meeting with Peggy? don't know what to expect at all, this whole therapist thing, just for myself, has been a daunting task, and now that Lady is coming today, well, that's even more of a frightful thing!

okay, here's the pick that Lady says reminds her of us...

Lady's home...10-7-05 (a)

2005-10-09T14:33:00.000-04:00

had to pick Lady up at the airport on early Friday morning, her car had been sitting in the parking garage for two weeks and it wouldn't start, so i skipped work for the whole day, called Greg, told him i was sick.
it was really great to see Lady, she was dressed all in red: silk blouse, velvet trousers and even red sneekers! really cute! we hadn't seen each other in quite a while, so as we walked down the corridor to the lobby, we held hands and whispered to each other the type of things people do to waste time: the weather, airline food, price of gas...nothing important.
when we got into the elevator, we were the only ones in it, and neither one of us could wait---we just wrapped our arms around each other and did this long kiss. when the elevator opened... ooops! there was this elderly couple standing there, their eyes real wide, mouths open, looking at us. all we did was blush, say "excuse us..." and got out of the elevator. it was really funny.
we had to wait around for about 30 minutes for her luggage, so when we finally got out of the airport is was around 9am. called Triple-A to come and pick up her car and then we headed on out. i asked if she had to go into work or report in, or whatever and she said she didn't have to until Monday---i reminded her that at 6:30pm we have an appointment with Peggy and asked again if she really wanted to go. she gave me this wonderful smile and told me that she was all for going to see Peggy, that "maybe it will do us both some good..."

come to find out Lady was also hungry, when she called, i was just ready to get up and so i was hungry too. we drove down the highway from the airport, searching for somewhere to stop to have breakfast. we found a place, had breakfast and then once back on the road i asked her what she wanted to do..."go home, slip into something soft and cuddle..."

we ended up going to her townhouse, mainly because she wanted to be there when Triple-A got her car there, which they promised to do by at least 3pm. we sat on the couch for a bit, chatting about her trip to Denver and about her new position, it sure sounds as if she's finally made it to where she wanted to be. then we kissed, it kind of went for a few minutes, the kissing that is. Lady suggested that she wanted to freshen up a bit, so upstairs we went, pausing long enough in the bedroom to strip naked before we got into the bathroom. she's got such a big bathroom, the tub itself could hold at least three people and the shower is huge. we got the shower going with just the right heat, and slipped in; her body felt so good to be against, all i could do is press myself against her back, my breasts firmly pressed against her sleek back as i slipped my own arms around, cupping her breasts in my hands. we nuzzled this way for a few minutes, then she slipped around in my arms, facing me, my hands now cupping her butt---and we kissed.
we spent plenty of time in the warm shower just kissing, there were a few moments however when she caressed one or both of my breasts with her hands and i, of course couldn't really keep my hands off her either. the cuddling in the shower, with the occasional breast fondle was truly wonderful, it felt so good to be there with her.
not sure how long we spent cuddling and nuzzling up and caressing each other, must have been for quite a while. i'm always amazed at how good her hot water heater is! while we were kissing, she made her way to my throat, kissing softly until she got to my shoulder, then down, along the curve of my breast...over to the areola, then the erect nipple...then to the other breast, to the areola, erect nipple, then the curve of my breast and back up to my other shoulder. we kissed a moment, then she slipped back down again, cupping one breast in her hand, nuzzling up to the other, flicking her tongue's tip about the areola until my already erect nipple just had to try for a bit more stiffness!
when i felt her fingers between my thighs, her fingertip dancing very lightly about my naked clitoris---i just couldn't help it, just like that, even without her doing anything more than this luscious foreplay: i had an orgasm.

Lady giggled when she realized that she had already brought me to an orgasm and every time she lightly touched my clitoris, my body jolted...slowly though she slipped her finger inside my pussy, playing lightly with my G-spot as she continued to suckle on one of my breasts. with the orgasm still floating about my body, all i could do was just stand there, bracing myself, holding onto the pleasure of her finger within me, playing with my G-spot, hoping that i'd not cum again.
"let's get out of the shower," i whispered to her as she was slowly bringing me up again, the sensations were going all about my pelvis, and the pleasure was outstanding...she could hear it in my voice, she could feel it in the shiver of my body. "i want this to last..." i whispered again, "...let's take our time..." i added.

she looked up at me, smiled, and then kissed my cheek, moving away from me she slipped out of the shower, still with a bit of a shaky body, i turned, turned off the shower and slipped out too.

("betty & her friend") women can love big boobs too!

2005-10-06T21:07:00.000-04:00

betty & her friend 04

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women can love big boobs too!

all i can say about betty (the red head with big boobs!) is----wow!!! her breasts are bigger than mine, though i do have some nice ones too. i wouldn't mind being the blonde, suckling on her breast, might be a lot of fun, two big breasted women, getting off on each other's big boobies!

i will have to admit, since Peggy-the-therapist has been telling me to be honest with mysef---that i do like women with large breasts, about my size or a maybe a bit bigger. but---also to be honest, i don't like fake breasts! i don't know if "Betty" has real or fake breasts, a picture is kind of hard to tell, unless of course it is really obvious: i have seen some pictures of women with huge breasts, or even "large" breasts that are like so fake!

last time i saw Peggy, we spoke about my older sister A and her desire to get breast implants---well i found out that my sister was able to and now she's acting really stupid about it all. i wish that she would have paid attention to me when we were younger, back during my final year in college, when i tried to talk to her about things, when it comes to big breasts. but no, she didn't listen, she hardly ever listened, to me or our mother or just about anybody.

anyway so Peggy asked me what my own preferences are and i had to seriously think about it. it is true that i fall victim to the "big breast mystique"...men always do. even my male friends who certainly know that i prefer women and am a lesbian, even they fall all over themselves when i wear a bikini or something sexy and end up showing off some of my breasts. sometimes i don't mind this sort of thing, when i was younger, i went from one emotion about it to the next, unsure about it all.

one girl that i knew my Jr year in college, she was honest enough to tell me after our fourth "date" that the main reason she wanted to date me (which included being intimate, BTW) was because i had "nice big firm boobies. even though i myself had always liked women with large breasts, it never dawned on me that i too was one who could be thought of in the same way by another woman. it also came to me then, that woman can be attracted to other women because of physical attributes, like breasts...cute butts and all the rest, just like what attracts a man to a woman.

yes, i am attracted to women with large breasts, but i know that it is just a "physical thing" and, well, all the rest of the sensual, erotic stuff that goes with it---however though i like big breasts, i also must admit that breast size isn't as important to me as the "emotional" or spiritual part of a person.

Lady has medium-sized, really cute breasts...firm and, as i once said, i believe, like the warhead of a torpedo! she's a delight to look at naked, she's also a delight to fondle, caress and suckle...and yes, she knows that i also like big breasts, however she also knows that what is more important to me is the "inside."

you can have a "thing of beauty" that attracts the eye, that is lovely to look at and considered to be very beautiful because of what it looks like---but just because it is beautiful on the outside doesn't mean it has a similar beauty inside.

change of templates?

2005-10-06T20:50:00.000-04:00

one of my friends who reads my Blog has sent me a couple of templates to see if i want to change the one i am using right now. i've been considering changing it for quite a while. i kind of liked the Blogger pink Barbi one that i used a while back, i also like some of the black ones that i've seen too...i'm not sure what these ones are yet since i haven't had a chance to play around with them.
anyway, yes, i'm thinking about changing the template, it has to be compatable with my gifs though, like the ones at the top and the others. i don't know much about HTML, however i guess i could get Steve to help, however i'm still pissed off at that MILF-freak for doing what he did. however i'm also still pissed off at the MILF herself...dear old mom, for doing the party hearty thing while she was here.
so i guess i'll play around with the new templates to see what i can do with them and maybe this one will be changed soon.

and yes Peggy-the-therapist, i know that i have been procrastinating about those essays to write too!

South Carolina bound on Wednesday---thoughts about committed relationships

2005-10-03T23:56:00.000-04:00

bad start of a week: Steve tells me we go to South Carolina on Wednesday and "don't expect to come back until early Friday...", which is okay with me: the bad news is that Twiddle Dum is coming with us. oh it's not that i don't like T-Dum, he's okay enough, its just that he always has to talk about silly things that nobody is really interested in. so on Wednesday morning, 4am, we're to be up at work, where Greg will pick us up, then we drive to the city, to the airport and sit and wait for upwards of two hours before the flight. reason T-Dum is coming is because most of his work is on this client's projects, so he has to come along to explain what's been going on with it.

Lady arrives soon too, i'm nervous about having our talk about where we go from here with our relationship. i think that we both have this damnable "commitment" problem, i sometimes laugh at that phrase and think about those idiot comedies that came out over the past few years about guys who couldn't commit, or an infrequent woman who was unable to commit. why is it that hollywood and our society view the inability to commit a man's problem? it can be a problem for anybody, don't you think? we're all human, we can therefor have some kind of emotional problem, maybe built around a previous experience or whatever else, and unable to have a relationship where people are committed to each other.
now i ask, is there a difference between a "comitted relationship" and a "monogamous relationship?" i've known some people who had a committed relationship, some were married some weren't---and yet they weren't always as devout to their spouses (loved ones), when it came to being monogamous.
is it possible to be in a monogamous relationship without it being a committed relationship? one would think they go hand-in-hand, right? i mean if you're in a committed relationship, that means you're either married or living with somebody else or at least if you're living in different places, you're...well, committed to the relationship, right? so naturally doesn't that imply that the couple is sexually active and thus committed to each other and in turn going to be monogamous?
makes sense, right? yet i've known couples that were in a committed relationship with each other, yet weren't monogamous. is that called an "open relationship?" how can you have an "open relationship" by being non-monogamous and still call it a committed relationship?

so hopefully on Saturday things can be talked out between Lady and i, it is my hope that we can figure things out on what we want out of this relationship and what we want to do from here.

no title (10-01-2005)

2005-10-01T12:56:00.000-04:00

what a crappy week it's been: both at work and at home.

it was decided by our clients in South Carolina that the conference Greg and i were supposed to go to last week wasn't necessary, so we didn't go. then yesterday they called and said that "...maybe it we need to...", so we're going next week.
Lady has been in Denver for almost two weeks, she calls every-other night and we talk for about an hour, there's been so many problems with the training that the new crews have been undergoing that the whole system has to be re-vamped and since Lady is "an official," she has to stay in Denver for another week (maybe two), to help come up with a new training system. the company assured her that once the new training system was up and running that she was going to be permanently ensconced as both their representative in our area, but also the "chief designer" of new systems and also in charge of having new computer systems installed in businesses. they told her that unless it was a "dire emergency" she wouldn't have to make any more trips to their head office in Denver and that she will be one of the "head officers" of the field office, here in town. when she get's done with Denver, they will let her have a week off, this comes as a bonus to her raise in pay.

i told her that once she gets back that we need to talk about things---whereupon she asked: "is anything wrong? are we okay?" i could tell by the way she asked that she wants us to be an "us"...just like i do, we've both talked about certain emotional-commitment problems that we both seem to have, so i told her that what we need to talk about is connected to that.

well i also did something else that i felt i had to do, it has been in the coming for quite a while, even somewhat before Hawaii. i felt it before then and i'm sure that Olivia did too. i called her on Wednesday, she claimed she "couldn't talk right now..." which i knew was a lie, she just didn't want to talk to me, i asked when would be a good time and all i got from her was: "never..."
now what is that supposed to mean? "never" is a good time to talk about our relationship? so i just blurted it out, i knew it was the only way to do it, and she knew it was coming too: "Olivia, i think it best if we...don't see each other anymore. you have your life there, with Lilly, i have my life here...it's just too difficult for us to live like this. i feel that we should just leave it at this..."

all i got in return was: "yes, you're right, i wanted to do this a couple of weeks ago when i was supposed to come for a visit, that's when i was going to let you know that i believe that we should go our separate ways...then my trip got canceled..."

the rest of the "quick" 20 minute talk was a bit stressful and sad, so i'll not repeat it here. suffice it to say, i ---we--- have decided that the best thing to do is just to go our separate ways, she's happy with Lilly and they have a life together...once she met her, i was just an outside fling i guess...neither one of us wanted to say goodbye two years ago and besides, i think we still believed that we had a special kind of relationship, even with Olivia being with Lilly. sometimes when it slows down and comes to a finish, the slow down period of time can't really be seen, like it was with Olivia and i.

when the call was over, i rang-up Dee, cried for a bit and we talked about Olivia, my life with her, our relationship and about as much over that topic as i could stand.

after talking with Dee for about an hour, it was kind of late, so i went on upstairs, had a cold shower, then a hot bath...just laid there in the tub with all that nice hot water, my mind going over as much as what has gone on between Olivia and i as would come to me. it's rather sad, when you come to the conclusion that a relationship just isn't working right and it's time to end it. in two weeks i will be 29 years old, nearly all of my friends are married and have kids, or are in a committed relationship ---and here i am, with my "commitment problems" still intact, a rather bizarre long-distance relationship for two years with Olivia...even there, neither one of us could commit to each other and it makes me wonder, could i have, if she had lived here in town. i'd like to hope that i could have, maybe i could have. a part of me tells me that Olivia simply wasn't the one...even bisexual or lesbian women have that in their hearts and souls, this need to find and be with the one...we all do, all humans do.

is Lady the one? to be truthful, it sure does feel like it, i hope so...i know now that i feel sure that if she want's to have a committed relationship, that i'm willing too...but you know, the problem is this: each one of us, Lady and I...for our own psychological reasons, seem to have a "problem with commitment"...and when you have two people who are obviously in love with each other (like we are), that one sour apple just sits there and both of us are afraid, in our own ways, to take a bite.

i called Lady this morning and asked her a simple question: "would you agree to come with me to see Peggy, my therapist? i think maybe it might help us both..."

Lady replied with: "yes, i'll go, i think you're right..."

a first step, right?

Saturday night at THE nightclub, w/the clique #001

2005-09-29T18:30:00.000-04:00

note (as of 09-29-05): i have finished this long entry about Saturday night (09-24-05) and for the sake of continuity,and since this will be in sections, i am going to put the first entry, always at the top, the following entries (which are always out of sequence, if you follow along with how Blogger does the entries), will come after it. If you have read the earlier entries, prior to 09-29-05, then just go ahead and skip to the entry (or entries) you haven't read---or, if you want to, read the whole thing from start to finish.

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oh man, too much to drink, Saturday night!

what a Saturday, i must admit that i had a bit too much to drink. mom had way too much to drink and M, my younger sister, i think she did too. yep, it was full-tilt party night on Saturday, that's for sure. and yes, mom did end up being embarrassing, just like i figured she would.
what i chose to wear was this tight brown leather vest-like thing, which ties up-front and i admit, doesn't fully conceal my cleavage. actually it shows a whole lot of my cleavage...the inner-edges of the material (where it ties up at) going almost over to my areola and since i have large areola, half the time at least those are showing. oh, of course my nipples were erect most of the time too, so there was "erect nipple sign" as my mom calls it. along with the leather tie-up vest, i wore a short leather mini-skirt, under it a black silk thong, all topped off with black knee-high leather boots. M said i looked like some kind of "leather warrioress" from a sword-n-sorcery movie.
my mother, she decided, as i said, to wear some of my clothes and opted for the opposite look than mine. she found one of my old pink lace tops, which also has a separate silk undershirt sort of thing, now if you don't wear the go-along undershirt, well there is just the lace top and it simply doesn't hide anything! so here she is basically topless, all that is covering her is the lace blouse, period. you can see her breasts, completely! no, she isn't shy sometimes, that's for sure and that's a bit embarrassing. mom went and dug through one of my foot lockers that i keep my old clothes in, the type that i really don't want to get rid of, but i never wear anymore: that's where she got the blouse from, she also got a pair of my pink velvet hot-pants to wear along with the see-through pink lace blouse. now both of these are very retro, very 1960's, she says that back then she wore this kind of stuff, though she "wouldn't have dared" to wear the lace blouse without the silk undershirt---okay mom, why did you decide not to wear it this time?
so there we were: leather and lace. sheesh!

my sister wore this really cool velvet halter, which made her look really cute and a pair of "retro '60s" velvet hip-hugger bell-bottoms and over it was the '40s style smoking jacket of mine that she wore.

we were quite the trio, that's for sure. caught the eyes of plenty of people, that's for sure.

so we get to the club at around 9pm, of course as usual at these "girl's parties" the front door was closed to the public and we had to gain access with our invitation, which we had to show to this big burly, muscled bouncer. he just couldn't take his eyes off both mom and me, though he was more interested in her, than me. i mean, come'on, her breasts were certainly more out in the open than mine under that lace top. i showed off enough of mine, yet it seems that guys (and some women) would prefer to see what was more out there, out in the open, even covered in lace, like what mom was wearing, than me, in what i was wearing.
some of the girls were already there and were sitting at a big round table. i introduced them to my mom and to M, there were these two whom, within the past month, joined our group and they were both going gaga over mom. no sooner did we join the ladies at the table, that these two women were buying drinks for mom. she was eating it all up, that's for sure.
we started off with a round of Tom Collins drinks, while we sat there listening to the canned music over the speaker system and chatted about all sorts of things. it was funny, covertly watching these two women...guess i can call one Jill and the other Jane: they were doing their best in flirting with mom and she was flirting right back.
sometime before 10:30 or so, most of the clique was there and up near the stage where one of the female erotic dancers was doing a show to some horrible imitation of a Areosmith song, but she was pretty good and had the place going after a while. we also ordered a second round of Collins, this time with Vodka instead of gin. of course Jill and Jane had to each order mom a drink, so she was basically playing catch-up with the rest of us, drinking a "Sex on the beach" or something like that.
M got interested in watching the erotic dancer, so she excused herself to go closer to the stage. no my sister isn't bisexual or bi-curious or a lesbian, she's straight, but that doesn't mean she can't enjoy watching a female erotic dancer, right?
Dee showed up, without her expected date and right off noticed that my mother was being flirted with by Jill and Jane, she mentioned that mom looked "pretty hot..." and all i could do is roll my eyes at that remark.
round three were something made with Tequila, everything else that we drank Saturday night was made with Tequila. a bit after 11pm the whole clique was there, some of them were up by the stage watching a different dancer, some were at our table or nearby, drinking, smoking and chatting...mom was off with Jill and Jane, flirting.
Dee and i eventually went off to the "private lobby," where there are separate small rooms where guys would normally go for a private lap dance. of course the clique used it for the same reason and Dee suggested that she give me a dance. hell, why not? so we found a room off at the back and i sat in the chair and watched Dee do her dance. Dee is a really good dancer, one of her major areas of study in college was dance, she could have easily gotten either into the ballet or even erotic dancing, if she'd have had a mind for it, but her Sr year she got pregnant by her boyfriend.
Dee was wearing this slinky little shiny silver number, up top. all it was, it seemed was a piece of triangular material that covered the breasts, but was quite lose fitting and since she was going without a bra (which is, i guess intended with this type of garb), when she danced, it moved in such a way that her breasts could easily be seen. she's got delightfully perky, firm medium-sized breasts and her curse, as she calls it, are perpetually stiff nipples. she was also wearing a mini-skirt, which helped to show off her equally great ass. she'd move close to me, lean over a bit, jiggling her perky breasts in my face, waggling her nice ass to the music---it was pretty damn erotic.
once, when she was close enough to me, i moved my hands up under the material of her blouse, scooped up her breasts in my hands and caressed them as she danced. with moving a bit closer, i was able to actually get a quick tongue-lick to both breasts before she dashed backwards a bit.
she turned her ass towards me, waggling it suggestively and all i could do was lean forwards just a bit and caress it, slipping my fingers up under the edge of the material of her skirt---almost making it to her thong-covered clitoris before she once more gave me a giggle and moved off!
after the dance, i thought about giving her one too, she got me aroused with her dance; teasing me with her perky breasts and delectable ass like that, and always moving off abruptly so that i couldn't enjoy anything! hmpth!
however just as we were about to change places, with me giving her a dance, we heard the clique out in the main room giving up a loud yammer of delight, so we headed on out to the main room. besides, we were out of drinks and were interested in something else with Tequila in it.

oh hot damn! up there on the stage, like what happens sometimes at our girl's night, there was a male erotic dancer, doing his thing up there on stage. he was one of the muscle-boys who often did his shtick at the actual "girl's clubs" in town, sometimes he is hired by the clique to come to our nightclub to entertain us. he was all oiled up, masculine and wearing only a loin cloth. it was pretty damn easy to see that his cock was hard, though it was still concealed by the loin cloth. there was this atypical drone from the members of the clique who had gone up to the stage side, where i also happened to see M, eyes wide, looking up at the guy: anyway, the drone was like "take it off, take it off.."
Dee and i noticed that mom, Jill and Jane were just leaving the bar, each one with a drink, Tequila, of course. no, don't ask me why Tequila on Saturday night, i guess we were going through a phase. they were heading towards the stage, and though mom was all-eyes for the hunk on the stage, Jill and Jane were admiring mom's lace-covered breasts.
we ordered our Tequila-something drinks and then returned to our table, where four other clique members were sitting, watching the festivities on the stage.
within just a few minutes, as the "take it off, take it off" continued to drone---oooops! he took off his loin cloth and there he stood in all of his masculine nudity, his hard cock pretty much the center of attention, well amongst the bisexual and bi-curious members and certainly by my sister M...and, well, by my mom, bless her oddball bisexual-lesbian-whatever lifestyle.

he continued to dance around, now naked, hard cock bouncing around to the delight of the bisexuals and bi curious women, he'd get close to one of them (yes, the guys know which ones are bi and which ones aren't) and basically dare them to reach up and grab his hard cock. funny though---one of the lesbians, she's always having so much fun at these things, especially when we have a male erotic dancer, she's muscular, not quite a female weight lifter or body builder, but close enough...fairly attractive, if you like the muscular lesbian type and with one of the cutest lesbian partners in the whole group. we call her partner "Gidget" or sometimes "Sandra Dee" because she's got that wholesome, yet sensual look to herself. she's the type of lesbian that nearly every hot-blooded, hard-cock'd man would look at and swear: "holy shit! i can't believe that she is a lesbian!"
so anyway, the guy moves over closer to where Gidget is at, he's eyeing her intently, on his way to waver his cock in front of her and then, right out of the blue, Ms-Mister (as we call Gidget's partner) reaches up, grabs his cock, gives it a really good squeeze and laughs up at him, telling him to "aim that damn thing" in another direction.

well wouldn't you know it, damnit...the direction he aims it in is...my mothers!

Saturday night at THE nightclub, w/the clique #002

2005-09-29T18:20:00.001-04:00

#002

well i knew as soon as naked erotic-dancer muscle boy pointed that thing at my mother, that the shit was going to hit the fan. right up she went onto the stage, started to do a dance with the guy, then was joined by jill, who danced with her. at first it was pretty funny, mom dancing with a naked muscle boy, whose cock was just vibrating all over the place---what with the room full of mostly lesbians and their partners and just a few bisexual or bi-curious women...oh, then there was the wide-eyed straight girl, my sister M who stood there by the stage in a state of shock.
then mom moved on over, closer to muscle boy and this vibrating dick; he basically cuddled up behind her, his cock slipping between her thighs from behind. this got her attention, that's for sure, however all she did was a cheap imitation of him fucking her from behind (which he could have done, if her panties weren't in the way!). then...then there was jill, dancing in front of mom, moving towards her, soon cupping mom's breasts in her hands: OMG...mom lifted up her see-through lace blouse and jill zero'd in on one of her breasts and started sucking! this got the small crowd of ladies all crazy, they started to cheer at jill and mom...and i guess the muscle boy who was still imitating a from-behind fuck. mom certainly was getting herself off, i'd imagine that the guy's cock was rubbing up against her panty covered clitoris, the way she was leaned over towards jill, who was fondling one breast and sucking on the other.
if that wasn't enough to get the ladies howling for all it was worth, jane dashed up on the stage, slamming her body against muscle boy, pressing herself tightly against his back. he didn't know which one he wanted to go for; mom or jane, who was rubbing herself all over him.
in a very quick spin, mom was facing the muscle boy, her pelvis pressed against his, leaning back, being held by muscle boy who did his best to, seemingly, slip his cock into her pussy---panties in the way---so he just went about rubbing his cock against her. jill was now behind mom, helping to brace her from behind by looping her arms under mom's arms, hands on mom's breasts. jane came around to where mom was at, leaned over and suckled on one of her breasts and this got the ladies all riled up again!
it seemed that everybody, lesbian and bisexual, bi-curious, was having an erotic fit, watching the three of them up on the stage as they did whatever it was...some fantasy fuck dance, or something like that. mom was really getting off to the whole thing, having a wonderful time.
by just looking at the muscle boy, one could easily tell he was enjoying it, and if he enjoyed it much longer, he would have had an orgasm and cum all over her panties.
i guess mom could read what was going on with him, she backed away from him...forcing jill and janet to move off...and then, all she did was give the muscle boy a kiss on the chest...her fingers wrapped around his cock, feeling him up real well, as she kissed him. i half way expected this super-uninhibited mom of mine to knell down and give the guy head! but she didn't, she just slung him around, felt up his tight muscled ass, then gave him one solid whack on the ass and then quickly got off stage.
once alone, the muscle boy finished off his dance, cock still hard, then spun around and ran off stage---to the cheers of the ladies in the crowd.
in the meantime, mom headed to the private rooms, followed by jill...jane stayed behind, coming over to our table, she tried to talk, but she was rather breathless from doing what she did on the stage. when our eyes met, she turned a crimson hue, embarrassed somewhat for what she had done.

a dancer who was really good at doing a modern day "veil dance" was now on stage, she was incredible and very sensual. we watched her as she did her dance, now with a veil dance, as they dance, they slowly remove these scarfs, until the very last they are naked. she was good at what she did, very sensual in her dance, as she whirled around with her scarfs, it was glorious. realizing that we had finished off our Tequila drinks, which we couldn't remember how many by this time, jane went up and simply bought a bottle of imported Tequila and a bowl of lemon wedges. while we watched the veil dancer, we exchanged shots. oh man, after a few of those shots, things simply got really interesting!

once the veil dancer was down to one scarf, a rather large one that easily covered her from neck to ankle, but was completely see through, her body bathed in a soft blue, she danced. to be honest, her dance was making me horny, i guess it was making Dee horny too, i'd go a bit further, i bet it made a whole lot of the girls horny.
as she danced and we watched, i felt Dee's hand on my thigh, i easily adjusted myself and soon her finger tip was negotiating quite well above my clitoris, playing her fingertip against it and it'll admit, she had my silk thong wet in no time! the more she played, the hornier i got and the hornier i got, she did too. i tried to reach over and caress her between the thighs, but it just couldn't be done, because of where we were sitting and how. we both had this desire, we just weren't sure how to go about it...finally i leaned over: "i'd like to dance for you, let's go..." and nodded towards the private area.

we took one more shot of Tequila before we got up and headed for the private area...

Saturday night at THE nightclub, w/the clique #003

2005-09-29T18:20:00.000-04:00

Dee and i, as i said, head off to the private lap dance rooms---we find one at the back and Dee sits down and i begin to do this dance for her, i move towards her, dancing slowly and she reaches towards me, feels my thigh as i dance and slips her hand further upwards: fingertip grazing my thong-covered clitoris. i'm not sure if it was all this pent-up stress, combined with being horny and the Tequila, but we were both feeling pretty cool---as i danced, she used her fingertip to pleasure my clitoris, it felt so erotic, so hot. i backed away from her and as i danced, i slipped out of my thong, then moved back towards her until i was right up against her face with my pelvis. when the tip of her tongue met my clitoris, i almost had an orgasm. it's been a long time since i've had any kind of pleasure like this, if it wasn't Dee who was with me, then i'd be out there at the table, masturbating myself in the dim light as i watched the erotic dancer. personally and this is not meant as being cruel, but i'd rather it had been Lady instead of Dee.
she buried her face into my pelvis, using the tip of her tongue to give me pleasure, as i danced in front of her. it's a rare thing, when Dee and i do anything intimate, sometimes i believe that we have intimate moments simply because we're both lonely, horny and don't want to resort to masturbation. when we were younger, it was different, we were girlfriends, we lived together and it was so much more than just an intimate relationship. however after we went our different ways, after she married and i met Olivia; our relationship went to just being really good friends. i can recall when it then went back to a "causal intimate relationship" too, when she was devastated by her divorce, when she was so alone, so frightened and in need of somebody close for both reassurance and love---and i...also alone, in my own way, since Olivia was so far off and we hardly saw each other...it just felt so peaceful, so "at home" for us to make love again.
in a silent sort of way, we both agreed that we could never go back to the way it had been, to when we were in love and living together, it is hard to return to the past and live in the present at the same time. though we have been with each other over the past couple of years in an intimate way, it's been that way more out of a desire for companionship and for pleasure. it's rather hard to explain i suppose those who have had a relationship, which included intimacy, that they can understand that sometimes it is easy to return to an intimate relationship when the heart needs somebody who is a friend.
so there we were, in that little cubical, i'm doing this slow dance and Dee is using her tongue on my clitoris...and we're both lost in the utter pleasure of the moment. i begin to ride the wave of orgasmic pleasure, it has been so long since i last felt such wonderful pleasure that it didn't take long at all, sadly to say, for me to reach an orgasm.
moments after i have one, i back away, my body all jittery, shivering...i giggle from the sublime pleasure and Dee looks at me: "already? you had one already?"
all i can do is smile at her, wishing that it had been Lady instead. oh then... the slash of guilt! i wished that Dee had been Lady and then i begin to have the guilt of one who is cheating on their loved one. all i can do is just stand there shivering, feeling guilt while at the same time wanting more. i wanted Lady, i wanted to feel her mouth on my nipples, i wanted to feel her tongue licking them, i wanted Lady to use her fingers on my clitoris, to slip them up my pussy, to satisfy my G-spot and bring me to an incredible orgasm---i wanted to use my tongue on Lady's clitoris, to lavish her clitoris and pussy with my tongue, with my fingers, to suckle her petite yet magnificent breasts. guilt was overpowering, i felt like i was cheating on Lady, yet a part of me told me: "neither one of you have ever said the word commitment..."

yet why did i feel like i was cheating?

Saturday night at THE nightclub, w/the clique #004

2005-09-29T18:11:00.000-04:00

i set aside my feelings of guilt, i was having too much fun, that's for sure. i was "free" to be with Dee, or Olivia or Lady, yet as if in an atomic stream of consciousness, as the orgasm waved through my body, it was as if i were hit with this epiphany. i wanted to be with Lady and nobody else, it was perhaps the most freeing sensation that i've ever had. Olivia had Lilly, they were pretty much a solid relationship, over the past few months, all it felt like between us was just some kind of waning relationship which used to be built upon some kind of love between her and i. yet, there she was, with Lilly. for at least two years, there she was with Lilly and i had nobody to be with, except with Olivia when she decided to visit. is it fair for me to be on the outside, when it was "us" to begin with, well it was us when we first started off, it might have been us if she had moved to this town and not one two hours away---where she met Lilly 3 months after she moved.
no, it isn't fair for me, why should i be here for Olivia, on her timetable and for her pleasure? early on we had a commitment to just us, a monogamous us, regardless of the distance and the time we were able to spend together. then she met Lilly and things changed for her as well as eventually for us. the commitment to a monogamous relationship fled, leaving her with Lilly and me with nobody. no, it isn't fair. why should Olivia have somebody to be with, to share her life with and leave me on the outside?
just like a madding rush, the whole scenario played out in my head. when i met Lady, i was "free" in my own way, though i still felt this odd kind of commitment to Olivia. but right off the bat when i told Olivia about Lady, it was like: "oh, that's good...hope you two are happy together..." as if she was truly happy that i found somebody, as she had with Lilly. it made me feel as if i was indeed on the outside, just there for her when she wanted me, a forgotten kitten, staying outside the house, just waiting for the door to be opened to let me in.

no more Olivia, that ends now. "we" end now.

i never felt the same kind of guilt that i did when Dee and i, that Saturday night, shared pleasure with each other, as i ever did when Lady and i were together---i didn't feel guilty when it came to our relationship, as if i were cheating on Olivia, when i was with Lady. it just didn't feel like cheating, even from the start of our relationship.
Saturday night, sharing sensual pleasure with Dee, that felt like cheating, when it came to my relationship with Lady. in our own way we had been a monogamous couple, but living in two separate places, except for a night here or there...or a weekend here or there. i just have a difficult moment with the idea that even though Lady knows that i spent some time with Dee, when we were together and sharing sensual pleasures...i told Lady all about it...that she just excused it, let it go, leaving me to feel guilty.
i know how Lady feels about me, it is a mutual love, a mutual desire to be together, it's just that neither one of us has actually admitted to it, not to ourselves and not to each other. i wonder why?
would it make me feel jealous if Lady were sharing moments of sensual pleasure with another woman? yes it would! it would most certainly make me jealous, yet here i am, feeling guilty at what Dee and i has done this summer and last Saturday, feeling guilty because i am in love with Lady, she knows it, she can feel it---and i know she loves me, because i can feel it from her too. yet we're both cowards and can't admit it, we can't admit we love each other...to make a commitment to each other. why? well, because we're cowards, maybe we also don't want to get hurt, or hurt each other, i don't know.

when Lady gets back, we will talk about it. i made a resolution on Sunday, after talking to Lady on the phone for about 35 minutes, that we must talk to each other and admit to our feelings for each other and figure out what we want to do about it.

all these strange thoughts about Olivia, our relationship and the fact that it is, well, dead...my guilty feelings about sharing pleasure with Dee, when it comes to Lady...and our need to discuss our relationship: it all just did this incredible flash through my brain.

and yet, even after this eiphany: i wanted to continue the pleasure with Dee...i'm simply wicked sometimes when i am horny, yet, if you look at it logically, even though i feel guilty about it all---i am free to choose to have fun with Dee or to not have fun with Dee: for Lady and i have never made a commitment to each other.

then---there we were, Dee having given me a grand orgasm with her tongue, we switched places and she danced for me, slipping out of her top, revealing her medium-sized breasts...then me suckling upon her breasts as i fingered her clitoris...then...my face pressed against her, my tongue at her clitoris, tasting her...playing with her, teasing her until she too had an orgasm.

we rested up a bit after that, then cleaned up a little bit, then headed back into the main room of the nightclub. the party was winding down, by 1:15am some of the girls had already gone. M was talking to a couple, they were intently sharing quite a bit, what they were talking about i had no idea, but they were enjoying the conversation. i was toasted---my brain was all fuzzy and a-flutter with the recent pleasure of having and giving an orgasm...the impact of the eiphany was still within my brain, strong enough to continue to make me feel guilty about it all and confused as to what was going to come next between Lady and i.

then...then came mother and jill, who came quite docile, smiling and beaming with a fresh orgasm all their own. yeah, mom had been busy having some pleasures too. even though i knew about mom and her past "experiments" with being bisexual, and especially since she had lived with her girlfriend in a basic lesbian relationship for that time---i knew that mom enjoyed her "woman to woman pleasure" as she described it: it's one thing to know about her like that, it is something else all together different, to be around when she has had that kind of pleasure!

M wasn't as toasted as i was...but mom was the worse of the both of us, she was, well wasted...i knew that i couldn't...i shouldn't drive. there was no way i was going to drive my sweet Mustang when i was this intoxicated. i handed the car keys to M the keys and then we all headed for the car. Dee had been smart, when she wants to party hearty, she always has an alternative ride home: she used her cell phone to call a taxi and we waited around until it came to pick her up. we kissed good night before she left...mom got jill's phone and address before she left.

once home, completely toasted, for me and utterly wasted for mom: mom headed off for the couch and crashed...i told M if she wanted to stay she could, which she did...and i headed off to my own bedroom, stumbling all the way up the stairs.

an ice cold shower helped, it made my nipples all stiff and i had to massage them, just for the sheer pleasure it gave...the ice cold water made my naked clitoris tingle a lot, so i had to massage it to warm it up...oh shit, am i wicked or what?

BTW: i then slept until 3pm on Sunday...

Saturday morning---blessed relief, at least for a couple of hours

2005-09-24T13:08:00.000-04:00

blessed relief; at least for a couple of hours today.

M and mom took off this morning at around 9:30pm to go to the malls, maybe a movie and then will meet back here at around 7pm to "get ready" for the clique's "girl's party" at the nightclub. yeah, mom and M are both going, i don't mind my sister going as much as i do mom. i've been around with her when she "cuts loose" and it's always a bit on the embarrassing side. see, when she was 17, her boyfriend (not dad, they didn't meet till she was 19) knocked her up---thus my older brother, then when she was 19, she met dad, got knocked up by him, thus my older sister by the time she was 21. i came around by the time she was 23---so mom is "still young" as she puts it and still filled with "piss-n-vinegar" when she wants to be.

i already picked out my outfit, i'll tell about it later, after the evening has gone and finished. mom went through my stuff and found something of mine to wear. as i said, we both have large breasts (mine are more firmer than hers! lol), and we're about the same size everywhere else, so she can get into my clothes. so she's picked out something of mine to wear, something "opposite" of my choice. no, i'll tell about it later. then as if it weren't bad enough with mom going and choosing some of my clothes, M "just had to borrow" one of my antique jackets...it's a 1940's smoking jacket, like the kind you'd see Cary Grant wearing in one of his smoozy romance movies. she told me what she planned on wearing and, well yeah, i guess the jacket will go really cool with it.

in a way i am looking forwards to tonight, at least i'll be able to cut loose and have some fun, regardless of the fact that mom is here and "threatening" to also cut loose...i've seen her do that, and did i say she embarrasses me when she does it?

oh, did i mention also that i am pissed off at her? here she was only supposed to stay until Wednesday, then things changed suddenly (yeah right mom) and i had to email Olivia that she had to put off her weekend visit (she was bringing Lilly, BTW). they were coming down specifically for the clique's girl's night at the nightclub. we haven't been in ages, not that i was thrilled or even happy that Lilly was coming along, since the last time, i've always felt a bit squeamish, if not attempting to grab hold of some kind of conspiracy between them (i still don't buy into the idea that the weekend they visited, that the little threesome we hd was spontaneous as both Olivia and Lilly claim!).
well the email wasn't enough, i got this horrid reply, filled with those ugly mean and angry "smiley emoticons" and no words at all, from Olivia. so this morning i had to call her, we spoke for about 45 minutes, i had to go and apologize all over again for not inviting her to my brother's retirement party, for having to cancel a weekend visit when i had to go out of town with Greg, on business, i had to apologize for this weekend. fuck it. i am tired of taking the brunt of this shit and being made to feel that it is all my fault.

so this morning, i got up early, made sure mom was up, fixed a bit pot of coffee, made sure mom was up (again), and then went back to bed. i closed the bedroom door, slipped under the covers, then slipped out of my clothes and laid there naked. okay Peggy, i realized something this week---i like to masturbate when i'm under a lot of pressure and stress. i think i do this because it makes me feel good.
while laying there in bed this morning, i let my hand wander downwards and i simply went and pleasured myself. it felt really nice playing with my clitoris. i could have had an orgasm within a few minutes, i was all that tensed up and the pleasure was making me all relaxed, while at the same time tingly. i backed off, just laid there for a bit, then bypassed my clitoris and began to finger my pussy. i was really tempted to bring our Mr Wabbit, but i didn't. oh yeah, i could have used some most excellent clitoris and G-spot pleasure this morning!
i played lazily with my pussy and clitoris for a long few moments, bringing myself within orgasm after about twenty minutes. i really feel sad about guys sometimes, i mean, nature made woman the way we are, allowing us to divert our energies to the degree that we can slow down the work of an orgasm, until it simply overpowers us...oh, then, yeah we are so much more luckier than men, we can not only have multiple orgasms (i know, i sometimes do!), we can get back into the grove a lot sooner than a guy can.

right as i was about to actually orgasm, there's this knock on the door: "i'm leaving with your sister, see you around 7pm!"

okay, so the orgasm was shut down quite short of having one and, well, my attention to myself was broken, so all i did was roll back over onto my stomach and go to sleep.

10am i wake up, take a shower, think about inviting Mr Wabbit for a visit...yeah still wanting some self-fun, i am almost tempted to go ahead, but, well, i don't. i am trying not to self-pleasure myself when i feel the urges, it seems that Peggy is right about that. if i am able to, depending on where i am when the urge slashes through my libido, i go ahead and have my self-pleasure. why not? it's enjoyable and there's nothing wrong with it!
so what i am trying to do is "fight the feeling," oh shit, now every time i have these urges, i hear that REO Speedwagon song, Can't Fight This Feeling...

well i've got a few things i have to do, one is to go over, with myself filled with piss-n-vinegar and bitch out that twerp Steve---that damn dirty dinkus! have sex with my mother, will he? thinks he can get away with it, does he? give him a piece of my anger, will i...yeah, that damn dirty dinkus!

just a sexy pic that i kind of like! & a short "mother" rant

2005-09-23T23:25:00.000-04:00

001_lynn1061

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

okay, so i will be back on here tomorrow (saturday 24th) and will write a bit. i have been meaning to, however when you've got your mother visiting, it puts a crimp on just about everything. :p

i was going to go to the "Our Clique" girl's night at the nighclub on Saturday, thought about taking Dee, since Lady got held over in Denver. told mom that i was thinking about going out, so she wanted to know all about it and all about "the clique."

mothers...right?

so i tell her about my friends who are members of "the clique" and tell her about the nightclub and what we usually do there and now she wants to go, she said she'd never been to a club like that (which i kind of doubt her honesty about that). hmpth.

okay, so if i want to go, which i do, because i haven't gone since a couple of months ago, i think the last trip was with Olivia and Lilly (but i'm not sure...see, it's been that long!).

well if i want to go, then i have to take her with me, so i guess i am stuck...oh, then she tells M, my younger sister that we're going to this nightclub Saturday night. see, M knows about "the clique" and the girl's night party that we have there, i told her a long time ago about that. her boyfriend is out of town too, went back to do a quick visit back at their previous college to retrieve some important papers he needs for his studies.

well guess what now my sister wants to go too! oh well, she's pretty cool and we've gone partying together before, it's just that, well, doesn't having a mother along put a big kybosh on having some fun?

i'm just not sure if i want her to come along, i mean, she's already been naughty with Steve (twice!!!) and doesn't seem perturbed one bit about it. oh, she's all wavey-headed about it, that some 30-something horny MILF-lover "brought her to a new level" of pleasure! shit, that damn twerp. i bet he's all hyped up and is floatin' on air, knowing that he actually did it with my mother...now he's been avoiding me like crazy, and he should, especially since he and i have had this, uhm, "arrangement." well guess what buster, we ain't gonna have that "arrangement" anymore!

well, tomorrow then---

i'm about to go freakin' insane here!

2005-09-23T14:40:00.000-04:00

they showed up within 1 hour of mom calling, telling me that they were heading from Buffalo New York, to come for a visit. just like i thought, she's always waiting to let me know. at least she was that far away at the time, other times have been worse.
her boyfriend stayed for two days, he has some consulting business to take care of somewhere else for about three days, then he has to go back up to New York City. mom didn't want to go, she figured that he can "swing back through" on his way up, to pick her up. okay i don't get to see mom all that much during the year, there is of course Thanksgiving and Christmas, sometimes other times when i get enough time off. but this is driving me insane!
i love my mom, she's pretty cool, we talk about things, we've even discussed her past (from college up through being married to dad and beyond), how she feels about life and...well, even her sexual lifestyle choices. she has never, even when she lived the lifestyle for 8 years, called herself a lesbian, even when she was "devoted" to a monogomous relationship with her one girlfriend for those 8 years (they lived together at mom's house). she was like me, or maybe i was like her: she was bi-curious, though for those 8 years she was monogomous and living with another woman.
she insists that she's bisexual, or bi-curious: afterall, she's been married, has had at least 3 boyfriends (this one makes the 3rd)...and yet she can't seem to explain, just like i can't seem to explain, her attraction to women and what "she was" for those 8 years that she was strictly attached to one woman. she certainly wasn't a lesbian, or so she says...being married, having 3 boyfriends proves that, right?

i dunno.

i think that some of my issues are similar to her issues and neither one of us seems ready to examine our own brains and live.

Steve is in town, so naturally he came over, all full of his piss-n-vinegar. his girlfriend in Chicago apparently is a defunct relationship and he's all moody over that. mom perked him right up, flirting like a she-cat in heat, especially once she had about three Strawberry Margaritas in her. oh and he flirted right back! dirty boy! lol

oh and guess what??? they were out on my patio, it was after we had gone out to eat and had a few drinks, why is it that alcohol always seems to lower our inhibitions? sheesh. so anyway, they're outside, both are pretty much into this flirting game and right there---right there on my patio, mom opens up her blouse to show off her bountiful breasts in a low-cut lace bra (i inherited my large breasts from her side of the family, so she's got'm too, my older and younger sister "got cheated" out of them)---and stands there with this Cheshire Cat's lusty grin, letting Steve get both an eyeful and a handful!
see they thought i was upstairs changing clothes, but i was in the kitchen, which has this really neat kind of window: anybody inside the kitchen can see out, but at night, those outside can't see in. it has something to do with weird optics and the location of the window.
oh holy cow. there i was, washing my hands, looking sideways out the window, and there was mom with this silly smile on her face and Steve with his hand on her breasts! hmmm, is that a tinge of jealousy i feel inside my head? next thing, Steve will be whispering to her that he has "magic fingers" that knows "just how to please a woman's clitoris...in all the right ways!"

again, i say sheesh.

i give them enough time to get their jollies before i come out, i make enough racket to alert them way ahead of time and sure enough, they've cleaned up their act. oh but...i can tell that mom's hot...damn...and sure can tell that Steve is. i'm only out there for a few minutes and mom whispers in my ear: "Is Steve available?"

do i have to tell the rest of it?

Steve and my mother go over to his house: she wants to see his hot tub and he's willing to show it off, uh ah, yeah right.

i stay up for about 45 minutes longer, it's like 11pm and i have to get up early for work. mom's got a key to the backdoor, so...well, hell with it. that damn MILF-hornydog Steve...that's my mother you're...well, hell.

the next morning, before i get off to work by 8am, she shows up in the kitchen, all meek and hung-over from both the drinking and whatever else. i ask her if her boyfriend is the jealous sort, she understands what i am asking and gives me the atypical reply in this situation: "What he doesn't know will not hurt him..."

all i can say is: oh mother!

hmpth. a kid never learns everything about their own parents, sometimes it is a lot more healthier for them to just stay forever ignorant of certain aspects of their parent's lifes...and lifestyles; right?

sheesh, there's nothing like having no time when you need to have time

2005-09-20T18:43:00.000-04:00

if it isn't hassle time from my mother (they decided to stay longer!), and if it isn't having a three-way conversation on the phone, between mom, A (older sister) and myself and listening to the rants of a total lunatic, who all she can do is complain...and then on top of that, have Greg pull one of his: "we have to go to South Carolina next week..." hmpth.

give me a break you morons!

i have been thinking about that "essay" Peggy-the-therapist wants me to write concerning my mother, when i saw Peggy last week, she complained that my masturbation essay was "too short and too angry," hmpth on that. what was so angry about it? i started to write a "definitive accounting" of my penchant and pleasure with masturbation, however i got off track and went somewhere else with it. i then waited for a while, then you pushed me once, then twice and i was already pissed off about work: so then i wrote that "too short and too angry" paragraph or so. that isn't enough? it's to the point and it's how i felt, okay maybe not how i really felt, but the way i felt at that moment. okay, so i will give it another shot...especially now that i have the ultimate toy and am now addicted to Mr Wabbit. :)

i had a fantasy today while at work, it just kind of popped into my brain. i was sitting at my desk, going over these idiot reports of how much steel; by inch, yard and some other weird measurement. boring. just a whole bunch of numbers, that eventually all melt into one long and endless infinitum of numbers.
so there i was, my mind all fuzzed over with these numbers and as i sat there, the space of numbers soon took this form, a beautiful, sexy form; first it was all numbers, then it became tiny dots, like that weird "dot" painting of a scene in Paris (can't remember the name of the painter or the painting)---then it finally took on the form of naked Lady.
i got horny, which is normal for me i suppose. i did a silly thing, equally normal for me i suppose. i went to my special lady's executive "wash room" two flights up to where it is seldom used and, well, with the vision of Lady still within my brain, I masturbated.

okay Peggy, i'm a deviant :), but so are a whole bunch of other people...am i any more weird just because i am a female who likes the pleasure of self-pleasure and admit to it? i bet at least a good 65% of women in the world will refuse to admit to masturbating, or even getting horny and masturbating. we're trained at an early age by our mothers, Girl Scouts, the church, by other experiences (etc), that as a woman, we're all just supposed to be so above getting horny, getting hot and wanting pleasure, on top of that, we're supposed to be so wonderful and never even masturbate! this is ludicrous, it is stupid, it is so false and it's caused so many women to find themselves with various forms of a neurosis.
well i am a woman, i am a lesbian and i love to masturbate. i get horny sometimes, i get hot sometimes and i masturbate. so what?

tell me Peggy, don't you get horny, get hot...don't you masturbate?

just because we're past some generalized benchmark age, doesn't mean that once we're adults, that we can't enjoy the pleasure of self-pleasure---of masturbating. such pleasures of pleasuring ourselves doesn't end at a certain age, it goes along with us forever, that's the way we're made.

**********************

oh yes, a disapointment here: my friends, out in CA, immer & Mrs. Daphne, they decided to shut their site down, Mrs Daphne told me that they did it because of their work schedules and that they didn't feel right having a site and not writing to it as often as they really wanted to. i guess she has a point.
i do try to come here at least twice a week to write, originally i wanted to write at least three times a week, however that can sometimes be hard to do.

got some more pix up!!!

2005-09-18T15:29:00.000-04:00

well i was able to do it! i got some more pix up, not as many as i wanted to, but a few anyway.
the next few sets will be some long series shots, like a "photo essay" sort of thing, like a lot of these pictures are that you find both in magazines as well as on the Internet.
i was going to do at least these and then one of the series, however my mother called and said she and her boyfriend are on their way from New York (Buffalo) and will be arriving...eventually. that means, most likely, they're only about two hours away. she does that all the time. i learned a couple of years ago that if she says that they will "be along eventually"---that means they're anywhere between 2 to 4 hours away. there have been times that she'd call and say: "well dear, we'll be there sometime today..." and then 25 minutes later there is a knock on the door and there she stands. so in a way i expect her anytime now.

both Lady and Dee are over today, we had brunch, went to the mall, bought some clothes, went to see a movie and then came home. Lady helped me choose the pictures for today, and unfortunately Dee had to get home earlier than expected: the babysitter had a family emergency!

so now all we're doing is having some wine, letting the roast cook and waiting for mom and her boyfriend. my younger sister and her boyfriend are due at anytime too, i called over there to let her know mom was "just about anywhere" within a 350 mile radius. i got a good laugh out of that one since my sister is certainly learning about mom's traits since she's moved off from Kentucky (her original college to the local college here).

so, here's a link to my favorite pix:

LINK: http://trainwreckfavpix.blogspot.com/

short note for 09-17-2005

2005-09-17T16:36:00.000-04:00

just a short note, i guess.

well i had to do it, one of Lady's friends here in town had a "Naughty Girl Party," Friday night, where they show off all these toys and such, and they were selling the Mr Wabbit toys, usually the woman who does the parties for the company only has demos so that folks can see what they look like. however i guess luck was with me because she actually had some of these toys in her trunk {a woman who had ordered some stuff, once they came in, decided she didn't want them, so instead of returning them to the company, the party lady decided to sell them with a discount---and yes, they're still in a sealed package!)---so i went home with my Mr Wabbit.

Lady had to go Denver for a Monday meeting, so after the party on Friday i dropped her off at the airport: we made out in the car for about thirty minutes and it simply got me all frazzled. Lady joked and made fun of me: "Well at least you have that Mr Wabbit..."

i get home at around 10pm, fix something to eat and as i have a late dinner, i watch TV for a bit. Lady calls to let me know that her flight is delayed (again), however for only 30 more minutes and that she will call me when she gets to Denver.

after i eat, i head on upstairs, go to my bedroom, toss the new toy on the bed, then strip down and take a shower. now all nice and naked, i go to my little office and get onto the Internet. i realize that i haven't done an update to my favorite pix in a while, i've got at least a couple of series' to get up, guess i'll do that Sunday morning...for those who like to visit there.
i check the email, got one from Olivia, she is sorry she's been mad at me about that trip to Kentucky i went on and didn't ask her to come along on, she and Lilly are "thinking about" a trip "your way" and want to know if i'd be interested in them coming for a visit if they "come my way." silly Olivia. i think that's funny, she's "coming my way...", okay Olivia, where are you going that would take you my way? there isn't anywhere else for you to go that would take you my way, if you were going somewhere else. so, say it like it really is, please---you want to know if i am still mad at you for being mad at me and want to come for a visit...and you want to bring Lilly too.
hmmm, am i supposed to figure that this will be one of Lilly's little games again? i could talk about that one, hmpth, based on the last time Olivia brought Lilly with her and what we all ended up doing. okay Olivia: if you want to have a threesome with you, Lilly and me, then why not go ahead and admit it and ask, don't get Lilly to play the part of the "casual instigator" so that you can look as if you're all surprised about it! hmpth!
i wrote back that i didn't mind them coming for a visit, however i added; "i don't mind the visit, but no threesome this time!" i am sure she'll write me back asking me what i mean.
also got an email from J, the woman that i met when Olivia and i went to Hawaii, she's been given a higher position in the company she works for and now manages about 5 properties and B got an increase in his pay too, so they're doing pretty good. they're planning on a trip to New York in November, she's hinting at "swinging by" where i live, if they have the time. she also wrote some about that night at the beach party, she still feels kind of guilty about what went on, though B doesn't seem to be too upset over it.

by that time, it was kind of late, so i quickly looked over the selection of pictures i want to put up in my favorite pix site and, well, it got me all aroused again---so, well, it was a "try Mr Wabbit all on my own..." for me, after that!

last thursday night ( 09-08-2005) part 03

2005-09-15T22:12:00.000-04:00

i guess i'll go on with what happened last weekend.

after we got in from the balcony, we were pretty well hot for each other, as i said, it had been quite a while since Lady and i had been together, so this was our first time in quite a while. we decided to take a shower, now i guess some people don't get it...a shower that is, they don't get that a shower can be quite sexy and a lot of fun, even for a heterosexual couple too! anyway so we decided to go to the shower and man was it huge, it was really big in there with plenty of room to move!
it didn't take long at all for us to start playing, i leaned up against the back part of the shower and starting with my breasts, Lady started to kiss me and use her tongue; slowly she worked her way downwards, stopping at my belly-button, then on downwards until the tip of her tongue began to play with my clitoris. it was wonderful!
i couldn't help but watch as she used her tongue on me, it's something that excites me even more so it all just makes it a lot more pleasurable for me. Lady knows how to drive me crazy with her tongue, she knows that i also like to be teased a bit too, so she did that too. she brought me close to orgasm and then...just like that...she quit.
we kissed for a while longer, pressing our wet bodies together, feeling each other up, having a lot of fun with each other. somehow Lady ended up against the wall with me in front of her, i just adore her petite, full breasts, like torpedoes, so i spent some time suckling on each one while i played with the other. as i suckled on one though, i moved my hand downwards, when i reached her clitoris, i played with it for a minute or two before i continued downwards some more. now i had to adjust myself just a bit, however i was able to ease my finger into her pussy, and as she says---"magically finding and pleasuring" her G-spot.
when things got just a bit too much for us, we eased off, cooled off in the water spray and then got out. we each dried the other off, which was also a lot of fun, then slipped into bed.
Lady and i do a lot of kissing, it's wonderful to kiss, she's so good with her tongue, both when we kiss and when she uses it to pleasure my clitoris. she also knows, almost instinctively when to slip her hand between my thighs, she's never been wrong with when to do it and always right on the spot too. she used her fingertip, doing little circles slightly above my clitoris where i just barely could feel it, then brought her fingertip between my pussy lips for a moment before going back to my clitoris. she was truly driving me wild, doing this as we continued to kiss, sometimes we're in an equal position to where i can join in and play with her clitoris, however this time we weren't, so i was getting all of that kind of pleasure.
she eased off, we shifted a bit, which found me between her thighs, my tongue flicking at her clitoris until she let out this sexy giggle of hers. i always love to explore her clitoris with the tip of my tongue, i always start off really slow, searching here and there, bringing her slow pleasures as i use my tongue's tip. i also take to a position where if she wants, she has finger-access to my clitoris, so it never fails that as her pleasure grows, she reaches out and begins to play with me.
however this night would be different...

she was on the verge of an orgasm, i could feel it, when she made me stop. i pulled away, gave her a smile and asked her why she wanted me to stop, that's when she told me she had a "surprise" for me...or...for us.

now Lady is always a surprise in some way, however this time it was even a bigger surprise. she knows how much i love to have my clitoris played with and how wonderful an orgasm can be from that. so when she left the bed, telling me she'd be right back, it left me a bit in a tizzy on what she was doing. when she came back, she had this small backpack like thing and a smile on her face.
she sat down, opened the bag and pulled out this...toy.

it was made famous on the cable TV show Sex In The City, i had not only seen that program, but my friend Mrs. Daphne had written me an email not long ago telling me about Mr Wabbit, and the fact that she loves it, come to find out she and Immer use it at least twice a month when they make love.
however it did come as a surprise to me when Lady showed up with it. a cute little pink Mr Wabbit, it doesn't vibrate like a toy like tht would, that's one of the reasons i don't like them, the vibration, there are other reasons i don't like dildos or vibrators, maybe one of these days i'll explain it.
i will admit, i was entranced by the "rabbit" attachment at the top, it was what stimulates the clitoris, and well, i love that. i wasn't so sure about using it, the clitoris stimulator is one thing, the "vibrator" part yet another---then Lady explained it this way: "You like it when i use my finger in your pussy to play with your G-spot, right?" then she turned on the "vibrator" part andit didn't vibrate, it made these circles, it was moving in circles---it was intended to pleasure the G-spot! hot-damn!

though i wasn't so sure about this whole thing, i was willing to give it a try, i mean on the show, one of the women made a remark that the thing was the best ever...and, well, if one of them could be so addicted to the sensations of it, to lock herself up in her apartment, what could be wrong with giving it a try?

first we started making out again; kissing, caressing, playing with each other's breasts, then clitoris, then Lady slowly worked her magic as she moved down my body, soon to use her tongue on me. i was really into the sensations, almost lost in that special world where a woman goes when she's being pleasured in that way---then i felt it, it filled my pussy...then just a tiny bit of this intense vibratory pleasure at my clitoris---oh then!!!!: this thing was moving inside my pussy, it was moving in such a way that it was fully massaging me inside...nothing ever had done something like that, nothing ever had intentionally went and massaged and brought extreme pleasure to my G-spot!

oh holy shit! hot damn!

i've used a clitoris stimulator-vibrator before, most of them are quite ungainly and are too big to "hit it just right" on a clitoris, they're either too big or something just ain't right. most women will tell you that it is their clitoris that counts and to "get it right" is about the most important thing in the world---oh, and to continually or at least almost continually get it right until an orgasm.
having Mr Wabbit, what with the G-spot thing and the vibrating "rabbit" thing on it, doing what it was doing---oh my lord, it was such a potent orgasm and it came so quick and so...freakin' powerful!

when the rush was finally over from the orgasm, she slipped it out of me, i couldn't help but feel the whole buzz going on about my pelvis, clitoris and my pussy (G-spot especially). it had been such a very long time that i had experienced such an intense sensation, maybe i never really did before anyway. i came down, looked up at her and she was beaming...she had gotten off to it too and while she was using it on me, she had been fingering herself, so she had an orgasm too.
i guess she noticed that i was somewhat set aside by the fact that the orgasm had come so fast and furious, that she moved upwards, kissed me lovingly and sensually: "Don't worry, this thing does that, sometimes you just cum real fast but real potent, and other times it's slow and potent...you just have to figure out what kind of pleasures you want..."

hmmmm, i thought about that one, gave her a kiss, then moved downwards to use my tongue on her clitoris and eventually she and Mr Wabbit had fun too!

mad stuff --&-- thursday night ( 09-08-2005) part 0 2

2005-09-12T23:01:00.000-04:00

oooh man am i really pissed right now. dumbshits. i go into work this morning, as i am supposed to, no sooner do i get settled into my office, read some email and then get ready to divvy up the workload, than Greg comes in: "Guess what?" he asks in that stupid tone that tells me that something dumb is about to happen. "You got today and Tuesday off..." he adds, waiting for me to head butt him out the door.
the company nitwits upstairs have decided that if i work the 12 hours today and the 12 hours tomorrow, it will be classified as "double overtime"
duh...dummies. of course it will be double overtime, as they call it, why shouldn't it be? so anyway Greg tells me that since they forked out those two hefty "special checks" to me way back when the new system was being initiated, that i would not be "allowed" to work any hours over "regular overtime." so, the guy sent me home.
spent the day, or most of it up at one of the malls, bought some sexy undies, bought some normal undies, some clothes, shoes and DVDs and stuff. yeah it really worked out pretty good when i got all that dough back then, half of the first check went as a down payment on the Mustang, and some fun stuff, used the rest to invest in a good Money Market. the second check part of it went to Hawaii and what i had left went towards more investments into the Money Markets. i get a monthly check from those Money Markets, which have ended up being some extra spending money. pretty cool, for once!

well, okay, last Thursday night! already told about the club, we had a bunch of fun there, really. so we get back to the suite, order some drinks, take off our clothes, down to our skimpies, and then do a Pay-per-View adult movie. the movie was pretty hot, got us both hot too, we did some kissing, fondling and fun stuff during the movie...after it was over the fun stuff really got good.

we were on the 15th floor of the hotel, which was the top floor of the building. there was a great view of the city too, all the buildings lit up, the cars, the noises of the city and all that stuff. our suite was located at the corner of the building, the only way to see us on the balcony would have been if somebody across the street in the building over there had a telescope; the suite to the left of us, well, it had a balcony, but there's these side-wall like things on each of the balconies, so it's kinda like a box opened on one end.
after the movie was over, we had only a little bit of the Tequila Margaritas and we were pretty buzzed and horny, so we opened up the sliding door to the balcony to cool the suite down a bit. for some reason we ended up going out on the balcony, wearing only our skimpies, we stood by the railing, looking out over the city and then started to kiss.
of course kissing always leads to more stuff, like feeling each other's asses, breasts and such. at one point, there i was, sort of siting on the edge of this neat table, with Lady between my legs, we were kissing and she had slipped one hand down between my thighs and was playing with my clitoris through my thong. hmmmm, it was really nice and kind of exciting, out there on the balcony.
as she kissed and played, i easily undid her bra, tossed it inside the room and once we quit kissing, i snuggled up to her petite yet full breast and started suckling softly. she moved back just a little bit for a moment, allowing me to fondle her breast as i suckled on the other one, however she moved back and as we kissed, she undid my bra. once my breasts were freed, it didn't take her long to get a delightful eyeful of my biggies; my nipples were incredibly stiff, partially from the excitement of what we were doing, and partially because Lady simply turns me on.
she eyed me for quite a while, being silly, i sat there and did the "vogue" thing, you know, like Madonna sings about. that really got Lady going, being able to watch me vogue around a bit, all topless and still in my thong.
Lady was able to get close enough to me to help me slip out of my thong, so there i was, totally naked, on the balcony and giving her a little dance, playing my breasts in her face, letting her lick my large dark-brown areola and use her tongue on my nipples. a few times i took my time near her, so that she could dab her finger between my thighs, playing quickly with my clitoris and getting me all damp. a few times she even dared to slip her finger between swollen pussy lips, so slowly that it was driving me crazy.
after a bit, i once more moved back over to her and helped her out of her panties, so there we were, two inebriated, horny, naked women, making out...heavy foreplay style on the balcony. it was so damn exciting, that's for sure----but not quite as exciting as for what Lady had planned, once we were to move inside!

i'm gonna tease this all along for a while...

thursday night ( 09-08-2005) part 01

2005-09-11T15:20:00.000-04:00

i got over to Lady's around 1pm or so, she was already packed and ready to go, so we just tossed her small suitcase into the trunk of my Mustang and took off. at first we weren't going to head out of town, we were going to stay over at her place Thursday and Friday and then go over to my place for Saturday night, because of the gas prices, however we just said "hell with it," and decided to go out of town.
the drive to the city was pretty good, not much traffic except for big trucks and a few travelers in cars, vans and SUVs; i got stuck behind some twit in a '04 Explorer, dippy ding didn't know how to drive the thing i guess. every time i tried to pass the woman, she'd speed up, i could see her image in the big old rear-view mirror on the door, she had this stupid grin on her face, as if she were having the time of her life blocking a hot-rod Mustang. after doing the highway tango with this twit, i backed off, slowed down and let about a mile gap come between us and waited for a nice long straight-away. i moved over to the clear lane, all the way over to the side, leaving her in the "slow lane" and the middle lane between us. i stomped down on the accelerator, the engine roared like hellfire and i pretty well made-up the mile within a freakin' flash. that twit couldn't react at all, the closer i got the more i could see her image in the rear-view, her stupid smile had been replaced by a scowl, but she knew if she got in front of me, i'd slam my Mustang right up her expensive SUV ass.
i flew past that twit, with Queen doing Bohemian Rhapsody at full blast, and all i saw of the twit in the Explorer was a fuzzy wispy of her goofy face and a one-fingered salute.

since we didn't have a reservation at the ritzy hotel, we had to make do with one of the lessor rooms, hell, who cared, it was a 4-star place in a ritzy area and nearly all of the rooms are suites, just that the more expensive ones are bigger and better furnished. hell, the room we stayed in for Thursday night and Friday night had one of those big old HiDef TVs in it; know what it's like to watch a good adult movie on one of them big old Playboy mansion specials?
after we got moved into the suite, we changed clothes, decided to wear something simple for the rest of the afternoon. Lady slipped into a nice tight silk blouse, simple flowery design, the blouse favored her bust really nice, so she got several glances from the guys for that one, and she wore this simple cotton skirt that came down about mid-thigh---yeah she has really nice thighs and legs, so she likes to show them off sometimes.
i wore a silk blouse too, but it showed off more of my breasts than her's did, well okay, more of my cleavage anyway, but with this blouse it's just more comfortable to wear a half-bra, so it pretty well firmed me up and "cleavage" me out! i topped it all out with a pair of tight black leather pants and these spiky shoes that Frank Zappa would have called "sinister footwear," that's for sure. yeah i got some looks from the boys too and a few from some women as well.
there's this really cool nightclub down the street and around the corner from the hotel, it's a pretty ritzy place as well, where a lot of the big shot financial jerks go and where the equally big shot out-of-towners (and foreigners) hit. it's always been a hoot to go there because you have all these Euro Trash types that just can't help but go there, since the place, which originally catered to the Yuppie type, switched over to the Dot-Com Boomer types, mixed in with the Euro Trash and Hip Oriental for most of the '90s. around 2000, it switched, just a tiny bit to more of a dance club sort of place, yet it still has that arrogant high-finance, rich type of atmosphere.
we hit it at around 9pm, since it was a weekday (Thursday), it wasn't as if it were a hot Friday or Saturday, so the crowed, even though it was still much like the weekend crowd, the place wasn't too crowded up. ah, but still, we had our fun though.
so between 9:30pm to about 11pm, we were there, having Fuzzy Navels, watching the people, doing a few dances and being hit on by a small collection of young businessmen from the UK and Germany. at one point, after listening to this guy with his German accent, spouting off about the "problems of currency exchange" between the US, UK and Germany, and how it affects the prices of coal, oil and other industrial goods---all the while staring at my nice big breasts, with its cleavage---i reached over, put my fingertip under his chin, lifted his head up and looked right at him: "lissen'here you doofus bastard, quit talking to my big tits, they don't like boring conversations..."
oh i am sorry...sure am. he went away in a huff but returned about 20 minutes later, all apologetic and tried to buy me another drink. i smiled at him and told him my breasts didn't want another drink. he left and didn't come back.

so about 11:15pm, with the place getting to be a big busier, we headed on out and left all the horn dogs behind, to flirt and try to play their games with other women.

okay, it's hard enough to walk in those extreme spiked shoes when cold damn sober---any woman worth her salt will at least attempt to walk in them when somewhat inebriated---but an intelligent and inebriated woman will take them off and say "who cares!" when people give you the stupid eye.
we walked back to the hotel, and yeah, i kept getting the eye from people, i guess i'd have looked at some partially inebriated woman, dressed like we were, with one carrying her sinister footwear in her hand. it took us a bit longer to reach the hotel than it did to get to the club, we'd stop sometimes, wrap our arms around each other and pass a good solid, horny kiss. man did we get some stares from people when we did that!
so, finally, we get back to the hotel and once in the room, we decide we can stand a couple more drinks, so we order up 4 Strawberry Margaritas...and of course by the time we get to our second one, it's pretty well melted, but, what the hell.
before we get to the drinks though, we each undress the other, play a few "touchy-feelie" games with each other...Lady just loves it when i wear a thong! we kiss and while we do, her hands are down on my cheeks; playing, massaging, oh yeah, it's nice!
we stay in our undies and lounge on the bed, sipping our drinks for a few minutes before we figure out what we want to do...which is, in the end, at least for the next hour 1/2, is to watch this adult movie on that great big HiDef TV.
man, i'm gonna have to buy me one of those big HiDef TVs, I've got one of those medium-sized "plasma" TVs, it's big, but it just doesn't seem to have the clarity and all of that one in the suite at the hotel. think i'll spend some of my "extra money" on getting one soon.

the movie certainly made us hot, even the scenes between the guys and girls were pretty hot---wasn't much actual coitus going on though, i'd say about 90% of the guy-girl stuff was oral sex, or finger play. of course the girl-girl stuff was nearly all oral sex, with fingers playing with clitoris and the such. i wish i could remember the name of the movie, i'd like to get a copy, i have so few adult DVDs, most times if we decide to watch one, we have to rent it or Pay-Per-View and then we're limited to what the channels offer.
to tell the truth, even before the movie, we were horny. we hadn't been with each other in about two weeks, our bodies were really aching for each other, that's for sure. during the movie, we played a little bit with each other, however it wasn't much at all, just a few quick kisses, and finger play with panties in the way, or finger play with bras in the way. it was fun and it more-or-less set the stage for our love making, as soon as the movie was over.

yeah, Thursday night was great, haven't had as much fun with Lady, like that, in a long time. she even brought something with her which came as a very pleasant surprise...but that'll have to wait until i write again...which should be tomorrow.

is this a teaser or what?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

got an email from some friends out in CA, knew them back in college and we've stayed pretty close since then. they decided to start a blog, got it started just today, so there's only one entry so far, but knowing him (and her), it will be a delight to read.

check it out at: http://nearlyalwayshorny.blogspot.com/

just a quckie note and a new link to a friend's blog

2005-09-11T13:04:00.000-04:00

went out of town with Lady, Thursday night; went to a ritzy hotel in the major city near where we live, had a glorious time, tried something new... , and that certainly got us going and me interested in a new, uhm, toy!!!
just wanted to quickly leave a note, i haven't forgotten this place, i promise, just either been real busy at work or trying to get as much leasure in as i can.
got an email from some friends out in CA, knew them back in college and we've stayed pretty close since then. they decided to start a blog, got it started just today, so there's only one entry so far, but knowing him (and her), it will be a delight to read.

check it out at: http://nearlyalwayshorny.blogspot.com/

i'll be back sometime later today!

silly, crazy and, well, thanks a lot

2005-09-08T12:38:00.000-04:00

okay as i said, we've been putting in some over-hours time because our clients had some big time fears about losing their data, so we worked a bunch of over-time.
didn't get Labor Day off---noooooo, that'd be too much of a special thing, right?
now this is the weird shit that Greg got the company to do for us, since we did the chin-up and worked the weird hours:

1) instead of paying us full overtime, what they did was have half the department take Thursday and Friday off and get paid for days off (though we got "half" overtime for the overtime (go figure that idea).

2) the other half take Monday and Tuesday off, and get paid for days off.

okay this is the stupid part, those of us who work on Thursday and Friday, the work load is doubled, however they refuse to let us work "overtime" to keep up. thus those on Monday and Tuesday that have to work, will be doing catch-up work. what days off would you want?

i chose Thursday and Friday and will regret it, come Monday, solely for the doubled workload so that we can catch up, i took it off because Lady has had the whole week off, as on something called "Labor Day Week," ah, but she deserved the week off because she hasn't had a vacation in a long time.

so, guess where i am going to stay tonight through Sunday? yeah, you got it! ohboy! leasure and pleasure time, for the both of us!

(be back later today if i can make it!)

labor day--hmpth on that one. just another long weekend for the government AND a lucky very few---a majority of this country continues to work

2005-09-05T11:59:00.000-04:00

yeah i had to work this morning, most of us in our office did. Labor day, what a farce. my mother used to say that the only labor day that she "celebrates" is the labor day of her going into labor when she had her kids. now that's sort of amusing, well, maybe, i don't know.
speaking of my mother; she and her boyfriend (can a 53 year old be classified as a boyfriend?) were going to drive from Kentucky to where i live, however at the last moment they decided to take a flight, he's able to get tickets cheap for some reason. actually they are heading to New York City, he's got some kind of consultation to do there, then they rent a sporty car and head to Buffalo where he's got to go (!!) for a couple of days, then they will rent a "reasonable luxury car" so that they can backtrack and uptrack (head north-east) to where we (my sis and i), so that they can visit before they head up into Canada.
yeah, one of their trips again, must be nice to drop everything and head off. mom says that he will "make enough money" on these two consultation trips to pay for their month long trip into Canada. damn!

well i just came on to leave this note and an animated gif that i found on the 'net. i'll be back later to write a bit more, my therapist is all pissy that i haven't worked on any of my essays, with the exception of that "effort" i made on the masturbation one.
well what in hell do you want? i don't know what to write! i was the same way in college, when i was to write an essay, i'd always start off with nothing in mind, and come up with something as i went along. this time i have no idea what to write.

my freakin' masturbation essay---boiled down to this:
so i masturbate, i learned all about it and the pleasures it can give when i was a teenager. i masturbated off and on during high school, did some during college (then got into mutual masturbation with my GF) and i still, at my age, and even though i have some...er..."solid" relationships (intimate or otherwise), still find joy and pleasure in masturbating; on my own or with a GF!!!

so Peggy, is this good enough?

*************************************************

more sorrow

2005-09-05T11:28:00.000-04:00

too much to take in, when you watch the news; CNN and MSNBC, so often so full of the horrible things going on in Lousianna with them down there. so horrible and it just seems that things like this shouldn't happen, but it does.

shhhhhheeeeew, am i tired! lotsa work during the week!

2005-09-03T14:30:00.000-04:00

well this is just a quick note, i was really busy this past week, some of our clients were in a horrible frenzy with the bad weather along the coast. we had to do several rush orders for our "data" and "manuscript" clients who wanted to make sure that their most recent data (etc) was all saved and up-to-date. we worked, as two separate groups, a 12 hour shift, talk about overtime!
i wanted to come on here and write some, but i am really tired, so all i was able to do was update my fav pix blog, http://trainwreckfavpix.blogspot.com/, so if you want to visit it, hit the link.

most likely i'll be back on 09-04-05 to write, perhaps even a long entry!

have a date with Lady tonight, we're out to celebrate her raise and promotion. looks like she will be moving to this area, or at least within about a 35 minute distance. her company is opening up a "branch office" here in the city i live in and since she's got more years into the business than others and already is quite familiar with the city and all the rest, they offered her the position. Lady said that for at least a full week she was thinking about the offer and promotion, and...<>...she let me know that i "figured into it," too. wow!

well, till later

sadness

2005-09-01T19:40:00.000-04:00

it's such a sad and horrible thing, Hurricane Katrina, and what it did to all of those people in Louisanna.

my heart goes out to those folks and to everybody else whose had to suffer because of that hurricane.

kind of a "krazee" week

2005-08-27T10:55:00.000-04:00

first off, let's see. the therapist is miffed that i deleted what i did, but you know what Peggy? i don't care. i chose to delete and to do-over because i felt that it was going into a different area than what the "essay" was supposed to be about. when i choose to continue from the spot that i deleted, then i will, otherwise i will try the best i can to write the "essay" that you want. okay?
also odd stuff around the office. on our trip to Philadelphia, it was made quite clear that Mr Studly Stud was hot for Ms Cutsie, Ellen. he was like all over himself being a nice guy and paying a lot of attention to her that night we were all out. i'm not sure if she was playing him or not, i don't know her well enough to say. what bugs me is her "comfort level" while around me, like in the motel room, running around naked like that. i think she's more of a game player than she wants to let out, especially when her outside (public) persona is such a "sweet girl" (as Greg-the-boss & others claim). under that sweet girl persona, she's quite the nymphette (no not nympho!), out to play mind games (etc).
so on Tuesday guess who shows up at our office? yep, Mr Studly Stud, all dressed up in his expensive silk suit, he claims that he's here at the office to "make sure" that the program they use for the data is compatable with our new program. d'uh.
of course the programs are compatable you idiot---they're the same ones!
he just came, using the program thing as an excuse, at the expense of his company, to see Ellen. i wonder how he validated the plane ride and the car rental, plus the hotel room. i'm sure he figured out a way of doing it at the expense of the company, smart-asses like him always have an edge on things, right?

now Olivia is a bit pissy pants with me too. she was supposed to come down, but it got canceled because of things outside her control, then she got pissy because i didn't invite her to come along with me to my brother's retirement/reuinion party.

i spent Wednesday night with Lady and Dee at the club...it wasn't our regular party night, just some of the girls got together for about two hours. Dee didn't stay for the whole time, she left only after about 45 minutes becasue her ex-husband was supposed to bring their daughter back home on Thursday morning (he "missed the flight," supposedly and didn't get her back until Friday).
Lady and i spent Wednesday night over at my place and enjoyed ourselves for the first time in quite a while. Thursday morning, we both stayed in for half the day and then went into work, of course she can make her own schedule when she wants, but now i have to "make up" the half-day either on Saturday or next week. i will most likely do it next week. somebody is nearly always making up lost time anyway, in our office. we have some pretty good employers here, they take care of us, they know that they rely on us and our ability to do our jobs well---so they give more than most other businesses do. it's really nice to have a place to work where the employers and their bosses aren't so uptight and stupid.

my younger sister and her boyfriend came over on Monday for dinner, which she cooked. i must admit she takes after me, more than she does mom, when it comes to cooking. we both like to cook, so we know how to cook. mom didn't like to cook, so when she did, it was, well, edible but not by much.
they also came over on Friday for about two hours, we went over some old photographs and some VCR tapes that were made back when we were kids. what's bad is that since dad was always behind the camera (both), there are hardly any of him. only have a few, like portraits and stuff with mom and suprisingly there's maybe five or six of him when he served in the Vietnam. he was such a cocky SOB back then but it also sure did affect him later on.
Lady and i went out Friday, then returned to her place after we went to see Johnny Depp in the Wonka movie, spent much time in bed on Saturday, then to see another movie at the discount theater (Fantastic Four), then a long drive out into the country in my Mustang. we ended up returning somewhat late at night on Saturday and even though we were a bit tired, we spent some time making love before we slept.
Sunday found us awake by 1pm and at least a good couple of hours just lounging around either in bed or on the couch, all nice-n-naked. :)

got an email from Olivia Sunday night, she's "no longer upset" with me...hmpth...and plans on a visit over Labor Day, but Lady has to go to Denver for a "conclave" with her bosses, so any chance of any kind of possible fun for the three of us just went out the window. possibly fate once more postponing things?

that's about it for right now, have an after-lunch date with Lady, then we're going to go shopping at the mall and maybe a drive into the city, might even stay at one of those snooty hotels, since i still have some of my bonus money left. actually i ended up investing about 35% of it and now get a nice monthly check, which i have recently figured out that i spen on expensive gas!!!

damn these gas companies! hmpth on their gas costs!

the new Depp/Burton film (corpse bride) "poster" & a note

2005-08-25T11:57:00.001-04:00

Johnny Depp's new film, directed by Tim Burton...i wanna see this one!

*********************************************************************

okay, i did delete the ending of part 2 to the masturbation essay that the therapist wanted, i think i went a bit off track than what i wanted to write about. it was going into more the area of early experiences than into what the essay was supposed to be about. i will return to the essay ASAP, and maybe at a later date do an entry about those experiences.

also, Flux Cluster has updated her picture blog, so here's a link to it:

FLUX CLUSTER PIX BLOG

part 2, to the rough draft of masturbation essay {seems like it's now a confessional of sorts!}

2005-08-22T22:16:00.000-04:00

Note!:
{august 24: i decided to delete some of the original entry, after i read over it and had time to think about it, i realized that i was going into a different direction with what this "therapist's essay" was all about. i guess i kind of veered off into something else that really isn't a part of why i like to masturbate and thus isn't part of what my therapist wanted.
so, well, i deleted the last part of the essay and will continue ASAP with what this thing is supposed to be about.
thanks

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

part 2, to the rough draft of the masturbation essay

note: for those of you who haven't been here lately or haven't caught up, please go to the August 20th entry, it's part 1

i had to get undressed first, so while Kasey slipped into the tub, i stripped. for the first time ever, when it came to being naked around Kasey or anything else we did, i was nervous. "are you sure about this?" i asked her again, giving her the way out, but she didn't take it and, well neither did i. she looked up at me bashfully, "no, i want to do this, i want you to show me how it all works and to see for myself how good it all is."
yeah the tub was big enough for both of us, however to be able to show her how to work the thing, i wasn't sure where to sit: in front of her or behind her, most likely in front. i slipped into the tub in front of her, for the first time, sort of self-conscious about things, maybe not being naked, but other things. i started up the water first through the faucet, to get some into the tub, it felt a lot better to have some water in it, then i started the shower head thing, holding it so it sprayed in a different direction, i adjusted it to the setting i always used. briefly i turned towards Kasey, "are you sure? are you ready? it's a bit on the, uhm, startling side at first..." i first asked, then said.
she was adamant about the whole thing, one thing i had learned about Kasey from earlier on, once she's got her mind set on something, there's hardly any chance of going back.
i looked at her and actually found myself looking at her breasts, this evil thought slipping through my brain: 'i wonder whose got the nice titties, me or her?'
"alright then, just know that it's quite a shock at first," i warned her and then brought the shower head to where it should be, when used for masturbation.
her body visibly jolted, i could actually see it as she lifted herself up a little bit; her back arched, her head went back, with this "oh shit!" look on her face as soon as the spray hit her clitoris. her hands inadvertently and instinctively went to cover her clitoris, for a moment they just lightly covered her, then she put them back on the sides of the tub.
it was kind of hard to judge exactly where to let the spray hit since i was using it on her and not me. i had a generalized idea where, but see, it all looks rather different when you're looking at yourself using it, rather than using it on somebody else and having to look at them. it was apparent that i was directing it in the right place, her nipples immediately went stiff, she continued to arch her back and not even look my way.
she started to moan as the spray continued to pleasure her clitoris..."oh that is fantastic, you were right!" i heard her let out between gasps and moans of pleasure.
within only a short moment or two, she had an orgasm. it happened quickly, it just slammed right into her and she rocked with her first "shower head orgasm." it did that way to me too, it continued to do me that way for a while, until i learned how to move it around and extend the pleasure.
again i could see her body shiver and jolt as her orgasm rushed over her...then it dawned on me, as if i had been stuck inside some kind of mental amber or something: we were naked, we were in a tub and i just masturbated her via a massaging shower head!

after i had turned off the water and set the thing into its little holder, and tried not to watch (but was unsuccessful) as Kasey's body was overcome by the orgasm and then having it wash over her until it slowly dissipated, she finally made eye contact with me: "Oh lord, you were right, that was fantastic! so much better than using my fingers..." she drawled out.
i guess my eyes and expression asked a question because she looked at me equally quizzical: "you mean you never have used your fingers to play with your clitoris?"
i shook my head in a silent no, wondering what the big deal was about it all. "really?" she asked again, so dumbfounded that it seemed as if i must have been the dullest dullard in the world. "so how do you masturbate, if you don't use your fingers?"

it just didn't seem like a big deal, using your fingers, i just never thought about it. i told her how i had discovered masturbation and that i'd always used the water from the faucet or the massaging shower head, especially the shower head. i hadn't even ever thought aout fingers..."so you've never used your fingers? you realize that boys, when they play with a girl's clit, use their fingers, right?" she asked.

i'd never gone that far with any boy, the furthest i ever got was with Buddy and all he did was suck and play with my breasts, oh sometimes he'd slip his hand down my pants, but always to play with my butt cheeks, not my clitoris. blushing quite a bit, i told her about Buddy, and she chuckled about that. "you mean you never let him touch your clitoris or your pussy when he kissed you? didn't it make you hot, him sucking your titties and playing with them like that? didn't it give him a hard-on?" she just wouldn't let it go.

"no he never touched me down there, he never even seemed to want to, he only wanted to suck and play with my titties, a few times he slipped his hand down my pants to play with my butt cheeks, but that's all.," i paused, thinking about it, then added: "yes, i knew he was getting a hard-on, i could see it and sometimes when he pressed against me, i could feel it---" then i just dropped it, we were going into territory that i was uncomfortable with.

rough draft, part 1 of the "masturbation essay" for the therapist

2005-08-20T17:02:00.000-04:00

the masturbation essay (rough draft, part 1)

i guess i was about 14, almost 15 when i discovered masturbation. okay, well i had heard about it, plenty times before though. you know girls aren't all that much different in some ways than boys are; they talk "dirty" and so do girls, and just like boys, girls sometimes talk about sex. i had gone to several slumber parties when i was a kid and the conversations that went on sometimes---sheesh! LoL
well maybe i "blossomed" at 13, that is, "having big breasts for my age," but i guess i was kind of naïve about certain things, but there were a couple of other girls in my class who were about my size too, so it wasn't as if i was the only one.
okay so i guess it was around the time when i was 14, soon to be 15...i had, well, already discovered something quite interesting about my own breasts. and...see, it wasn't as if i were a spy on purpose (that came later), there was this small room that was adjacent to my parents bedroom, all it had was this solid half-wall sort of thing with a mesh-like wall from it to the ceiling. it's hard to explain exactly what it looked like though. my mother used this room as a cross between her office and a storage room and one night, in search of some notebook paper, i went into the room. i didn't turn on the light, all i did was go into the room and begin a search of her desk. it was while there that i heard my parents talking in the next room. cautiously i took a glance that way and though it was kind of shadowy beyond the mesh and into their room, i could see shadows. they were in bed and...and...so i got on my knees and crawled over by the wall to listen.
mom was moaning and making mewing noises and dad, well, he was playing with her breasts...mom was making a real big deal about the pleasure he was giving her too.
to cut to the point: before anything got too weird (as a 13 year old can view as weird), i left the room in a hurry, however for the rest of the night, laying in bed, i couldn't help but think about how mom had made it such a big deal about her breasts.
the next night, my parents went out, leaving my older brother in charge of me and my younger sister, around 9pm or so i headed upstairs to my room, slipped into my pajamas, turned off the light and slipped into bed. again those thoughts about breasts slipped into my head and i wondered what was so special and pleasurable about breasts.
i slipped my hand under my pajama top, simply feeling my own breasts...not finding anything of interest at first. i continued to "examine" (i guess that's a good word for it) my breasts and discovered that both of my nipples were stiff. now they'd gone stiff a few times, all thanks to either cold water or cold weather...and i never paid much attention to that, other than to be a bit embarrassed when the boys oogled me and the girls blushed with giggles.
lightly i began to play with my nipples, discovering that yes it was pleasurable and soon, what with my play, i was sending shivers of delight and pleasure up my spine. i soon learned how to tweak my nipples with fingertips to bring me immediate pleasure and found that it was plenty of fun.
so yeah, i was having fun with myself, with my breasts---then came the night, when i was 14 years old that the boy next door ("Buddy") and i went down into his basement...and there we started to kiss and before i knew it, his hand was up my blouse and he was playing with my breasts. he whispered in my ear: "take off your bra, i want to feel your naked boobies!"
at first i didn't know what to do, then i thought to myself, "well, i know what it's like for me to play with them, but not somebody else..." so off went my bra and immediately his mouth was on my breast and he was sucking one and fondling the other.
it felt divine!

from then on, well, i guess i became a "titty slut"...so to speak. LoL

so one night, all alone in the house, i went to take a nice warm bath. there i was in this huge tub, the water gushing out of the faucet and me just swishing myself around in this huge tub---then there i was at the end of the tub, my legs up a bit, and the gushing water drumming against my clitoris!
oh holy shit!!!

it was like...hot damn!

the first time didn't take more than at least three or four seconds: it was, well, almost immediately an orgasm and what an orgasm it was!

okay, well, that was it, i was both a "titty slut" and addicted to masturbation!

it's hard to explain that first orgasm, it came on so fast and engulfed my whole pelvis with sublime, supreme pleasure, that slashed through my consciousness, that it's hard to explain.

i continued to find, over the next three weeks, better ways to have the water gush down onto my clitoris, but the old fashioned simple thing of scooting up against the tub, legs spread and up a bit was the way to do it.

uh-oh, then my parents added something of real value to the bathtub, my older brother had hurt himself playing football and the couch advised them to get one of those Polenex (sp?) massaging shower heads on the end of the hose (so that he could do his back). man oh man, when i discovered that toy, i went crazy with it. there were at least two settings on it that were perfect, then there was one that i simply couldn't use at all, it was just too harsh. i once more experimented with the spray thing, finding it a lot easier to use than the faucet and besides, i could only use the faucet to fill the tub and...well, if it went on too long, then, well, it just wasn't all that cool. so the spray thing was my best "tub buddy," that's for sure.
i masturbated like three or four times a week with that sprayer, it wasn't as if i intentionally went into the bathroom just to go and masturbate, it just worked out that way. then---guilt started to enter the picture. i had been guilt free, even when it came to letting Buddy slurp at, caress and play with my breasts (he wasn't, uhm, the only one though :sigh:)---then came the day that it came to light that masturbation was wrong...was a "sin."
the church group i belonged to, as a teenager, went to this conference thing for "young adults" and they had this workshop over "Teens and sex," which was required of us to attend. it was like a religious sex-ed class, all wrapped up in what it means for Christians to have sex, it was a guilt-trip workshop.
by the time i got home, i was fully depressed because i found out that masturbation was not only bad, it was a sin. how could something so cool and so pleasurable be a sin? didn't matter if i didn't understand the religious ramifications of it, the seed of guilt, Christian guilt had been sewn.
i avoided masturbation for about a month, i even kept away from Buddy too. i realized one night after letting him play with my breasts and suckle upon them and all the rest of the "titty play," that i was, well, horny. when i got home, my breasts still tingling from the pleasure, i ended up masturbating. pretty soon after that, when i masturbated, i also used one hand to play with one of my breasts, but still, the pleasure seemed greater (breasts wise) when Buddy did it.
equating the idea that since Buddy "pleasured my breasts," and getting horny, meant that i'd end up masturbating when i got home, i then had to equate the idea of "sin" to the pleasure that Buddy was giving me.
interesting thing with Buddy and it never came up and it never created a problem: he was only interested in my breasts, he never once tried to slip his hand downwards or wanted to do anything else, it was always my breasts.
for about a month i kept away from both Buddy and masturbation, i was sorely tempted for the masturbation though. not to discount the fun that Buddy and i had, it just wasn't as thrilling as masturbation.

i guess it was because of that month of not going to see Buddy that it slowed things down between us, we never did the basement thing again after that. and, well, after that month, one night, my body just couldn't refuse and i used the spray thing to masturbate---guilty feelings be damned.

from the age of 15 to at least 17, i frequently masturbated with the spray thing, i was once told, when i was in college that i "was weird" because i only used the spray thing to masturbate with and that i never used my fingers to play with my clitoris, or used anything else in my pussy. i was told by my roommate in college that i was "doing it all wrong...", well, she'd end up teaching me how to do it right, but that's another part of this essay.

when i was 18 years old, my parents decided to go out of town the same weekend that they were taking A (older sis) and our younger sister to go visit our brother, off fresh out of basic training. i couldn't go because i had some important things to do, so i stayed at home. it was that Saturday night that i invited one of my oldest friends over to spend the night, i'll call her Kasey. we were like the best of friends, we'd spend nights together, either at my house or her's and we'd share secrets about all sorts of things. we'd talk about sex, or what we thought we knew about it, we'd share "secrets" on how to masturbate, or things about our bodies and all sorts of stuff.
it was nothing to be naked together, in the same room, we would often do "lingerie shows" for each other and just lounge around the bedroom naked. she was really cute, and just a tiny bit plump with breasts a little bit smaller than mine; long strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes and such a cheery attitude. we simply thought nothing of it, being naked or wearing just our panties and bras, there was even the time when we were 17 when we secretly went out into the woods, late at night and skinny-dipped in the brook that ran through the woods near our neighborhood. it was a lot of fun.
so well that night...a new lesson came about.

we were lounging around in just our panties and bra, talking about nothing really in general, Kasey went off to the bathroom and when she came back, she was naked. naturally i slipped out of my own undies and once naked, she remarked about the spray head. i had told her about how i used it to masturbate and i could tell that she was interested in it. she even asked me what was "the best setting" on it for the best pleasure. i tried to explain it to her, but she just acted like a dullard.
then she said the words that were just so weird: "show me...the tubs big enough for the both of us!"

okay, so i didn't think anything about it, well okay, i did, i thought it was a bit odd, her suggesting that both of us get into the tub, but what the hell.

more later!

trip to Philadelphia

2005-08-19T17:23:00.000-04:00

we had to go to Philadelphia this week, the "we" i speak of is Greg (the boss), myself and...the girl that got hired before i had my Hawaii trip, i can't remember what name i gave her, so, well, how about "Ellen?" it was decided that Ellen should go because she's doing most of the data work for the company we have a contract with in Philadelphia.
it was early on Tuesday when we took my Mustang out to the airport, we all met up at where we work, and then headed for the airport. the flight was a bit on the :bleck: side because of the weather and Greg, who doesn't like to fly was a bit on the pukie side for a bit. once in Philadelphia, we got the rental car and headed out to the motel we were going to stay at and got settled. Ellen and i had to share a room since the company is a bit on the cheapskate side and Greg's was down the hall.
we had about two hours before we were to meet the reps, so Greg decided to take a nap and Ellen decided to freshen up a bit, while i just watched TV.
what took me by surprise was just how "relaxed" Ellen is, however i was in for a surprise, when it came to Ellen anyway. there i was, lounging on my bed, wathing TV and Ellen comes around out of the bathroom, having just taken a shower. there she was, in all of her naked glory! i couldn't help but look at her, she's a pretty one, with long hair, a "beach girl's" body (she was really into volley ball before she moved east) and perky breasts that were so nice and firm!
you know it is true, some blonde girls pubic hair is also blonde! her's was such a delightful light blonde that her pinkish clitoris was so easy to see, being framed by her short cropped blonde pubic hair.
Ellen didn't seem to mind one bit at all at being naked or by me looking at her. yes she knows that i am, well, bisexual...to my family, certain friends and other people, i haven't actually come out and said that i can now admit that i'm a lesbian. and yes...Ellen knew that i was bisexual soon after she came to work for us, it's not as if there's a lot of office gossip or whatever, we're all like this big goofus family at work, there's hardly any kind of secret that can remain secret for very long. she "found out" when she asked Twiddle Dee about who Lady was and he let her know that she had been in charge of the group who had installed the new computer system (etc) and is..."sorta missy's girlfriend..."
it's just that up at the office, Ellen is such a conservative sort of personality, always dressed in the very conservative styles and has a rather "conservative" personality. well that image of her changed a bit on our trip, starting with her going around the room naked.

Around 1pm we drove over to where we had to go, met up with the appropriate reps and went to one of their large conference rooms. one of the guys, "Mr Muffin," whose quite the studly stud kept making eyes at Ellen, who pretended to ignore him. the meeting lasted for almost two hours and after that we took a tour of their new wing of the building where they have their research-n-design department. it was quite interesting to see the place, and yes, all the while, Mr Muffin kept up with his subtle hitting on of Ellen, who flirted right back with him.
it was suggested, right as we were about to leave, by, you know who, Mr Muffin, that we all meet up at this club for a drink or two. i think he was simply wanting to ask out Ellen, but felt that it would appear a bit awkward, so he made the suggestion this "his group" and "our group" have a night out. at first Greg wasn't really all into it, he was still feeling pukie and wasn't sure about going. Ellen, well she was playing the hard-to-get program and acted as if she didn't really care. so, basically it was left up to me to make the choice.
well we ended up going out that night, which i will admit was an interesting evening, that's for sure. it just proved that you cannot go by the "outer package" or by what perceptions other people give off....

as soon as i can get into the mood, i'll be writing on a couple of those essays that my therapist wants me to write; possibly the masturbation one and the one about my mother (family).

WOW!!! i got listed!

2005-08-16T12:02:00.000-04:00

well, well, isn't it amazing. i come here to simply write things that my therapist feels i should, as well as a kind of online diary of sorts---and guess what happens?

i get listed on this other website! LINK: http://www.fleshbot.com/sex/text/sex-blog-roundup-113985.php.

man am i suprised! would have been nice for somebody from there to have let me know. it makes me wonder just how many other blog writers (etc) have been listed without being told!

anyway, all i can say is WOW and isn't that neat?

Flux Cluster's-------lunatic0fringe pix Blog

2005-08-15T21:55:00.000-04:00

she has updated her Blog again! go an' see it for yourself, it's great!

lunatic0fringe

brother's "retirement-reunion party" & etc

2005-08-15T18:12:00.000-04:00

just a short note for right now!

Thursday night my younger sister, her boyfriend and i left from Boston and flew to Lexington Kentucky where we were met by our mother and her boyfriend. we spent Thursday night with them and then early Saturday left for Louisville Kentucky, where we were to join up with one of our cousins and her family.
the retirement-reunion party wasn't really at Fort Knox, we only went there briefly for a quick visit with some of my brother's friends and then off to a home of one of his closest friends, in Lousiville where the part was located.
it was quite a blast, there were a number of his old tank buddies who were in his first command, then there were a few from his second, before he left for other places. some of the folks he worked with while he was stationed in the UK even showed up!
it was quite the evening, had a really big dinner, some find drinks and quite a lot of fun at the party.

and no, A, our older sister didn't show up. she did call to say "happy retirement" to him and luckily she didn't go into bitch-mode.

back in Lexington (part of Friday and then Friday night) mom and i had a pretty good talk about my childhood, dad and their divorce and a few other topics that she had never talked to me before. some of what we talked about will show up in an entry.
since Lexington is part of my "old stomping ground" when i was a kid, my sister and i rented a car for the day and we drove around the neighborhood and to other places we once hit. i had heard that an old high school friend of mine worked at a local mall as a manager of a bookstore, so Friday afternoon we headed over there just to see. sure enough there she was at the bookstore. it came as a big surprise for my old friend to see me, we haven't seen or heard from each other for quite a while. the three of us went down to the food court, sat around for at least an hour catching up on things, promising to write some email to each other. it was really nice finding her and catching up on all the old days.

got home quite late Sunday night, and my AC still not working! last Monday they had "fixed it," however then Tuesday morning it went kablooie again. i ended up staying with Lady from Tuesday to Thursday, she had to go to Denver for a meeting with her company bosses and we (sis, boyfriend, i) had to leave after work for Lexington.
Lady and I spent some time on Tuesday talking about "certain topics" that i am supposed to write about, a lot of the time i was pretty well blushing about the whole thing. we achieved at least a couple of things: i openly admitted that a threesome with her, Olivia and i was an interesting thought and that, well, i "wouldn't mind" it happening. to my amazement, she admitted the same thing!
neither one of us have had many threesomes before and they've always been with people who are very special to us, one of the times that i did, it ended up ruining the relationship with one of my friends who was involved in the threesome. i guess it was because of that, that i am very nervous about things when it comes to such things. Lady also said she had a similar incident too, so at least we have a couple of things in common. more on this later.

Olivia called Sunday night, really late, to "check in" and see how i was doing. i had called her on both Wednesday and Thursday and we had a good chat for a while, then we went online and chatted there, sorta had some nice "cybersex"...which is, i must admit quite the letdown, but at least the Clitkisser helped! LoL
she wants to come down next weekend for a visit, she read in my Blog where i talked about the threesome and she kept having these "little hints" about the whole thing.

okay, i guess we're destined for it. seems like, even if Lady and i are nervous about it, seems like we're both interested in it and Olivia certainly is too. Lady and Olivia get along really well...so...

quick note while at work

2005-08-12T10:45:00.000-04:00

i have put up a few more pics, so use the link over on the side to check them out!

just some quick thoughts over these "essay" topics

2005-08-11T14:25:00.000-04:00

Very quick sentences over the topics given as essays:

"required essays" that my therapist wants me to write about before our next meeting!

a) why i enjoy masturbation so much...when alone or when i'm with Olivia or Lady (or maybe even Steve!)

first i want to ask this question---why is it that it is culturally acceptable that men masturbate and it is considered normal behaviour (or even normal for them to "talk about sex" or even be interested in sex), while it is considered as "wrong" for women?
don't women have a libido? don't women what to have sexual pleasure? i guess for a woman to admit that she enjoys sex or enjoys masturbation is to mark her as some kind of degenerate, right? ah, but not so for men, they're just being men and being normal---right? hmpth!
i have no real idea why i enjoy masturbation so much, i just do. i suppose the reason for this excersise in writing an essay about it is to allow me to bring forth, possibly in a subconscious way the "reasons" i have for doing it. okay fine, i will write on it later, offline, so that i will give myself a chance to consider things.

b) should fantasies about threesomes with Olivia and Lady bother me?

perhaps i may feel that they do maybe because subconsciously i consider it wrong(?). however it is the criteria of "wrong" that needs to be figured out.

b1) do i really want the fantasy to happen?

if i must be honest with myself, which i assume is the purpose of this excerise, i must admit that it is: "yes, i do wish that it would happen."

b2) what are major drawbacks of having a threesome?

depending on who is involved (in this case Olivia, Lady and myself), and the relationship, having a threesome could have adverse affects on the relationship. jealousy? (etc)

c) what might have caused the problems i am having with my older sister? (haven't we done this one enough?)

at this point in time i believe i might know but i don't want to either write about it or talk about it, i'm simply all talked out over this issue. i'd like to know why it feels as if i am supposed to take responsibility for her feelings and actions, when i'm not the one having them, she is. i am responsible for my own feelings and actions, and am not responsible for others.

d) my views on my parent's relationship, mom's "closet lesbianism" and etc.

way too involved for a short paragraph, will do the essay instead of this "rough draft" sort of thing.

e) do i fear commitments? is this the reason i have relationships in the case of Olivia and Lady?

yes. i fear commitments for some reason, perhaps having something to do with my past experiences, my parents (#d) and even maybe my older sister. i will have to seriously consider this one.

"required essays" for my therapist --and-- my idiot bitch sister

2005-08-09T11:20:00.000-04:00

01}

"required essays" that my therapist wants me to write about before our next meeting!

a) why i enjoy masturbation so much...when alone or when i'm with Olivia or Lady (or maybe even Steve!)

b) should fantasies about threesomes with Olivia and Lady bother me?

b1) do i really want the fantasy to happen?

b2) what are major drawbacks of having a threesome?

c) what might have caused the problems i am having with my older sister? (haven't we done this one enough?)

d) my views on my parent's relationship, mom's "closet lesbianism" and etc.

e) do i fear commitments? is this the reason i have relationships in the case of Olivia and Lady?

02}

my idiot bitch sister!

okay i guess just about everybody knows that my older sister A is a bitch, i've written about her before, but i don't think that i've really gone into some of the main topics about her; such as the strain on our relationship as sisters. hell i'm not really sure why she has been a bitch, especially towards me, for the past many years, i have asked her, but all i get is either angry silence or yadayadayada/switch subjects. my therapist says that i should "softly confront her" over why she is acting this way towards me, however i don't think so, in this case i think the best thing is to just let the dog lay (so to speak).

i mean, i'm not the only one she's a bitch towards, it's the whole family. so the question is, has she chosen certain things to use as a basis for her anger towards each one of as individuals and then combined them all to universally be angry?

okay what she did recently. i already wrote about her email to me, that's her own stupidity speaking. she calls me last night, was really sweet and poliet, as if she's the princess of the freakin' world...as if there's no such thing as her anger and hatred. talks about her kids, talks about mom and her new boyfriend, then does a short rant about how mom "lies all about it too, just like you do..."

i was about ready to slam the phone down at that remark, but she quickly changed the subject without even a heartbeat skip; talking about absolutely nothing of value---empty talk, letting me know that she wants something from me.

"i really need a loan, sis..." she yawns out, "can you loan me some money? i know you must have some extra money, you took that trip to Hawaii, you bought that new Mustang..."

so, well, if i'm gonna be a bank, i want to know what she wants the money for. she had remarked in her email that she would make the trip to our brother's reunion-retirement party if she had the money to do so. it is true, though i don't really want her to be there, if she wants to borrow the money to go, then i will, well, loan it to her, knowing full well i'll never get it back (she's "borrowed" and then never repaid).

but no, it isn't for the trip to his party---"oh, i need it to get my titties made bigger...i always wanted bigger titties, you always had such nice big firm titties, you never knew what it was like to be made fun of for having small titties---you made me the brunt of plenty of jokes because you, my younger sister had bigger and better titties."

what? she wants to have bigger tits? that is what she wants the loan for? fuck no.

i just mumble, don't let much out and as she begins to talk, her voice gets louder and more angry. it goes from being "super sugar" to poison in only like 0-to-bitch in 6 seconds.

it's all of a sudden: you, you, you...or like: "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha..." only laced with a hell of a lot of damn poison.

i butt in: "if i loan the money, you'd have to use it to come to our brother's party, not to get bigger titties and i want to have a note written up stating how much you borrowed and that you'd pay me back by at least by a given date and then notorized..."

oh she hates that. she rants more about how i embarassed her because i had bigger, firmer breasts and that i flaunted myself in my bikini during the summers and---well, more yada yada yada bullshit.

"...and no, i will use it for what i want it for and no, i will not sign a note of repayment..." she lets me know in her crappy ass arrogant bitch tone.

all i can do is tell her "no way..." and then i hung up on her just as she started to yowl like some Howler Monkey in heat. bitch.

lunatic0fringe

2005-08-08T13:17:00.000-04:00

flux cluster has updated her site...with a special entry, go check it out! :lol:

lunatic0fringe

apologies for not posting entries lately

2005-08-07T11:44:00.000-04:00

it's been like really crazy lately on the job. i have been going with Greg to the HQ of several of our clients and they're all like out of town. two of them are about 3 hours away, which is no fun at all when you have to drive with Greg. he's a real rubber-neck sort, always wanting to look at the scenery, even though he's already seen it a dozen times...and even if he's driving. at least when we go in his car, it's comfortable because it is a 2004 Lerxus. so far we've used his car 6 times and my Mustang 5 times and thank goodness that the company pays for the gas, it's so damn expensive.
speaking of gas---i recieved yet another rude emial from A, my older sis. wish the woman would find a hole and crawl in it.
she insulted me for not "writing correctly," she doesn't like the way i write, she tells me that it makes me look "like a freakin' dolt" because i don't use caps or "freakin' good punctuation." hmpth on her. it's not like i don't know how to "write correctly," i just enjoy writing in the style that i do. never had any complaints or insults from anybody out there, not even from my therapist (not even any psychological questions as to why i write this way)---but, then there's A and she's such a bitch.
she's now on yet another trample, our older brother has decided that instead of having the retirement party when he planned, he is having it on August 13, which she claims is because she "can't" find a way to Kentucky. it's always about her, it's never anything else.
i tried to explain that he wanted to have at least three weeks off between retirement and going to his new position in the "private sector," and that he also has to finish making sure his (and his family's) stuff is ready to be shipped from the UK.
so it looks like A will not be going to his retirement party, which suits all of the family.

my AC went out last Monday (Aug 8), i tried to went ahead and stayed home that night and it was so hot that it drove me crazy, couldn't sleep worth anything. early Tuesday i called the AC guy who i've used before, but he's backlogged up the wazoo. Tuesday afternoon i call up Lady and ask her if i can stay with her until the guy comes out and takes care of the AC. of course Lady said that i could, so i've been at her condo since then and it looks as if i'll be there for yet another week: she isn't complaining at all!!

Olivia is planning a visit for the 19th-thru-21st, she had planned on coming down on Aug. 13, but i told her that i was leaving town on Aug 12 at around 9pm, to go to Lexington Kentucky to visit mom, then we're going to drive (with my older brother and his family) to Fort Knox area for his reunion-retirement party.
Lilly has been out of town for the past three weeks, off on an extended holiday to Ireland to "track down lost relatives," so Olivia has been all by herself. i don't think, or at least i hope that it's not for that reason, Lilly having been out of town and will be out of town until end of August...that she wants to come for a visit. yes Olivia, i feel that way sometimes, i'm sorry. we'll have to talk about it, we need to talk about it; so says my therapist.

hell my therapist wants to talk about some "serious matters:" why i have chosen to have these two relationships---with Olivia and with Lady---my penchant for masturbation---my serious dislike of my older sis, A---the death of my father and "what emotional and psychological ramifications" it has had on my life. these are the four "top things" to talk about; a couple more might concern why a threesome between Olivia, Lady and myself seems to be so attractive to me and why i feel that they'd be interested too (well shit, because they've said so!) :lol:
but you know, i'm really not all that into threesomes, yes i've had them, they've always been with special women in my life and they've always been, well, unexpected and unplanned-for. so therapist wants to "discuss" that.

i will write on some things that took place prior to trip to Hawaii (oh how i want to return!!!), ASAP, so if you are a return reader, please keep coming back! :lol:

update on fav pix blog

2005-08-04T05:26:00.000-04:00

did another posting of fav pix....FAV PIX BLOG

an email kicks off some Hawaiian memories...and thoughts of J

2005-08-02T06:20:00.000-04:00

i had this fantasy about J...it just kind of swept into my slumbering brain last Saturday. she was so nervous that night on the beach at that private party, even while we simply discussed the attraction i had to other women and my not very good explanation at all. she was very brave to talk about it though, especially to admit that she had some fantasies about being with another woman, but had never actually done anything. she also did admit that she sometimes wondered what it would be like, to have another woman fondle her clitoris, or to give her oral sex---though she felt very guilty about having these thoughts. she just didn't know how to deal with these sublime fantasies and they also made her feel somewhat guilty too.
i tried to explain to her that, regardless of the fact that i don't like to generalize, a majority of heterosexual women do have, in some fashion or the other fantasies about being with another woman and that this shouldn't threaten ones sexuality at all. i think it's the idea of the "forbidden fruit" syndrome or something like that. we grow up being taught and being reinforced that a woman who "loves" other women (bi-curious, bisexual and lesbian) is abnormal. yet on the other hand, it is such a "secret lust" or hidden fantasy of so many men---this whole phenomenon of women-with-women.
even just the act of us kissing made her feel guilty and surely when we began to fondle each other's breasts, that in-itself, at least in her eyes constituted woman-with-woman foreplay (which it is anyway). J was very nervous just kissing, yet when she allowed herself to be free enough to enjoy it, she really enjoyed it; the same with fondling each other's breasts too.
i had these weird self-doubts too, when i was younger, though i never really had any kind of sexual attraction towards guys. sure i dated some guys, i even had sex with them, but it was so empty for me and very unfulfilling. i can't truly understand J's position in all of this since our experiences are totally different, yet i can "understand" in a certain way.
the next night, i guess at around 10pm, i got a phone call from her, we chatted about really nothing for about ten minutes, then she asked if we might meet somewhere. she simply wanted to talk to me about what had happened on the beach. i suggested this somewhat secluded spot along the beach, where we could meet and talk about anything she wanted. she accepted the suggestion and i'd guess around 35 minutes later we met at the spot.
J didn't really know how to broach the subject, it was all new to her so i just let her go at her own speed. we talked a little bit about what had taken place on the beach, she remained to have some guilty feelings about it, mainly that she actually enjoyed the kissing and fondling. i asked her if she had ever had these confusing feelings about another woman before, if she had these subtle urges to kiss or to even fondle another woman's breasts. though she did admit, as she did before, that she'd had these fantasies, she excused herself by making the generalized assumption (as i did and as we all do) that a "lot" of heterosexual woman have these kinds of fantasies and that "doesn't mean that they are bisexual or lesbian...does it?"
that got me to thinking. does the mere fact that a heterosexual woman has fantasies of being with another woman, hint at the idea that she is a "closet" bisexual or even a lesbian? or, well, possibly a bi-curious woman? psychologically we're all fouled up from the beginning, when it comes to such things as our fantasy life and our "real life." we're led to believe by the likes of Freud and some of those lousy psychologists that if a heterosexual woman has fantasies of being with another woman, by the nature of human nature, that automatically means we're hiding from the facts---that we're "closet" bisexuals or lesbians. i think that is where a lot of heterosexual women gain the guilty feelings, this mumbo-jumbo psychology bullshit.
but then again, i'm drawn to the same question: does J having these fantasies automatically mean that she has, in some minor way, a "hint" of interest in experimenting or being bisexual? i'd say she'd be more bisexual than lesbian, simply because she is most certainly a solid heterosexual.
there were long gaps between our discussion, long nervous gaps. then; well, there we were kissing. it started off as light kisses, then it moved on to the sensual tongue-playing sort of kissing. i must admit that the girl is a most excellent kisser!
however this time neither one of us fondled the other, not that neither one of us had the urge. i could tell that she really wanted me to fondle her and in truth, i both wanted to her, and have her fondle me. hell, she thinks that this whole thing is new and confusing to her, it is also new and confusing to me too.
it must have been around 1am when we decided to head back to the hotel, nothing had really been concluded from our chat, i could still tell that she not only had these guilty sensations within her, but that she was also somewhat confused.
in the lobby, we sat down in a dim-lit corner of the lobby and i said what i thought was a profound statement, however it also felt like a really stupid one: "i don't think that you should worry about your sexual orientation, i seriously doubt that you have bi-curious or bisexual tendencies, you're just a heterosexual woman who has had fantasies and then finally there comes a moment in your life when you experience what we can surely call foreplay...if only in the form of kissing and fondling. this is certainly your first time, and i'd bet it will be your last time for such an experience...though you are left with some really confusing thoughts over the whole thing."

with that said, we continued to sit in silence, then we gave each other a simple kiss and she left to go back to her hotel and i went on upstairs.

Olivia was in the room, laying on the bed in a very sweet looking nighty which showed off her body quite nicely. she asked me where i had been and i told her the truth; out on the beach with J, talking about what happened at the party and all the rest of this psychological stuff. Olivia didn't seem all that bothered about it, why should she? i mean she did after all, make out with B! she just came right out and asked me if i was attracted to J. in truth i am attracted to her, maybe it's because she's the forbidden fruit, maybe it's because of this sweetly sensual innocence that she has about the whole thing. i'm not sure, i guess i'm also confused about the whole thing too.

i went off to take a shower and after it, i decided not to put anything on. yeah i was horny, J had made me horny. Olivia could easily sense that i was horny when i laid down beside her. she got up, turned off the light and opened up the curtains, letting the moonlight be the only light there was. slowly she undressed and slipped beside me, our bodies lightly touching. we kissed---serious and sensual kissing, then she moved a bit downwards, taking my right breast into her mouth, suckling upon it before she moved over to my left one. slowly she moved downwards, using the tip of her tongue against the flesh of my tummy, playing and teasing my belly-button before she moved on downwards to give me all sorts of delightful tingles as she teased my clitoris.
she slipped her finger into my pussy, playing with my G-spot as she used her tongue to pleasure my clitoris and pretty soon i was not only moaning but also moving my pelvis along with her own movements.
however Olivia, being a really good tease, brought me up, only to halt and then move back upwards until she brought her petite breasts to my face. i reached up, cupping her breasts in my hands and began to lavish upon them my own tongue, her hand still massaging my clitoris.
somehow we exchanged positions and now i was atop her, suckling upon her breasts, my own hand between her thighs, playing with her clitoris and pussy. once my tongue made contact with her clitoris, there was simply no stopping as i lavished her clitoris with the best of my tongue play.
then---there we were in our 6-9, lost in our little world of sensual lesbian pleasure! :lol:

a couple of animated gifs that Steve found

2005-08-02T03:46:00.000-04:00

----------------------------------------------------------

i have updated my favorite pix blog too! :)

Missy'sFavPix

trying to catch up on my entries---# 01

2005-08-01T05:28:00.000-04:00

got a nice email from J...she thanked me for letting her know about my blog and enjoyed the entry i wrote that concerned her and i, at the beach party. she let me know that when she and B got to there hotel room, after they showered (and had some fun), she confided in him on our discussion and our little make-out session. it totally surprised him (or so he claimed) that she would both confide in me about her feelings and kiss...and make out a little bit. he then told her about him and Olivia, though she said he was pretty damn fraught with being nervous about telling her. she told him that she felt the same way about telling him---but that she knew it was best to get it out into the open. then, with a bit of chagrin, B said that it was a shame that we didn't have a foursome! oh yes, what a fantasy come true for him, right? :lol: it was nice hearing from her.

a couple of weeks ago i took Lady to one of the "night's out" parties (of the clique i belong to) at the club, i also invited Steve to come along, which is acceptable with the clique. he's been to a couple of them and one of the bi-chicks (i'll call her BC) that is part of the clique knows him quite well and they've been dating (off-n-on for the past six months). as usual the management of the club closed it down for our party and we all had our little party. when Steve caught sight of BC, all decked out in her sensual leather, he got himself and her a drink and headed to where she was sitting, while Lady and i took to a table near the stage. one of the dancers who works at the club is really good at the old fashioned late '50s style of "stripping"...and we really enjoyed watching her. we sat and watched some of the dancing for around 45 minutes or so before we headed back to the "private area" of the club, where i did a little private lap dance for Lady.
i was wearing this bustier that laced up the front and was sans bra, so a majority of my cleavage was showing (except for my areola and nipples) and this leather mini-skirt, with a black satin thong. so there i was, doing my best seductive dance right in front of Lady, and as i danced, she undid the laces of my bustier until it was open. naturally i then gave her a "tittie dance"---pressing my left breast against her face, with my erect nipple at her lips. and of course she took the offering and first nibbled at and then licked my nipple.
as i continued to "tittie dance" for her, she brought her hands to my breasts and cupped them, but i drew back just as she was using the tip of her tongue on my nipples. i danced a bit more, teasing her with my breasts; moving so where she could easily touch and fondle them, only to suddenly back out of the way.
once when i was close to her, she slipped her hands up my skirt, cupping my naked butt-cheeks and pulling me close to her, nestling her face against my belly---then before i even could react, she moved her hand so that it was between my thighs and there was her finger, playing lightly with my clitoris! oooh man, if i wasn't horny before...i certainly was then!
if she had wanted to, it would have been really easy for her to have stripped my thong off and have me without it, but all she did was pleasure my clitoris through the material of my thong. before she could really get too far into it, i backed away from her, leaned over just a bit and teased her with my naked breasts. oh, she got hold of my right breast with her hands and sucked on it for a few minutes before i got away from her.
after about twenty minutes of this dance, i was pretty well winded and horny...Lady was horny as well, so she laced my bustier back up, but not as tightly as it should have been, so there i was, showing off more of me than i normally do. on our way back out into the main area, we hit the bar for a couple of drinks---"Joe the bartender" giving my breasts a solid once over, smiling at me with a wishful thinking sort of expression.
as we headed back towards where most of the clique were sitting, we noticed that there were several girls surrounding Steve, sweet-talking him into doing something on the stage. finally he relented and he went up to the stage, doing his best imitation of a male stripper, to the delight of the girls...then he did a very non-Steve sort of thing. he had gotten down to only having his briefs on and we all could see that he had a hard-on, especially when off when his briefs and he was up there dancing naked, with his hard cock fully in view.
now see, we've had both female as well as male dancers doing their things at our parties, we might be a mixed bag of lesbians, bi-sexuals, and bi-curious---but that doesn't mean we don't enjoy watching a good show. so there was Steve, up on the stage, fully naked and with a hard cock, dancing to the delight of the bi-sexual and bi-curious girls.
once he finished his dance, BC helped him gather his close and he walked, bare naked, to the private section, where he and BC did whatever it was that they did, in a private room.
Lady was sorta intoxicated, her inhibitions lowered somewhat, and she felt like dancing, so up on the stage she went...which was a first for her. she was really good, quite sensual and delightful to watch as she danced and then slowly removed first her top (but not her very low-cut bra) and skirt: for a bit she was dancing just wearing her bra and thong---but after a few minutes, off went her bra and she finished off the dance with just her thong on. when she finished her dance, she was fully blushing and somewhat embarrassed as she gathered up her clothing...and i followed her on to the private area where she got her clothes back on.
still somewhat embarrassed about dancing, we stayed in the private area, having our last drink of the night. when Steve and BC came out from the private room they had been in, he was all smiles, as was she. they came by where we were sitting and bid us goodnight and then they left.
around midnight the party was winding down, some of the clique had already left, while a few others sat around, having drinks and chatting. Lady and i decided to head on over to her condo, but only after she redid the laces to my bustier so that i was a bit more politely clad (that is, showing off a lot less).

when we got to her place, we headed on upstairs, shed our clothing and slipped into the shower. we kissed for a while, then she slipped down on her knees in front of me and delighted my clitoris with her excellent tongue work. she almost brought me to orgasm at least twice, but both times i made her stop for a few minutes so that all they'd do was to wash over me; i wasn't ready to cum yet!
i repaid her pleasure by slipping down and using my tongue on her clitoris, bringing her really close to an orgasm. after we kissed and cuddled in the shower for a bit longer, pressing our wet bodies against each other, we got out of the shower, dried off and then went to bed.
how delightful it all was, our foreplay of kissing, fondling each other's breasts and clitoris'...how it all worked into a really fantastic 6-9, where each one of us delved out tongue's about each other's clitoris' and pussies---and to a terrific orgasm.

sometimes sleep comes really easy after fantastic sensual pleasure, so it did that night. the next morning we both woke up about the same time, our bodies intertwined, still naked and...well, still horny. Lady slipped down just a bit so that she could nuzzle against my breasts, soon licking my right one as she fondled the left. pretty soon she was suckling and her hand went down until her fingertip made contact with my naked clitoris.
this time we just fondled each other, our fingers and tongues so busy on each other's breasts, nipples and clitoris...at one moment there i was, my head between her supple, soft thighs, my tongue pleasuring her clitoris----the next we had switched places and she was delighting my clitoris. we never did do a 6-9, we just continued to softly play with each other until we ended up laying side-by-side, with Lady suckling my breast, her hand between my thighs...finger busy with my clitoris---and me, enjoying the suckling and my own hand between her thighs.
it was a delightful way to wake up, that's for sure!

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added a few more pix to my other blog....

here's a link!--->http://trainwreckfavpix.blogspot.com/

Dee comes over for a visit (07-28-05)

2005-07-29T20:53:00.000-04:00

i hadn't seen Dee in quite a while since i had gone to Hawaii with Olivia and before we left, one reason being that Lady and i were spending some time together and also Dee had gone to Montana to visit her grandparents as well. she called me on Thursday at work and asked if she could drop by the house later that afternoon, she suggested that she cook dinner for us.
about 20 minutes after i got home, freshened up a bit and started to watch the news, Dee knocked on the door. within 45 minutes we had eaten dinner and were sharing a glass of wine as we watched TV. right out of the blue she hands me this little package and says that it's a "thank you gift" for me letting her stay with me earlier this summer.
i open it and...and...find this unique little sex toy! it's called a "clit kisser," it's a jelly toy, or whatever you want to call it; it looks like a little mouth with a tongue sticking out! you use intimate lubrication on your clitoris and then you use this vibrating "clit kisser" to have some pleasure! oh wow!; and does it work really great!
i could joke about it and say that it's just as good as Olivia and her tongue, or Lady and her excellent tongue-talent---i'll admit, it comes the closet to giving me an incredible orgasm as they're able to give!
well when i realized what it was, i must have blushed because Dee let me have one of her sensual giggles, followed by: "you gotta try it out, it's fantastic! i have one and use it whenever i get really horny!"
i could tell from the way she looked and her expression that she wanted me to "try it" right then as she watched. way back when Dee and i were "sort of a couple," there would be times we'd masturbate as we watched the other, so it's something we still do sometimes when all we want to do is masturbate.
when i looked at her, i guess she pretty well read my expression because she opened up her little backpack and pulled out her "clit kisser."

well i guess the rest of it can be easily figured out! ;)

man-o-man, that little "clit kisser" really is great, sure brought me to an excellent orgasm!

all i can say is that now my therapist has yet something more, when it comes to my penchant for masturbation, to talk about!

i thought i'd add a little pic of my new toy...and BTW:
i only started today, there's only about four up right now, plan on doing some more really soon!

MISSY'sFAV pix

okay---go on and visit my other (favorite pix) blog!!

2005-07-29T19:25:00.000-04:00

i only started today, there's only about four up right now, plan on doing some more really soon!

MISSY'sFAV pix

there's no place like home---uhm, well....

2005-07-26T00:20:00.000-04:00

we got home early Saturday morning---since we were going back to the East Coast, it was like losing time and how awkward it all felt. since i have a friend who lives outside of DC, we stayed with them Saturday night and then about 1pm started on our 3+ hour drive to Connecticut (who we stayed with the night before we left on the trip). it wasn't so bad, that is if you don't mind leaving such a glorious place as Hawaii, having all those wonderful experiences and then coming back home to where it is hot!
we were on a different jet this time, still the same charter company, but a 747 instead. we played around quite a bit on that jet, having some fun, some drinks and spending most of the time with J-B. there was a 35 minute lay-over in Chicago where J-B had to leave, it was pretty sad, but we have their address, so we'll be writing and sometime in September they'll be making a trip up the East Coast, so they will come for a visit. we spent most of the remainder of the flight visiting an older couple and trying to get a bit of sleep.
Hawaii is wonderful, if there was ever a place i'd like to move to, that's the place. the company i work for has an office on the main island, i'm really tempted to ask for a transfer. :lol:
so it's back to work. bleck. they did a really good job with making up for lost time, the Twiddles did a good job of delegating the work load out. they even caught up with the backlog and we're actually ahead, so Greg asked me to accompany him when he goes to one of our contract companies, to help show how the new system works. that means a "long day" away from the home town, which i guess isn't too bad.
on Sunday night at around 11pm, after Olivia left to head home, i got a call from Lady. we haven't seen each other or been able to be around with each other in ages. she asked me if i was avoiding her! and all i could do is bounce that right back and ask if she was avoiding me! i mean, who stood me up on a date two nights before i left on my trip? and i had such wonderful plans! she asked if she could come over Sunday night and i said of course she could. we ended up playing the game of catch-up! :lol:
i missed her beautiful body and the way her hair smells like strawberrys...the way her breasts taste and the pleasure of using my tongue on her delightful clitoris. oh, and i certainly missed the way she cuddles up to my breasts, suckles upon them and teases me with her fingers! we spent at least a good three hours simply cuddling, making out and pleasuring each other, i dragged my ass into work on Monday, at least 45 minutes late! but it was worth it!
Lady and i have plans on going to the club on Wednesday, the company has a "free day" once every two months, which means that they shut down the office for a whole day (it's a paid day too!), so we're gonna get together early Wednesday, drive out into the country and maybe go to that cute little town, with it's old motel! yeah, it'll be fun.
i'm going to try to catch up on some of the entries that i had intended on writing a while back, the ones that i was unable to do at the time. my therapist is yowling at me about catching up, so, i guess i'll just have to get back into writing as often as i can.